Surprise Delivery(29)

“I’m afraid I might be pregnant,” I say at last.

“Oh,” she says. “I wasn’t aware you were seeing anybody.”

I give her a rueful smile. “I’m not.”

I tell her the story of the gala and meeting Duncan. Because I trust her so much, I tell her everything. I leave nothing out – well, except for the actual details of our time in the conference room, of course. And when I finish, I look up again and see a gentleness and compassion in her face that makes me want to cry.

“This Duncan sounds like a pretty incredible guy,” she tells me.

I shrug. “I don’t know him well enough to know for sure,” I reply.

“Maybe not with your brain,” Ida says. “But, if you were comfortable enough to sleep with him, your heart obviously knows something different.”

“Yeah, my heart or something else,” I say and laugh.

“I know you’re not that kind of a woman,” Ida says. “I know you’re far more discerning than that.”

“Yeah well, I can sure pick them. I don’t even know if I’m ever going to see him again.”

“Did he say he was coming back? And that he wanted to see you?”

I pick at a napkin on the table, tearing strips off and toss them onto an empty tray. Fidgeting. It’s what I do when I’m nervous or uncomfortable.

“That’s what he said,” I reply.

“And does he strike you as a man who breaks his word?”

I shrug. “I honestly don’t know,” I say. “I don’t know a whole lot about him, honestly. I mean, we were only together for a few hours.”

“Instincts,” Ida states simply. “What do your instincts say? What does your gut tell you about him? Is he honest? Does he keep his word?”

I cock my head and look at her. “On a gut level, yeah, I guess he strikes me as somebody who’s true to their word.”

She gives me a smile. “Well, give him the opportunity to keep his word to you,” she says. “Don’t pre-judge him because that is only going to build up resentment inside of you. And once the resentment starts, it’s awful hard to wash it away again. It just makes you see somebody differently – no matter how hard you try to not let it.”

She’s probably right about that. In fact, I’m sure she’s right about that. I’m not at a point where I feel resentment right now, but I know it’s something I should probably remain on guard about. Not even just for Duncan, but for everything in my life.

“The other thing is that you need to take that test, Lexi,” Ida tells me. “You need to know. If for no other reason than to put your own mind and heart at ease.”

“I know, I get it,” I sigh. “It just scares the hell out of me.”

“Of course it does, hon,” she says. “Those two little words – I’m pregnant – would change your entire life. They’d turn your entire world on its head. Having a child is no small thing.”

“Tell me about it,” I groan. “But we were safe. I mean –”

When Ida gives me the look, I bite my words off – simply because I know exactly what she’s going to say next.

“You know as well as I do that nothing is one hundred percent, Lexi,” she says softly. “Even if you use protection, there is always going to be a chance.”

And there it is – exactly what I knew she was going to say, almost word for word. My heart sinks a little more, as if her words somehow start making things more concrete in my mind again. There’s a flutter of butterfly wings in my chest and my stomach roils as I listen to her words, knowing she’s one hundred percent right.

“I know,” I say. “I know you’re right. Believe me, I do.”

“Then you need to find out,” she says. “There are ten thousand practical considerations you need to account for if it turns out that you are pregnant.”

“Only ten thousand? I figured there’d be a lot more than that.”

She laughs softly and takes my hand again. “Not the least of which is finding some way to track down the baby’s father and letting him know,” she says. “You’re not in this alone, hon. And if he’s half the man you seem to think he is, he’ll step up to the plate in a heartbeat.”

I nod and purse my lips. I know she’s right and I happen to believe that Duncan is the sort of man who’d step up if he knew I was pregnant. At the same time, I fear telling him I’m carrying his child – that is, if I can ever find him. I don’t want him feeling trapped or pressured to do anything. To be anything. For all I know, what we shared the night of the gala was a one-night thing for him. Like I said earlier, thoughts and feelings have a way of changing with some distance and perspective.

I shudder to think what life would be like if Duncan felt obligated to be with me simply because I had his child. Talk about something that builds up resentment. When people are forced to do something, they don’t want to do, things can get ugly in a hurry. That’s not the kind of life I want to live, nor is it the kind of life I want my child to be exposed to.

If I’m actually pregnant.

“Before you do anything though,” Ida says. “You need to take that test and find out whether you are, or you aren’t.”