Surprise Delivery(15)

“Oh,” he says, a hint of curiosity in his voice. “Why did you stop taking courses?”

I look over at Bri and see her staring back at me apologetically. I know she didn’t mean to open up this can of worms, but in her overzealousness to sell Duncan on me, she’s taken us down a path I’m not comfortable with. She knows how much I hate the fact that I can’t afford to go back to school right now and she knows it’s killing me inside. I know she’d never intentionally hang my private shame out in public like that, but here we are all the same.

“Honestly, I’d rather not talk about it,” I say, my cheeks burning with heat.

“Anyway,” Bri chirps brightly, doing her best to change the subject. “I heard you’re hooking up with Physicians Worldwide?”

Duncan nods. “Yeah, I leave next week,” he informs her.

“That’s amazing, Doctor Clyburne,” she says. “How did Janet take the news?”

“Not well,” he laughs. “But she said that she’s going to hold my position open for me until I come back.”

“Well, that’s nice of her,” Bri says, the sarcasm in her voice thick. “I never would have expected that of her.”

“Yeah, I was hoping she’d move on and name another Chief for the unit, but she apparently values my work with the donors a little too much to move on completely.”

As they continue to banter, I’m feeling more like a third wheel than anything. My shame is still burning like a bonfire inside of me and I feel like I’m starting to suffocate. At this moment, I want to be anywhere but there. I look around but don’t see an avenue of escape. It’s not like I know anybody here, so there’s nobody for me to go check in with.

“Sorry,” I interject, uttering the first thing that comes to mind. “Can I have your jacket for a few minutes?”

Duncan looks at me and cocks his head. “My jacket?”

I nod quickly. “Yeah, I should really get some seltzer on the champagne before it sets and stains.”

“Oh, no big deal. Honestly,” he tells me. “Don’t even worry about it.”

“No, please, I feel terrible. I insist,” I say.

“I’d rather you not make a big deal –”

“No, seriously,” I persist, setting my face and trying to prevent the embarrassment from leaking out any more than it already has. “I insist. Your jacket. Please.”

He looks at me for a moment, then shrugs, slips his coat off, and hands it to me. I take it from him quickly and start to hustle away.

“Sorry again,” I say. “I’ll get this cleaned up and good as new. Just give me a few.”

“Thank you,” he says. “It’s not really necessary though.”

“Of course, it is,” I call back to him.

I stop at the bar, grab a bottle of seltzer water, then scurry out of the main ballroom. I honestly have no idea if seltzer water will take a champagne stain out of a coat – I’ve seen people using seltzer water on stains in movies. I just need to get the hell out of there for a few minutes. I need to get away from the suffocating pressure that’s bearing down on me and clear my head.

Mostly, I just need to get away from all the lurid thoughts and unchecked emotion running through my brain. Something about being around that man is stirring up a lot of strange, unusual, and uncomfortable thoughts inside of me.

I try a few doors before I finally find one that opens. Breathing a sigh of relief, I open the door, step inside, then close it softly behind me. I reach for the light switch but decided I prefer the anonymity of the darkness better. I walk around, realizing that I’m in one of the hotel’s conference rooms.

I make my way deeper into the room, and after hanging the jacket on the back of a chair, I sit myself down on top of the table. Trying to get myself back under control, I sit there, staring through the wall of glass before me, taking in the view of the city spread out before me.

Bit by bit, my racing heart slows, and the adrenaline stops pumping. I no longer feel like I’m suffocating and feel far more in control of myself than I did a few minutes ago. I’m able to push away all those unwanted thoughts and regain control of my own mind and heart.

Letting myself get attached to somebody like Duncan Clyburne is only going to bring me misery – I repeat that sentence silently in my head over and over again. Eventually, if I repeat it enough, I’m hoping that I’ll actually believe it.

It takes a few minutes, but I finally find myself back in control.

Thank God.





Five





Duncan





“She’s really great, isn’t she, Dr. Clyburne?”

I watch her walk away for a moment longer before turning back to Sabrina. I don’t know Sabrina very well – our paths only cross in the hospital every now and then. But she’s always been pleasant and professional. The few times she’s assisted in the operating room, she’s been smart and efficient. She’s the type of nurse I appreciate having.

“Yeah, she seems pretty – great,” I agree.

“She’s single, you know.”

I chuckle. “Unfortunately, I’m leaving in a few days.”

She shrugs. “Yeah, but you’ll be back.”