Sweet Fall (Sweet Home #2)(77)
“I just needed to numb the pain, Pix… it’s all so f*cked up,” he said almost inaudibly, and I pushed up his chin to meet his unfocused eyes, eyes full of tears.
“Austin, don’t cry,” I said brokenly.
Inhaling a shuddering breath, tears began tumbling from his eyes, shoulders racking, and I pulled all six-feet-four of him into my arms. His forehead lay in the crevice of my neck, and I felt the salty droplets run down my skin.
Even broken like this, he knew not to touch my back, his arms tight around the nape of my neck.
“Shh, baby, it’s okay,” I soothed.
His head shook, and I almost fell over beneath Austin’s massive weight. “No, Pix… nothing’s right. It’s all gone to shit… everything… I had to walk away, don’t you see?”
Unable to take the gutting tone of his voice, I began to cry with him, hopelessly trying to take away his pain.
“Austin, come here.” Lifting his head from my neck, I took hold of his hand and led him to the sofa. Austin dropped to the seat first and, yanking on my arm, pulled me down to sit on his lap. The panic came quick and fast, but Austin, clearly sensing my anxiety, flipped us until we were lying face to face.
The light glow of the fire highlighted Austin’s wet face, and gripping the back of my head with one hand, he brought his lips to mine. As our mouth set into a languid, beautiful embrace, I tasted the salt from his tears on his lips, the hot burn of whiskey on his tongue and I melted into the touch I’d been craving for so long.
Breaking away on a gasp, Austin didn’t release my head. “Pix, I’m so sorry,” he whispered.
“No, Austin,” I pressed, “you have nothing to apologize for. You can’t fight what was always destined to be.”
He huffed a laugh, but it got caught in his throat and released as a pained sob.
“Talk to me,” I pushed. I couldn’t take him being so sad. “Is it your mamma? Has she got worse?”
A dark shadow seemed to cloud Austin’s eyes and he sucked in the corner of his bottom lip. I knew that movement. Knew it enough to know I was right.
“She’s only got weeks now, Pix. She’s a f*ckin’ mess. She can’t really talk no more. Levi’s a mess too. He never leaves her side.”
My stomach fell, and I squeezed his hand in support.
“Where… where have you been? You’re never at school,” I asked nervously.
Austin’s gaze slammed to mine and he swallowed in apprehension. “I’ve been around, Pix. I’m always around.”
“And we’re no more…” It wasn’t exactly a question or a statement. It just was what it was. Reality, I suppose.
The next thing I knew, Austin sighed and rolled on top of me, holding off on crushing me by his arms. He stared at me for an age before crashing his lips to mine. The kiss was searing, hot and desperate, and I was consumed by him. Every cell in my body ignited with want… desire to be everything he needed.
Gripping onto his hair, we furiously ate at each other’s mouths. “Austin,” I moaned, and I felt the zipper of my hooded jacket ripping down, and within seconds, it was a heap on the floor.
My jeans were next, and in one fluid movement, Austin wrenched them down, taking my panties with them. A flicker of concern ran through my mind at the thought of Austin seeing my thinner legs, but my heart was telling me this was something else, something bigger, and need trumped insecurity and I just let it be.
Kneeling up and straddling my legs, Austin ripped off his shirt and threw it to the floor, his tense and rugged muscles on show.
Digging into his pocket, he pulled out a condom. I realized at that moment that he hadn’t tried to remove my shirt, and I melted even more when I knew it was because he understood my boundaries. He knew so much about me, but we never got past the deeper things hidden… on both sides.
The heavy silence between us felt like electricity in the room. The fire crackled and spat, the owls hooted outside in the trees, the crickets chirped in beat, and all that was drowned out by the sound of Austin’s zipper pulling down and the condom wrapper tearing.
Once done, Austin crawled over my body, nudged my legs apart, placed himself between them, and in one quick thrust, filled me to the hilt. There was no preparation, no going slow. It was just desperate need taking hold.
I didn’t make a noise this time, and neither did he. Everything about this moment felt different somehow, poignant maybe, and we held each other tightly, breathing heavily into each other’s necks.
The fire I’d come to recognize built in my core, and Austin moved quicker as I wrapped my legs around his waist. Reluctantly, Austin raised his head and looked into my eyes, and I almost stilled when I saw tears tumbling from long lashes. They weren’t tears of pain, or even happiness for that matter. They made me think of a farewell… a good-bye.
My hands instantly fell off Austin’s wide shoulders to his face. Good-bye… this was our good-bye…
Conflicted, my body raced for the explosive feeling of our high, while my heart raced in devastation and hurt. The heady emotions were too much to bear, and crying out as my orgasm ripped through me, almost electrifying me from the inside out, I also shuddered in loss and the realization that the boy I’d fallen so deeply in love with was walking away from me for good.
Never breaking my gaze, Austin tensed, his neck straining and muscles cording as he welcomed his release. Then on a sharp exhale, he collapsed onto my chest.