Sweet Hope (Sweet Home #4)(11)

I wanted to speak, tried to speak, but I knew if I opened my mouth, I’d break down like a *. Austin, that kid always had my back. Even now, after I’d cut off all contact for years, he acted as though we had nothing but good in our past.

Levi’s mouth tightened and a look of pure disgust set on his face. “Yeah, we have to be there for him?” He tried to step toward me, but Austin’s hand kept him back. It only seemed to piss Levi off more. “Tell me, Austin. Where was our brother after Porter OD’d and he ran away? Where was our brother when he left you to work next to Gio and sacrifice your degree? Where was our brother when our mamma was dying and we nearly lost Pix? And where was our brother when we scattered Mamma’s ashes in Firenze, the only place she’d ever called home?” Levi said the word “brother” like it meant shit to him, like I meant shit to him, and every time he called me out on my sins, it f*cking killed me just that little bit more inside.

Why the f*ck had I come back? What the hell was I thinking?

“Nah, Aust,” Levi said, curling his lip at me like I was a pile of shit he’d just stepped in. “He ain’t no brother of ours. He’s no Carillo… He’s just a f*cking loser of an ex-con that’s going nowhere in life, and he’s come here to use you for money and to drag us back down too.”

Red faced, Levi batted off Austin’s hand, walked to a closet under the stairs to pick up a training bag, and without another glance, walked right out the front door, leaving Austin, Lexi, and me stunned in silence.

Lexi moved from Austin and ran to the door. “Levi! Wait!” I heard her shout from the driveway, but the sound of a car pulling away on gravel drowned her out, and she ran back in.

“Austin! We need to go after him.”

Austin ran a hand down his face and shook his head. “Nah, Pix, leave him. He needs to cool down.”

Watching Lexi wipe her eyes and Austin clearly stressed, I shook my head.

I shouldn’t be here.

Walking back toward the door, I headed outside, grabbing my bag off the floor.

“Axe, wait!” Austin shouted, and I reluctantly stopped, shoulders sagging. I just wanted to get the f*ck away. I wasn’t welcome no more.

“Axe, what you doing?” Austin asked, coming to stand before me, blocking my path.

“Look, kid, I should have called first and said I got out. I shouldn’t have come here period… I just thought… Fuck, I don’t know… I didn’t think…”

“You thought your brothers would want to see you.”

Keeping my eyes to the ground, I nodded. “Yeah, I should’ve known better. I ruin your lives, don’t speak to you for years, then turn up five years earlier than I should’ve. I get it, kid, I do.”

Austin gripped the strap of my bag and picked it off the floor, causing me to look up. I went to argue, when he lifted his hand and cut me off.

“You get shit, Axe,” he said tightly and glanced back to Lexi, who threw him, then me, a watery smile. Fixing his dark eyes back on mine, he added, “Way I see it, you got out early for doing something good. The Axe I knew always had good in him. He just never made good choices.” Austin slung the bag over his shoulder and headed for the stairs, speaking as he went. “But you coming here straight from prison tells me you’re finally, for the first time in your life, thinking straight.”

Clawing my long hair back from my face, I watched Austin climb the stairs. “Austin, I can get somewhere else to stay. Lev made his feelings ‘bout me damn clear. I ain’t wanted. I don’t wanna be where I ain’t wanted.”

Austin stopped mid-step but kept his focus straightforward. He said nothing for about twenty seconds and the silence was f*cking suffocating.

“I’ve missed you, Axe,” he finally said.

A lump clogged my throat as Austin’s voice cracked, and my eyes filled with tears.

“You’re my big brother, Axe. It was always me and you. Lev was too young to get it, but everything fell on you and me as kids… I love you. You’re my blood. And I don’t want you going anywhere without me again.”

Glancing away, unable to see Austin breaking, I suddenly felt Lexi next to me. When I glanced up the stairs, Austin had disappeared leaving his wife and me alone.

“He was crushed when you started refusing his visit requests a few years ago, never explaining the reason why….”

I snapped my head to my right only to see Lexi staring off after Austin, before looking back at me.

“He’s had so much to deal with: your mamma dying, the draft, moving to San Francisco.” Her eyes filled with tears and she wiped at her cheeks. “And me… He had a lot to cope with while I got help… while I got better, which wasn’t an easy road.” Lexi sniffed, laying her hand on my arm.

“Every day he talks about you. Every day he wonders what you’re doing, if you’re safe… if your mamma’s looking over you.”

“Lexi…” I whispered, trailing off as emotion dried my throat. I couldn’t handle imagining Austin taking all that on while I rotted in a damn cell, unable to do shit but wish away my life.

“And he’s been counting down the days ‘til your release so he could be there, at the prison gates, when you got out. He couldn’t wait to bring you home.”