Suit (The Twin Duo #1)(87)

Paxton didn’t blink an eye. He stared over at me like I had just figured out Newton’s Law. Like building waterfalls was my specialty. He finally grunted when I elbowed him in the ribs.

“What’s wrong with you? Stop looking at me like that.”

“You’re a fucking genius. That could work. That could work and I could make one hell of a profit off this job. I’m going to look into that. I don’t get it. You just rattled that shit off like you did it every day.”

My eyebrows turned toward inward and my nose scrunched with a silly smile. “Right? Where did that come from?”

“Where do you want a waterfall? I have a whole pile behind my shop from an old basement I dug out. I don’t want to go to Disneyland. I want go home and build a waterfall.”

I laughed and snuggled back into his side. This was going to be a good trip. I felt it deep in my soul. Paxton talked about his plans for the property, totally asking my opinion. Again, I gave my opinion and he listened. For the first time since I met him, I felt like he valued me as a person. Not just a piece of meat, a maid, and cook. Like I mattered.

I closed my eyes when he moved the shrubs around for the fifth time. I yawned and felt a kiss to my head. A relaxing calm blanketing me with love and admiration. It might have taken a lot of time and effort, but I was sure we were going to beat this thing. We had to. People didn’t have this much gravitational pull toward one another without it being real. It was real, and I would take the days like this and deal with the other ones for as long as I could handle it.

~~

“We’re you headed, pretty little thing.”

I didn’t have to turn around to know Tommy Boy’s voice. His arm went around my neck and I smelled the sweat from his armpit.

“I have to go home. Ms. Porter needs her medicine.”

“When we gonna hang out, Yo? You never want to do anything but school work. You gotta live a little. Have some fun. Tell you what. How about you meet me on your stoop at eleven tonight. The old bag will be half dead by then.”

“I can’t. Sorry. I’ll see ya around.”

I tried to get away from him, but he wouldn’t let me. Three other guys enclosed me, one I didn’t even know from our hood. He was young. Like me. The other three were Falcon’s age. Old enough to know better.

“Leave me alone. I’ll scream,” I threatened, my heart pounding heavy in my chest. I was a pea next to one of them, let alone three of them.

“Leave me alone, I’ll scream,” The ring leader patronized me by mimicking my words. I bet his heart wasn’t pounding though. Not like mine.

“Stop it,” I said again, repeating myself over and over. The young one was the daring one.

“Stop it,” Tommy said again in a whiny tone. Mine wasn’t whiny. Mine was scared shitless. Shaky and full of fear. Fear that pumped rapidly through my veins.

I didn’t see what happened directly after that. The next thing I knew I was somewhere else. Somewhere besides the street that I kept myself planted on.

I was an initiation. A seventeen-year-old helping a thirteen year old get into the Birds. A commencement into a gang. Three of them held me down and watched while the newest member did whatever he wanted to me. And just when I thought I was done, the other three helped themselves, too. They didn’t care about me. They didn’t care about my cries, my pleas to stop. They didn’t care. Nobody cared.

I knew where I was because it wasn’t the first time I’d been on that nasty mattress. Falcon took me there when his momma was home. But nobody else. Everyone knew better. The thought of asking for the drugs Tommy Boy promised crossed my mind. I wanted to go there. Where my mom used to go when a needle was inserted to her veins. To a better place.

I ran all the way to Ms. Porters, tears streaking my face for solitude. For a sign of one decent human being. Somebody who cared.

“Where the fuck have you been? I could have stroked out waiting for my medicine.”

It wasn’t her. She didn’t even see the devastation on my face. She wanted her TV dinner and another glass of wine. That’s all she cared about.

“I’m talking to you, you little slut. I knew it. I knew it would just be a matter of time before you started spreading your legs for every black boy in this neighborhood. That where you been, slut?”

I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to die. I wanted my twin. That’s when I ran. I went to my small bedroom and packed only what I had to have. A few clothes, a stuffed moon, and seven dollars that I had been saving to run away. Money I kept back every time Ms. Porter sent me to the store.

That would get me to the end of the street, but I didn’t care. I left anyway. I left with Ms. Porter calling after me.

“Hey, where you going? Get back here, you little slut.” I ran until I couldn’t run anymore.

~~

My eyes opened to me on my computer. Not this me. The before me. Paxton was watching a muted video of him behind me. My heart hurt and I understood why. Why I looked like a robot when he touched me. I shut down. I shut all the way down. The only expression I showed was blank. Had I not seen Paxton pounding me from behind, I would have never known we were even going at it.

“Paxton?”

The screen instantly closed in front of me. I didn’t even care about that. I just didn’t want to remember anymore. I knew what was happening. I read about it. Some trauma patients remembered in steps. Their brain rested and gave them just enough each time. It wasn’t even like a memory, but it was. I knew it happened, and I knew that’s why I had nothing for Paxton then. I wanted it to stop. I didn’t want to remember anymore. My life was better off from this point forward. Post-accident.