Sweet Fall (Sweet Home #2)(57)
“My kid brother, who couldn’t speak for shyness when he just met you, just avoided being shot by what? A matter of a few feet?” My teeth instinctively gritted together at the thought, and I reiterated, “Shot, Pix. Fuckin’ shot.”
Lexi glanced down at me with sympathetic eyes and moved to sit beside me, her tiny hand wrapping around mine. “I honestly don’t know what to say to you right now, Austin. I’m out of my depth with all this. I knew the gang was bad. I naively always thought it wasn’t as bad as the news made out, but seeing Levi tonight, hearing more… of your past. Lord, it’s worse than I ever could have imagined.”
I didn’t know why, but that made me smile. She was stronger than she realized, taking on all this shit like a pintsized soldier.
Lexi frowned at my reaction. “What you smiling at?”
“Just you, Pix. Just you.”
As Lexi dipped her head, a huge flash of lightning lit up outside, illuminating the tail end of the trailer. I was thankful for that two-second bolt of neon yellow right then, as it allowed me to catch the contented blush flooding her flawless cheeks.
I couldn’t stop staring at her beauty and, for once, wished she didn’t wear so much makeup. The only time I’d ever seen her free of heavy-trimmed kohl eyes, dark-red lips, and pale gothic foundation was that day in the locker room when she witnessed me breaking down. She’d been beautiful, all rosy cheeks and freckles, and it destroyed me that she couldn’t see it too.
As if feeling my eyes watching her, Lexi looked up at me through long black lashes, and I felt as though my chest had ripped open and my heart was on display. It was that moment people talk about. That moment where you look at the same set of eyes you’ve gazed upon thousands of times before, only this time you see something more within their depths. This one time, it’s as if you are looking down the lens of a spyglass and you can see into another’s soul… and it seems to solder itself to yours.
“Austin? Mamma’s calling for you.” Levi’s timid voice ripped me from fixating on Pix, and I lifted my annoyed eyes to him.
My brother, at least, looked apologetic about the interruption.
Levi rocked nervously on his feet and muttered, “She’s in a lotta pain.”
And just like that, my bad mood evaporated and all I felt was sadness.
“Can you… can you give her the pills this time, Aust? I think I’ve taken about as much as I can bear today… It’s been a tough one for Mamma… and for the crew… for me…”
Lexi, on seeing my baby brother about to break, reached out her hand, and Levi looked down upon it like it was an unknown object. His gray eyes flitted to Lexi’s face, and she smiled in encouragement, nodding for him to take her outstretched offer of support.
At that point, I felt like the worst brother on the planet as I watched Levi’s reaction toward this unfamiliar gesture of comfort. The kid didn’t really know love. He was only seven when Mamma was diagnosed, and I suppose he missed out on seeing Mamma when she would sing and dance with us for hours, distracting us from the messed-up world just outside the trailer door.
By the time Levi was old enough to understand anything, Mamma was almost unable to stand unsupported, and her energy had begun to fade. There was no more singing from Chiara Carillo, former Italian soprano. No more dancing to make us feel alive.
Levi’s reality was harsh; he had no idea what a healthy Mamma was, and he looked at Lexi like she was Mary, Mother of Christ, appearing before him. Like she was the living embodiment of hope. And at that moment, I didn’t see a fourteen-year-old Heighter with a newly awarded stidda below his left eye. I saw a lost little boy who’d had to fight adversity his entire sorry life, knew no other life but heartache, violence, and pain, and had no idea what to do with unconditional affection.
Levi swallowed and, with a shaking hand, lifted his fingers to hold on to Lexi. The scene before me went blurry. It was then I realized tears had filled my eyes as I watched my little brother take comfort in a stranger’s touch.
Hearing a whisper of a sniffle behind me, I turned my head. My heart faltered as I saw my weak and fading mamma in her new wheelchair, sat in the doorway to her bedroom, watching Levi holding on to my Pix with an awed yet terrified expression on his face. Tears were streaming down Mamma’s pale cheeks, but she made no move to wipe them away. I wasn’t sure if she couldn’t muster the energy or whether she was so overcome with emotion that she didn’t even notice she was crying so hard.
Silently walking toward her, Mamma’s dark eyes eventually laid upon me. She was dressed in her long, white sleeveless nightgown, and her hands were shaking from the strain of her sobs.
As I brushed back a sweaty strand of Mamma’s waist-length dark hair from her damp forehead, her attention slammed straight back on to Lexi and Levi over my shoulder, and I heard Lexi ask, “You want a sweet tea, darlin’? Something to eat?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I caught Levi reply, and pride filled my chest at Pix. She was caring for my brother while I got my shit done. Caring for Levi out of the goodness in her heart.
Scooping my Mamma up in my arms, I reached out and took the bag of her meds from the table. As I made my way to her bed, I folded back the sheets and laid her down. Nothing was said between us. And as I walked to the nightstand for Mamma’s glass of water, I risked a glimpse at her face. She was still staring toward the doorway as though she could see through the paper-thin walls.