Suit (The Twin Duo #1)(55)

“Fuck if I know. I don’t fucking care what her name is, or where she came from. All I know is the bitch is stupid. Some immigrant slut. But, damn, is she a pretty one. I just fucked the hell out of her before I borrowed her pretty little girls. This is gold, dude. I’m telling you. We’re about to make a shitload of money.”

I heard the words to the song, playing quietly in the car while he paused to listen. Something about a broken wing.

“I’m over on Longengate Boulevard. I’ll meet you there in ten.”

Izzy’s body clung tighter to mine as Rod got back into the car and lit another cigar.

“Good news, girls. We’re all set. We’re going to go over and see my friend, Dink.”

“Why?” Izzy asked in a frightened rasp.

“Don’t worry. We’re not going to hurt you. We’re just going to take some photos.”

I relaxed a little. Photos? Phew. That wasn’t so bad. Even at ten, I knew Izzy and I were pretty. People told my mother all the time how pretty we were. Maybe they wanted to put us in a catalogue or something. A lady at a campground once told our mother she should put us in magazines.

After the first initial meeting with Dink, it’s sort of a blur. Neither one of them hurt us. Not by touching us anyway. Not really. The only time one of them touched us was to pose us in different positions or move our legs out. We just did it, because we didn’t know what else to do. We let them take our clothes off and became the product of child-pornography.

Rod didn’t lie to us though. As soon as he was finished with the photo shoot, he took us to McDonald’s, got us an ice-cream cone, and dropped us off at the front of the hotel with a fifty-dollar bill and the hotel key.

“Thanks for your time, ladies. Thank your crack-whore momma, too. Just don’t tell her our secret, okay?” he asked while using a gun-finger to point at Izzy and then me. The imaginary gunshot was enough to scare any little girl.

At least we got the hotel for the night, and a good meal. Our mother slept, passed out naked on the bed. I covered her up and tossed the used condom into the trash with a hotel pen. Izzy removed the band from her arm and brushed dark hair from her face.

My mom stirred and turned to her side. “Mmm, my Clydes. I love you, my pretties,” she slurred. And then she was out.

Izzy and I never spoke of our photo shoot. We didn’t have to. I knew how she felt, and she knew how I felt. We were twins. We felt everything the other one did. I’m pretty sure it had been that way since before birth. My mom told us that every time she laid us down together, we either held hands or locked elbows. That’s what we did on the other bed. Izzy and I stared at the television, elbows locked, internally processing what had happened to us.

Izzy and I never told our mother, we never spoke of it, and I have no idea what became of the pictures. I suppose they’re still out there somewhere. Probably somewhere on the internet now, but I’d never seen them. I didn’t want to see them. I was an adult. They wouldn’t look like me now, anyway.

~~

My eyes opened to the dark room. A heavy lump swelled in my chest and heavy emotions washed through me, like I wanted to cry. My heart hurt for both little girls. I knew that had happened to me. I knew that it had happened to Izzy, but why that? Why did I keep putting pieces together that hurt, that made me sad, and made me miss my mom and Izzy? Why couldn’t I remember who I was now? This day. Not years ago.

I got up and walked to the bathroom, trying to compartmentalize my new memory, the one I didn’t want to remember. The thought to try to go back to sleep wasn’t there. I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted something else. I just didn’t know what.

I strolled out to the kitchen, poured a glass of apple juice, and made my way to the breezeway. Sultry air filled my lungs. I moved to the far end and sat on the concrete wall, overlooking a breathtaking view. The moon was bright and shined off the deep sea. If I could describe a mood, it was that night. Nothing stirred. Nothing but the roar of the distant ocean and the soft breeze.

And the sound of a sob. I don’t even know where it came from. It swelled in my chest and spilled over.

“Gabriella,” I heard in a quiet tone from behind me.

I snorted and shook my head. “Go away, Paxton. Leave me alone.”

If only it was that easy. I sucked in a deep breath while he closed the distance between us, and then I held the air in my lungs.

Paxton wrapped his arms around me from behind. “Why are you crying?”

I snorted again. “You’re a fucking idiot. Anybody ever tell you that?”

Paxton spun me around to face him, but it wasn’t the anger I’d expected. His hands held my face, forcing me to look at him. I did, but I didn’t really see him. I saw a dark silhouette, illuminated by the moonlight.

“I don’t know who the fuck you are. I can’t handle this. I just want things to go back to the way they were before you took off to God knows where.”

“Is that what you really want, Pax? You want me to be that person? Your person?”

“It’s what you agreed to. We had a deal, and you’re fucking it all up,” Paxton said out of desperation. His thumb brushed a tear from my eye and his lips kissed mine.

“I have a feeling you’ve never known me. You know nothing about me.”

Paxton sighed and dropped his hands. His arms crossed and he looked to his bare feet. “That’s the way it was supposed to be. That was the deal. I never wanted to know you. Not until now.”