Sweetest Venom (Virtue #2)(40)

I slap him as hard as I can, leaving a red mark on his skin. He touches his right cheek and smiles. “The truth hurts, doesn’t it, Blaire?”

I’m trembling from head to toe. “Go to hell, Ronan.”

I begin to walk away when he grabs me by the arm and pulls me close to him again. “What? I don’t get a good-bye kiss?” he hisses angrily in my ear, his warm breath sending chills down my spine.

My heart is beating so fast, it feels as though it’s going to explode. This close to him, reality replaces my memories. His touch is once again real and it sears through me, making ashes of me. His familiar smell of man and Ronan fills my nostrils, inebriating my senses. He’s here, in front of me, but he has never been more out of my reach. For a moment, I think to myself, This is what living in hell must feel like.

“What the—” I try to break free from his hold. “Let me go, Ronan.”

“No.” He tightens his grip. “Did you ever love me, Blaire? Or was I just another f*cking game to you?”

“It doesn’t matter. We’re over, and I’m with Lawrence.”

“Lies. Lies. Lies. Is that all you can come up with?”

I tug harder. “Fuck off.”

He smiles cockily. “Gladly, but only after I do this.”

Ronan lets go of me, buries his hands in my hair, his fingers cradling the back of my skull, and pulls me toward him until our mouths clash aggressively. My body immediately reacts to him, to his touch, to his tongue, as a sense of having lost something and finding it again washes through me.

Yet it’s a kiss full of hate and yearning.

It’s fire on my lips, burning them, burning me to the ground.

It’s a beautiful war.

And it feels like coming home.

Stunned and under his spell, I melt in the haven of his arms and let emotion override logic. Our tongues tangle in a passionate battle that demands total surrender from both of us, and for a short moment I give in, drugged by his taste, his essence, by him. I push myself closer to him as though I am trying to fuse our bodies into one, feeling a surrendering shudder rake through me, or is it him? And what a glorious torture it is. But then reality comes crashing down on me and I realize what I’m doing. What I’m allowing to happen. I move my arms between us, gather all my strength, and push him away from me, ending the kiss abruptly.

My chest rises and falls at rapid speed. I stare at a cool Ronan, who seems untouched by the kiss while I struggle to remain upright.

“You feel that, Blaire? That’s the f*cking truth. But keep lying to yourself, I don’t give a f*ck anymore.”

I rub my lips with the back of my hand, trying to soothe the sting of his kiss, or maybe, I’m trying to rub it in deeper until it’s engraved on my skin. In a moment of weakness, I crack. “You were supposed to be out of my life. You weren’t supposed to be back messing everything up.”

“But I am.” He moves my hand away and rubs my lower lip. “So what are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing. I’m with Lawrence now.”

At the mention of Lawrence, his expression darkens with hate. “I could’ve given you the world, Blaire. I f*cking loved you.”

Tears sting my eyes, pain settling deep within my chest. “No, you couldn’t have. But Lawrence can.”

Then I break into a run, seeking the solace of the party before I have a chance to make a fool of myself and beg him to take me back.



Ronan

I sag defeatedly against the trunk of a tree as she runs away from me. Shaken, I reach for my pack of cigarettes, open it, grab another one, and place it loosely between my lips. As I’m lighting it, I notice dispassionately how badly my hands are shaking. I bite my lip after taking a deep drag and blowing out the smoke. Hope and fear that the trace of her flavor is gone from my mouth blend as one, but I can still taste her and it’s f*cking torture.

Fuck.

When I make it back inside the house, I go in search of Rachel. I find her talking to Alan and Loretta Vanderhall, the smile on her lovely face stiff and unnatural. Ah, she knows.

Wrapping an arm around her waist, I whisper in her ear, “Want to get out of here?”

She places her hand on top of mine, nodding. As we walk toward the exit of the house, she says hollowly, “She’s lovely, Ronan.”

“Don’t give her another thought. She’s part of the past.” I stare at her and grab her hand, bringing it to my lips and kissing it. “I’m looking at the future, and that’s all that matters.”

That next morning, I quit work and give Carl a call. My first interview will be with the Times magazine, and it’s set to take place in two weeks.

I will forget you, Blaire. I will. I will conquer my love for you even if it costs me my own soul.





Blaire

I MAKE MY WAY BACK to the party in search of Lawrence, except I don’t want him to hold me anymore; the magical moment we shared on the dance floor forgotten. I don’t have it in me to continue fooling myself, not when every fiber in my body is begging me to go back to the garden. Not when my skin still tingles with the memory of being in Ronan’s arms after going so long without him.

The large trees surrounding the garden seem to be closing in on me, making me feel claustrophobic. I begin to walk faster toward the warm light of the house, a light that promises temporary shelter from all the darkness surrounding me. For a brief moment, I hope that my feet will carry me to a place where binding memories don’t exist, where I can be free of my past. But then again, running away, or wanting to escape, won’t solve a thing. It’s not my past that holds me prisoner. It’s my f*cking heart.