Survivor (First to Fight #2)(15)

“Don’t you dare,” Livvie shouts at Ben’s retreating back. “Ben!” She turns back to me smiling. “Well, that would be one way to take care of your problem.”

For the first time since moving back to Nassau, I laugh. “Thank you for having us. How did you know I didn’t want to spend tonight alone?”

She tugs my arm toward the kitchen. “It’s a gift. Now c’mon, we can lick the batter mix while the boys play with their toys and you can fill me in on what’s going on.”

A couple minutes—and more than a couple spoonful’s of chocolate—later, Livvie hands me a beer and orders, “Spill.”

I take a huge sip, okay gulp, from the bottle and enjoy its coolness as I consider my response. “I don’t really know what else there is to say. It all happened so fast. A few weeks ago, I was living my life and it wasn’t anything special, but it was mine. And now I have these two humans depending on me. I know it sounds all woe is me, but, shit, what if I screw them up? I’m no paragon of virtue here. Who would actually want me to take care of their kids?”

Livvie offers me another spoon caked in fudge. “You are way too hard on yourself. You’re going to be fine.”

“They’ve survived so far and that’s with my cooking so I guess I can consider it a good sign.”

“Still,” Livvie says, “you did the right thing, taking them. They need you.”

I chug half of my beer to chase down the chocolate and lift one shoulder.

“How are they taking it?”

“I don’t know if I’m qualified in teenager-speak to answer you, but I think they’re doing as well as can be expected, considering. Donnie more so than Rafe. Rafe hates my guts, that’s clear, but Donnie is willing to forgive and forget.”

Livvie sets her beer down carefully and chews on her lip before squaring her shoulders. “I’m going to say one thing, and then we won’t talk about it again. You did the right thing. I know kids weren’t in your plans, and you’ve never explained to me why you had to leave, but I assume coming back to Nassau wasn’t in your plan either.” She looks out the window for a few seconds, then back at me. “I would have given anything to have someone like you so that I didn’t have to go into foster care. I was lucky, the James’ adopted me, even though I was a teenager. I was lucky they were a great family. Your brothers may not have been so lucky.”

“I don’t know anything about having a family, Liv.”

“You can learn,” she says, eyes shining. “You can learn together. I promise you, taking on those boys is going to be the best decision you’ve ever made.”

That statement is punctuated by screams from outside. I throw Livvie a sardonic look. “You were saying?”

She rolls her eyes. “I’m going to go check on them. Wait here and I’ll refill our appetizers.”

“I don’t think brownie mix and beer can be considered an appetizer.”

“Well we’ve already come to the conclusion that you’re no cook so what would you know?”

I switch from beer to water and chug a cool glass of it while Livvie checks on the boys. From my vantage point at the window, I see Ben helping the boys take turns sitting on the motorcycle. I find myself smiling when Donnie nearly falls off the thing. Both of them are laughing and smiling openly for the first time since I’ve been home.

After dinner, the boys are fully absorbed in the newest first-person shooter with Ben. I would even go so far as to say they’ve had a good time. Both got second helpings of dessert and neither have shown much attitude. In the interest of being transparent with myself, I know that’s mostly Livvie’s doing. Her easy-going nature makes everyone feel at home. Plus, her brownies are to die for.

The real worry is what happens when we get back to my mother’s and no longer have a buffer.

I notice Cole passed out between his parents. Smiling in spite of my reluctance, I say, “Looks like we’d better get going. Little guy can’t hack it.”

Livvie covers a yawn and laughs. “Apparently I can’t either.”

The boys groan and inwardly, I agree. I’d much rather stay at Livvie’s than go back to my mother’s house and face reality.

“Thanks again for having us over,” I tell them, instead of begging them to let me stay.

“Anytime,” Ben says with a smile.

Donnie and Rafe lumber to the front door with Livvie and I following close behind. I can hear the comforting sound of Ben humming to Cole as he makes his way toward the back of the house, presumably to lay Cole down for the night.

“And you’ll think about what I said?”

“I probably won’t stop thinking about it for the foreseeable future.”

“That’s my girl.”

“Your friends are nice,” Donnie says as we walk back to my car.

“Yeah, they’re pretty great.” I catch his eye over his brother’s head and smile.

“I can see why you visit them instead of us,” Rafe spits out.

I sigh. So much for the laughing and smiling, I guess. There’s no use in making excuses. The only thing I can do is use this time to make it up to them.

The ride home is silent and charged with Rafe’s accusation and my own shame. It’s not entirely unfounded, but whatever. He’s just a kid. Or at least that’s what I tell myself.