Strong Enough (Tall, Dark, and Dangerous #1)(68)

“Muse, calm down. You’re tired. You’ve been through a lot in the last little while,” he says soothingly, reaching out to stroke my upper arms like he’s pacifying a child.

“Stop it!” I hiss, throwing off his hands. “Stop treating me like an imbecile. You have no idea what you’ve done to me. What all this has done to me.”

His eyes are full of remorse. “I never meant for you to get involved. I never meant for this to touch you. I never meant for this to be your life.”

“Fat lotta good that does me now, huh, Dad?” I snap bitterly.

A pinch of guilt nips at my conscience when I see his expression fall. It’s as though I physically slapped him across the face. It’s not fair, of course. I’m just lashing out. I know he’d never purposely hurt me, and I know that this is all a by-product of his career and the way in which he has lived his life. It’s collateral damage. I am collateral damage.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I need to get a handle on this before I say or do something else I’ll regret.

“Look, I know you’ve always tried to live your life being good, doing good, making choices that have the right outcomes, but sometimes no one can see how far the ripples will spread. No one can know that. And you were no exception.”

I can see that he’s relieved by my composure. He’s never known how to deal with a woman’s outburst. I remember that well enough from my hormonal teenage years.

“Muse, you’re smart and capable, resilient and one of the most talented artists I’ve ever seen. You’ll land on your feet no matter what curveball life throws your way. I never worry about that. Even if that curveball is making some big changes, like moving again or taking on a different name, you’ll take it all in stride. That’s your nature. You’ll still be you, Muse Marie Harper, no matter how other people know you. But what I do worry about is your safety. If it weren’t for that, I’d never suggest you pick up your life and move it.”

“That’s why you let me believe moving to San Diego was for you, wasn’t it? You knew I’d never go unless I believed I was protecting you.”

That’s the one thing I inherited from my father. I don’t run.

His smile is sadly sheepish, one that says he’s been caught red-handed.

“I know you well, Daughter.”

“So it would seem,” I reply. My part should’ve ended with “Father” as his ended in “Daughter.” It’s a simple way we’ve teased each other since I was a little girl. But today is not a day for teasing. Things are not the same as they were when I was a little girl. They may never be again.

He grips my shoulders, his fingertips digging in tight as he bends his knees a little so that he can look me square in the eye. “Everything I’ve ever done was to keep you safe. From defending this country on the front lines to working with covert teams to take out threats against it, it has always been with you in mind. Giving my baby a safe place to grow and prosper. I just never expected it to come to her door this way because of it.”

I swallow my resentful retort. I know he meant well, but it still stings right now. Nothing but time and distance will change that. But right now, I can at least give him this. “You couldn’t have known, Dad.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

I don’t know what else to say to that, mainly because I don’t know what the right answer is. All I know is that talking about all this isn’t doing anybody any good. Trying to survive today and planning for tomorrow are the only things worthwhile right now.

I nod and attempt a smile, needing air and space and time to think and heal and go forward. I hike my thumb over my shoulder. “I’m gonna go look through what Jasper left me and get a plan together.”

“No breakfast?”

“No, maybe later.”

He nods, but his smile is strained, as is his expression. He knows me well enough to know that this is something I have to do on my own. He has to let me come to terms with it in my way, in my time. The days of him sheltering me are over.

I stop before I close my bedroom door, calling back over my shoulder. “Dad, could you find Jasper for me? If I needed you to?”

I hold my breath as I await his answer, the one I have a suspicion that I already know. The one I believe to be inevitable.

“No, honey,” he replies soberly. “If he doesn’t want to be found, there’s probably not a person in the world who could catch him.”

My heart sinks. “That’s what I thought.”

When I close the door, it feels like I’m closing the door on so much more than just a plain white hallway wall.





THIRTY-FOUR


Muse

I sit on the bed with the makings of a whole new life spread out around me—a new social security card, a new driver’s license, a new passport with my DMV photo on it. It’s even been stamped several times, like I’m an accomplished world traveler. All of them look slightly worn. Handled, like they would if they really were mine. And they’re all in the name of Elizabeth Harker.

In the bottom of the bag sit several stacks of money in four different currencies, sunglasses, and a wig if I need them. Staring at it all makes me feel incredibly sad and heartbroken because it assures me that the life I’ve always known is over. Whoever is after Dad’s team and their families put me in danger, too. There’s no way he’ll give me a moment’s peace if I try to stay at this point. Jasper obviously agrees.