Sweet Soul (Sweet Home #5)(40)

“Elsie,” Levi whispered, and placed his finger under my finger to lift the locket closer. He studied the picture for what felt like an age, before he correctly guessed, “Your mamma?”

“Yes,” I replied, and covered Levi’s hand with my own. His eyes fell down to mine, and I could see the understanding shining back. I could see the same understanding of loss in his gaze, that I knew was in my own.

“She was beautiful,” he said, my throat clogging at the fact someone was paying my mom a compliment. No one ever did. She was judged her whole life, right up until the day she died.

But she was my mom. I loved her most in the world.

I hadn’t realized I was crying until Levi moved closer, and brushed his thumb over my cheek capturing the falling droplet. I thought he would speak. I was waiting for him to ask me how she’d died. Ask me what happened—the one thing I couldn’t disclose. The pain was too much.

Instead his hand moved down, and as gentle as a whisper, he closed the locket, lifting my hand to press a kiss to the back of my fingers. I tried not to fall apart out on the street where anyone could see. But Levi’s silence, his gesture that he was here for me, not pushing me to speak of what hurt me most, meant I couldn’t hold back my emotion if I tried.

Levi pulled me to his chest and wrapped his strong muscled arms around me. I fell against his chest, and cried. I had opened the Pandora’s box that held in check my tears and pain.

Levi’s breath was ragged in my ear, so much so I could almost feel the pain of his loss. He held me on that spot for minutes and minutes. He held me until the last tear fell, until my throat and chest were raw.

Slipping my hand up to press on his chest, I eased back and nodded my head. Levi cupped my face in response, leaning in to press the sweetest kiss to my lips. I cast a watery smile, Levi took hold of my hand.

As we walked, cold air filled my lungs, melting my sorrow. But Levi was quiet. Too quiet. I had come to understand that walking in silence, for us two, was comfortable. We didn’t need words. We didn’t need to fill the air between us with meaningless conversation. I could walk beside him all day, his hand holding mine or his arm around my shoulder pulling me close, and I’d be the happiest girl in the world.

But this time seemed different.

This silence was strained. Levi’s hand was tense and hard, the tension thick with sadness? Emotion? I couldn’t quite tell.

I wondered if I had upset him by showing him my mom’s picture. I wondered if seeing the picture of my mom had brought back too many bad memories for him. But I didn’t dare ask, not after all he had done for me today, not after our sweet kisses. I didn’t want him to be upset. I didn’t want to end the day with him in pain.

Reaching the Jeep, I buckled my belt and sat quietly, waiting for Levi to take us home. But he sat still in the driver’s side, staring down at the wheel. I could see his eyes were unfocused. I could see he was thinking, one side of his bottom lip was sucked into his mouth.

I turned to look out of the window. The crescent moon shone brightly in the sky. The silver moon made me think of Levi’s eyes; the pretty gray like liquid silver, like moonbeams put there by God to make him stand out.

“I wanna show you something, Elsie,” he abruptly rasped out.

“Okay,” I replied, when I caught the heaviness in his voice. Butterflies flew in my chest, only out of nerves this time. Because whatever he was about to show me wasn’t anything light. Whatever it was cut him up inside. Crashed his gentle spirit.

My stomach churned.

Hating to see him so troubled, I leaned over and placed my hand on his thigh. Levi sucked in a breath, then tilted his head to the side to see me better. I watched him exhale, then he put the Jeep in gear and moved us out.

I had no idea where we were going, but Levi’s thigh remained tense as we passed through the busy streets, dark clouds moving in above us. I knew wherever it was, whatever he wanted to show me, was why he was so closed in.

I just prayed that I could be there for him the same way he’d been there for me.

I wanted to return the kindness.

I wanted to return the strength.

I wanted his trust.

Just like he had mine.





Chapter Ten


Levi


I never spoke about this. I never told anyone here, in Seattle, about my past. I never told anyone, not even my brothers, that I did this. That I came here. Axel didn’t even know that I’d copied his keys.

But I was taking Elsie. I was showing Elsie. Sharing my secret with her, like she had shared hers with me.

I wasn’t in denial about the gravity of what this meant.

When she’d shown me that locket. When she’d shown me her mamma and I saw the pain in her eyes, I wanted her to know she wasn’t alone. She was always alone. My silent girl? alone with her thoughts. No voice to share her pain, no person to tell her it was okay that she was sad.

I replayed her soft voice in my head, her stunning small voice, slightly higher in pitch than how a hearing person’s would normally be, the tone slightly less expressive, but barely so. And I replayed how ashamed she’d looked, how embarrassed she was as she spoke, like I’d find her less attractive because of how she sounded. Like I’d make her keep quiet.

Impossible.

My heart splintered trying to think of what had been said in her past to make her think that, at what the mocking people had done to her to make her so closed in. Then I saw that picture of her mamma, but more than that, I saw what it had cost her to show me it. The emotion that she couldn’t contain, when I saw what was an older version of herself, smiling at the camera. I’d had so many questions, but I could see that she was shattering as she held out the locket in her small shaking hands.