THE TROUBLE WITH PAPER PLANES(23)

But I didn’t move.

Oblivious, she continued. “It seems like a metaphor, for life. I mean, skimming across the surface of the earth, not getting caught up in stuff you can’t explain. Being in control, rather than letting it control you… ” She shrugged self-consciously. “Or something like that, anyway. I don’t know.”

She was right. And she was intuitive. In some ways, she reminded me of Bridget.

“I liked ‘magical,’ personally.”

“Are you making fun of me?” She smiled.

“Not at all,” I chuckled, sitting forward again. “But you do realise you just gave me an intimate insight into your psyche with that answer?”

She looked flustered and I wondered why. I was only kidding. Mostly.

“I’ll teach you,” I said, from out of nowhere. “If you still want me to?”

She grinned, the first genuine smile she’d given me. She had little crinkles in the corner of her eyes.

And dimples.





MAGICAL, SHE’D SAID.


I don’t really know what I expected her to say, but that wasn’t it. And what unnerved me even more was her explanation of wanting to be the one in control. It had struck some long-buried chord deep within me, one she couldn’t have even known was there, simply because I didn’t know it was there.

The more I thought about it, the more anxiety pecked away at me. What the hell had possessed me? I’d spent my entire life trying to straighten things out, make them simpler and uncomplicated. And yet here she was, a tangle of question marks, and she had me jumping in without even bothering to properly think things through. I wasn’t impulsive – that was Vinnie’s domain. I was the sensible one, for God’s sake. And none of these feelings remotely resembled sensible.

I tried to talk myself down from the ledge, rationalising it. She seemed genuinely keen to learn how to surf, and it was something I could do well, and enjoyed. It made sense, didn’t it? I was doing her a favour, and I was doing Bridget a favour, and God knew, I owed her enough, after all she’d done for me. I was doing the right thing here. And besides, familiarity breeds contempt. The more time I spent with her, the more differences between her and Em I was likely to see. That would make things a whole lot easier.

Standing in the kitchen doorway last night, the light illuminating her from behind, she’d looked so much like Em that I’d almost given myself a heart attack. It wasn’t her fault, and it wasn’t fair to avoid her just because of it, either. She didn’t deserve that, and as I stood at the kitchen sink, watching the morning sun glittering on the harbour, I was determined to put all that behind me. If I was going to do this, I had to make a real effort. None of the half-hearted shit I’d become famous for lately.

It was just surfing lessons, after all. It wasn’t a marriage proposal.

When I opened the door to her shortly afterward, she stood in front of me wearing a pair of red shorts and the same white lace-trimmed singlet from last night. The straps of her red bathing suit were clearly visible beneath the singlet and, despite my best efforts, I couldn’t help but wonder what that bathing suit might look like on the rest of her. Two pieces or one?

“Hi,” she smiled shyly. “By showing up here exactly on time, I’ve probably forfeited any cool points I might’ve had, but I’m really keen to get started. Does it show?”

I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corner of my mouth. “Just a little bit. Come on in.”

She was enchanting, and completely oblivious to what that was doing to my insides. In a blinding flash, I realised something.

She knew nothing about me. I knew nothing about her. It was a fresh slate. I could be anyone I wanted to be. I didn’t have to be the bereaved boyfriend or the pitiful loner. I could reinvent myself. It was an intoxicating thought.

She stood in the hallway, waiting, her hands clasped behind her back like an impatient schoolgirl.

“Are we going to the beach?” she asked, as I closed the door. “It’s a beautiful day for it. I was at Whale Bay yesterday morning, just watching, trying to pick up some pointers.”

I’d almost forgotten about that. Already, I could feel the fantasy beginning to circle the drain.

“Were you there early? I thought I saw you,” I said, hoping she would say I was wrong, that I’d imagined it.

She nodded, looking uncomfortable suddenly, although she did her best to hide it. She probably saw everything. I didn’t know how to explain it to her without having to go into the whole sordid mess. Maybe I couldn’t reinvent myself after all.