Steam (Homecoming Hearts #4)(23)

Trent squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn’t cried over his mom or his dog. Not once. What the fuck was wrong with him? Was he even human? What kind of dickhead didn’t grieve for his family?

“The puppy doesn’t replace Lancelot,” his dad grumbled.

Trent smacked the glass counter, making his dad jump. Finally, they looked at one another. Trent curled his hand into a fist and took a breath. He wasn’t going to lose his temper. He wasn’t that guy.

“Merlin isn’t supposed to replace anyone,” Trent said, his voice heavy as he deflated. “I just thought he’d be a good friend for you. That…that he’d be better at looking after you than I’ve been.”

That sounded like he was letting himself off the hook, but that really wasn’t it. He wasn’t ever going to have a life at the Grand. The best he could do would be to repair things with his dad to call every week or two, like they used to. Merlin could be with his dad every damn day. Trent didn’t want him to be lonely. Sure, his dad had friends at the resort and in the nearby towns. But Merlin could be with him all the time. He’d never judge him.

“Look, Trent,” his dad said. He rubbed his eyes under his glasses. They had a different smudge on them today. “I appreciate what you’re doing. But I don’t know what you’re expecting. Maybe you should just go back to California.”

The words hit Trent like a sucker punch. “No,” he said carefully. “I want to try and make things right.” Besides, Barry wouldn’t let him come back so soon. Trent had to stick it out in the mountains for as long as his manager said.

Trent’s dad clicked his fingers and managed to get Merlin’s attention long enough to attach his leash. “Some things,” he said slowly, “you just can’t fix. Too much damage has been done. You can stay as long as you like. Just…bear that in mind.”

Trent watched silently as his dad placed a ‘Back in ten minutes’ sign on the counter, then led Merlin and his wagging tail out the door. Trent sagged against the counter, his stomach rolling.

Goddamn it. He would give anything to change what had happened. He wished his mom hadn’t gone on the slopes that day. He wished he had charged his phone. He wished he’d swallowed his own shit and just come back to be with his dad two years ago, no matter how difficult that was.

But he couldn’t alter any of that. All he could do was keep trying and hope that eventually, he and his dad might have some sort of breakthrough.

In the meantime, he was going to go back to his cabin, change his clothes, then hope that Ashby really did want to hang out tonight. Because if ever Trent needed a stiff drink and a friendly face, it was right then.





10





Ashby





When Ashby plugged his phone in to charge back in his room, he had a momentary ice-cold wash of panic that he hadn’t called Gordon yet today. Then he remembered he no longer had to do that.

He sat down on the bed and took a few long breaths. He knew he hadn’t been in love with Gordon for almost a year now. But undoing the damage of his controlling behavior, which had sunk its claws into Ashby in so many different ways, was going to take longer than overcoming any heartbreak.

It took a long, hot shower to get rid of the chill which the prospect of talking to Gordon had instilled in him. He needed to shake that off and enjoy his damn holiday like he was supposed to. That included meeting his new friend Trent for dinner and drinks.

Feeling like Gordon had crawled under his skin again meant Ashby experienced several twinges of guilt before he was finally able to truly convince himself he was single now and could do whatever the hell he liked. Not that this was even a date. But Gordon wouldn’t have liked Ashby hanging out with another guy one-on-one, no matter the circumstances.

But he could do what he wanted now. He just needed to be brave. Ashby knew there wasn’t enough that scared him in his life.

When you were born privileged, it was easy to numb yourself to the world. There were never any real consequences for failure. In Singapore, he’d been in a bubble of other ex-pat Brits, all very well off and sheltered from the Asian culture around them. Like glorified tourists with maids and nannies and cooks, like that was real life.

It took Ashby years to realize what a disadvantage that gave him. The most shocking development in his life had been to discover he was gay, a fact he was sure of by the tender age of thirteen.

But even that wasn’t the great catastrophe he knew so many other people faced in their lives. His parents hardly blinked an eyelid, telling him they loved him no matter what, and honestly, had always sort of known. Therefore, his fear had developed very late when he’d stepped out from his sheltered life into the real world and finally been subjected to the true prejudice of someone who was so effeminate and obviously queer.

It was only as he hit his twenties, a few years ago, did he learn how cruel people could be. So he did the only logical thing he could think of.

He stayed out of the ‘real’ world as much as he possibly could.

Money could get you all kinds of magical places. His stunning good looks, although hardly rugged or masculine, still opened all manner of doors. Ashby knew he was a coward. That was why he stayed on the peripheral, where things were shiny and simple. As much as possible, he stayed within his comfort zone.

But deep down, he knew that as much as there was a part of him which craved that safety, there was also a darker side of him that pushed him up the side of that damn mountain that morning.