Take (Need #2)(66)

I . . . Oh, God, am I still in love with this man? Like, in in love with him? Is that why his words have such an intense effect on me?

The world spins.

“Kira?”

“I’ve got to go.” It’s probably the millionth time I try to run away from him. Rounding him, I half-run, half-swim toward the stairs. I’m about to take the first step when his arms come around me from behind, hauling me into his wet body. The feel of him compounds with the emotions I’m struggling with. Hunger hollows out my soul, begging for him.

I struggle against him; he tightens his arms around me and lowers his head next to my ear.

“Let me go, Brayden.”

“No.”

“Why, damn you? Why?”

“I need to know.” His breaths are harsh in my ear.

I grind my teeth, squeeze my eyes closed, and struggle to ignore how much I need him. “Know what?”

“What I just saw in your expression . . . I need to know it’s real.”

My first fear-fueled instinct is to deny. Deny, deny, deny. But I’m too tired to play this stupid game anymore. “Please, let go. Just let go of everything so we can both move on.”

He exhales roughly and bites down into my shoulder. “Never. Do you hear me, Kira? Never.”

This is why hanging out with him is a bad idea. Why I’m so stupid. I can’t keep letting him convince me to spend time with him. Fucking him isn’t helping to get him out of my system, so there’s only one thing left to do.

“It’s over,” I tell him. “Whatever this thing between us was, it’s done. I’m finished f*cking you. We had each other, multiple times. There’s no need to continue.”

His arms slacken.

I grab my chance and bolt out of them, practically flying up the stone steps and onto the deck.

That’s where he catches me. I don’t get more than a second’s notice. My ears register the sound of splashing water as he rushes out the pool, then his hands are around my waist, spinning me around so fast I lose my footing on the wet deck.

Brayden catches me and slowly lowers me to the ground. He kneels on the first step, still inside the pool, and tries spreading my legs to make room for his body.

I beat on his shoulders. “It’s over. Just stop already!”

He takes my hits and forces my legs open. Leaning into me, he kisses my cheek softly.

I hit him harder.

For each hit, he gives me another soft, soothing kiss.

“Why are you still here, damn it?” I want to cry. I’ve given this man so many of my tears during my life, and it’s inconceivable that I have yet more to give him.

“Because I love you. I don’t care if you don’t believe me. This man right here can’t breathe without you. Losing you is certain death for me.”

“It’ll never get any better. It’ll always be this. Us fighting. Me reliving the pain. The never-ending f*cking misery.”

His lips graze mine. “It’s not just misery and you know it.”

“Ugh!” The worst thing in the world is coming against this level of stubbornness. I won’t budge, and neither will he. “Don’t you hear me? It’s always going to be like this. I’ll never be the sweet, innocent, stupid, naive, loving girl with you again.”

“Okay. I’ll take it. For the rest of my life, I’ll take whatever you have to dish out. But I’m not going anywhere.”

An entire lifetime of this? I can barely imagine it, so I don’t know how he can be this accepting of the idea. My heart’s breaking at the thought of never finding peace. Of constantly living in this crazy up-and-down rollercoaster.

How can it be so hard to push someone away when all they bring into your life is pain?

The fight leaves me, and I drop my hands away from him. Panting, I sit here, staring at him, trying to figure out a solution for our f*cked-up situation.

“Just forgive me,” he whispers, grabbing my hands gently.

“I can’t,” I whisper back.

“What do I have to do? Why can’t you forgive me?”

“Because I don’t want to.” This makes me sound like the biggest bitch on earth, I know that, but it’s true. “You don’t deserve to just have a happily ever after with me. Not after all of that.”

Forgiveness is a choice. A hard, brutal, up-hill battle. In order to embark on that kind of journey, a person has to truly want to do it.

Brayden lifts my hands up to his lips and kisses them like he’d kissed my cheek. “Then I’ll wait until you feel like I deserve that forgiveness.”

There’s no more will in me to fight him. Not right now. I don’t know if the anger will return tomorrow, but as of right now, I just don’t have it in me. I’m drained. I relax, the hostility draining out of me. Letting my fingers curl around his hands, I stare down at our joined hands.

My gut tells me he’s not the one, but my heart wants him so damn bad.

Not just my heart. At the very least, I’ve come to accept that I’ll always need this man’s cock.

Giving in, I slide one of my hands out of his and place it on his wet shoulder. Just touching it is enough to make me tremble with hunger. He stays perfectly still, breaths speeding up, waiting for my next move. Looking away from his eyes, I rub his large, defined shoulder in circles.