Stuck-Up Suit(19)

Soraya: On the train home now. Have I mentioned I don’t like clowns?

Graham: You haven’t. But I think that is a pretty common phobia.

Soraya: My little monster of a niece wasn’t scared in the slightest. Figures. What did you do tonight?

I was sitting alone in my living room with piles of documents strewn all over my glass coffee table and a cognac in my hand. Today had been a fourteen-hour day. Every time I thought of contacting her, I forced my nose back into my work. My eyes gave out before my desire.

Graham: I worked late.

Soraya: You know the old saying…all work and no play…

Graham: Makes Graham a wealthy boy.

Soraya: Maybe. But what good is wealth if you have no time to enjoy it.

I tossed back the remnant of my glass. I’d heard those exact words too many times to count. From my grandmother.

Graham: Have you thought about what I asked?

Soraya: Are you referring to my forthcoming calendar?

Wiseass. It was driving me nuts to know she was out tonight and had refused to commit to not seeing other people. Yesterday, I had told her that it was a deal breaker. At the time, I was trying to push her into an all or nothing decision in my favor. But after the last twenty-four hours, I was certain there was no way in hell I could do an open relationship with this woman. Usually, it’s me who avoids committing. I was getting a taste of my own medicine, I suppose.

Graham: I am.

Soraya: How about this? You’ll come with me to a social event of my choosing, and I’ll attend one of your choosing. If you still want to see me exclusively after, I’m game.

What did she think? That my spending time with her friends was going to make me realize we were so vastly different that it could never work? Or was it the other way around? She wouldn’t fit into my lifestyle. Clearly, she overestimated the extent in which I give a f*ck about what people think in either camp.

Graham: It’s entirely unnecessary, but if that makes you happy, I’ll do it. When can I attend a social event of your choosing?

Soraya: Thursday night. Tig and Delia are having a party at their tattoo shop. It’s the one-year anniversary of the grand opening.

Graham: Friday night. The Pink Ribbon Gala at the Met. It’s an annual fundraiser I support.

Soraya: A gala, huh? I’ll have to dye my tips to match my fancy dress.

Graham: Is it a date?

Soraya: Two dates. And yes.

That night, I slept better than I had the last week. As usual, Sunday afternoon I visited my grandmother. She had me take her shopping and then made me one of my favorite meals. It was generally my only homemade meal each week.

Monday morning, I was up early and ran seven miles instead of my usual morning four. As I headed for the train station, I realized how much I was looking forward to seeing Soraya. When her stop came and went, and she didn’t get on, I pouted, then called my secretary to give her a list of things to do before I arrived. I knew it wasn’t possible to accomplish all of them, but at least it gave me an excuse to unload my frustration on someone.

That day, I was especially cranky. By five o’clock, I found myself again writing to Ask Ida.



Dear Ida:

There’s a woman who I look forward to seeing on the train every day. This morning she wasn’t there. I think she might be intentionally avoiding me because she’s unable to fight her sexual attraction any longer and is worried she’ll give in and let me have my way with her. How can I be sure?

–Celibate in Manhattan



Twenty minutes later, a response popped up in my inbox.



Dear Celibate:

Get a hold of yourself. Contrary to what it appears you may believe, the world does not revolve around you. Perhaps this woman had an early morning doctor’s appointment to refill her birth control pills. Something a celibate man like yourself might appreciate—that is, if you are ever afforded the opportunity to break that vow of celibacy. Perhaps you should take a different train for a while. Better yet, take a trip to your own physician for some testing. On the off chance that you have an opportunity with this mysterious train woman, you’ll want to be prepared.



My day had already been monopolized thinking about why she wasn’t on the train this morning. Fucking great. Now it would be impossible to think about anything else but coming inside of her, for the entire night.

***

SORAYA NEVER SHOWED UP on the train the following two days either. I got the feeling she had chosen to intentionally avoid me until our date. Thank God tonight was the night of the party at the tattoo shop. Otherwise, I might have lost my damn mind.

I was about to explode in more ways than one. My emotions were out of control, and it no longer felt healthy to hold everything in. There was only one person I could trust with details of my personal life. I normally never called my grandmother during the week, but for some reason, I felt like I needed her to set me straight today before I made a total ass of myself tonight. Pushing the pile of papers on my desk aside, I picked up the phone. It rang three times before she answered.

“Graham? Are you alright?”

“Everything is fine, Meme.”

“You don’t normally call me on a Thursday.”

“I know.”

“What’s going on? You seemed preoccupied last Sunday. Is something wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong.”