THE TROUBLE WITH PAPER PLANES(45)

Was it even possible to love two women at the same time?

One thing was for sure – I loved Maia. I’m not sure how long I’d known it or whether she felt the same, but it was no good lying to myself about it anymore. I’d fallen hard and fast for her – really fast. I’d told myself that we barely knew each other. I’d told myself that I wasn’t ready. I’d told myself a thousand other things, but in the end I couldn’t find a single valid reason to back off. She had me, one hundred percent.

I lay there, trying to imagine how I’d feel if I woke up to find her gone. That’s when I knew. I knew, in the way your heart knows before your head realises, that if she left now, it would hurt like hell.

They say falling in love takes time, but I call bullshit on that. It takes guts. It can happen in a moment – a single heartbeat, even – but to hand someone the key to your happiness is the most courageous move you’ll ever make. You’re giving them the power to utterly destroy you, and you don’t even know you’re doing it. I think that’s the most frightening part. By the time you realise what’s happened, it’s too late. You’re already in over your head.

So now what?

We’d spent the evening talking and listening to music. The outside world ceased to exist, shrinking until it was just the two of us, sitting on my couch, in my living room, in the near-dark. I could’ve stayed up all night, adrenaline coursing through me at first, then settling into a dull buzz, like a hum of anticipation at what was to follow. Honestly, I didn’t care what came next. I just wanted to be with her.

I kissed her again, just once. I know I could’ve kissed her more than once, but I wanted to slow things down a bit, to regain some semblance of control over this situation we’d found ourselves in, this juggernaut that was gaining momentum. I wanted her to be comfortable. I’d pulled her into my lap, and she’d settled in as if she belonged there. She caressed the short hair at the nape of my neck, sending spikes of electricity shooting through me until I had to pull away. I don’t think she had any idea how much self-control that had taken.

Unlike Em, Maia had to be goaded into talking about herself. She was reluctant, evasive even. I got the feeling that she didn’t let just anyone in, and I liked that she was lowering her defences for me, even if it was slowly. I was prepared to wait as long as it took for her to open up to me. We had all the time in the world.

I’d expected her to put up a fight when I suggested moving into the spare room, yet she had literally melted into my arms as soon as I mentioned it. It mystified me, but also served up a huge helping of relief. At least with me, she’d be safe. No need for me to worry about where she was spending the night.

I don’t know what time I eventually dozed off, but when I woke up the sun was just rising. I could tell by the pale golden light behind my bedroom curtains, the ones I’d spent most of the night staring at. The house was quiet. I poked my head out of the bedroom and looked down the hall. The spare room door was open. I crept further. The bed had been remade and a sense of crushing disappointment engulfed me. Where was she?

Walking into the living room, my heart-rate spiked when I saw her sitting outside on the balcony, her back to me.

Thank God. I was beginning to think last night had just been a figment of my imagination.

I smiled to myself on my way back to the bathroom. I felt like a kid at Christmas, anxious to get into the living room and unwrap my new gift.

When I came out of the bathroom, I briefly thought about throwing a t-shirt on over the top of my shorts, but recklessly decided not to. I had a perpetual tan, thanks to a combination of working outdoors all year round and spending my spare time surfing, and I was in good shape. She seemed to have liked what she saw at the beach. Maybe a little reminder was in order. The thought made me feel decidedly smug.

I walked through the living room and out onto the deck. She looked up and smiled. One of those smiles that made me forget what I was going to say. I didn’t feel so smug anymore.

“Morning,” she said, her eyes flicking over my bare chest.

I hunkered down beside her, giving the sunrise over the harbour a quick once-over while I gathered myself together. As if anything could be as beautiful as she was at this moment.

“Good morning,” I said, turning back to her. “Did you sleep alright?”

She nodded. “You?”

I nodded too, hoping I wouldn’t get struck down by lightning. I was just about to stand up and head back to the kitchen when her gaze flitted ever so briefly to my lips. It was a silent request, but it rang in my head as if through some kind of telepathic loudhailer. She wanted to kiss me. I happily obliged, leaning forward to plant a sweet, soft kiss on her lips. She tasted like coffee and toothpaste. My new favourite combination.