Starfall (Starflight #2)(38)
The weight of half a dozen gazes settled on Cassia’s face. She feared looking at the crew because she knew she would find pity on their faces. She chanced a glance at them and found something far worse—proof that she was the last to know.
“Nice to meet you, Shanna,” she heard herself say. “I like your shoes.”
She didn’t wait for a response. Instead, she faced Gage and focused on the safety goggles around his neck. “Kane told me you offered him a signing bonus. Would you give it to him now so we can get airborne again? We’re in a hurry.” She held up her com-bracelet, then noticed her hand was shaking and quickly lowered it. “I need to make a call. Is there someplace quiet I can go?”
When he didn’t answer fast enough, she bored her gaze into his and silently begged him to take her away. Something hot and sharp was stabbing the organs behind her navel, and she couldn’t hold it off for much longer.
“Of course. I’ll show you to my mother’s room.”
He cupped her elbow and led her down the corridor in smooth, casual strides that turned hasty as soon as her breath began to hitch and her lower lip started quivering. They picked up the pace to a jog. Seconds later, he ushered her through an open doorway into an enormous, blurry bedroom.
“Thanks,” she said, reaching for the keypad. “I owe you one.”
Gage stood on the other side of the threshold, fidgeting with his hands. “Hey, about what happened back there. If it’s any consolation—”
“It’s not.”
She closed the door just in time. As the panel slid into place, a bubble rose from her throat and burst free in a noisy sob. Another bubble followed, and then another. She pressed a hand to her mouth, but she couldn’t stifle the sound. She kept thinking about her wedding day, and how she’d regretted not embracing her feelings for Kane. All the while he’d been exploring his feelings for someone else.
She was losing him in every possible way.
What followed over the next several minutes wasn’t the sort of dignified weeping that befitted a queen. She drained heartbreak from her entire face. Her eyes leaked, her nose ran—even her chin had needed wiping at one point. When it was over and no more tears would come, she felt like someone had scooped out her insides and stuffed her with sawdust.
Still hiccuping, she shuffled to the adjoining bathroom, where she blew her nose and splashed cool water on her face. She riffled through a drawer of makeup and helped herself to a dab of skin-firming cream to lessen the puffiness beneath her eyes. With the help of a few other cosmetics, she made herself look human again.
Even if she didn’t feel that way.
A peal of laughter rang out from the other end of the compound and reminded her that she didn’t have the luxury of hiding all day. It was time to put on her big-girl pants and do her job. First she would call General Jordan. Then she would scrape together the remnants of her dignity and face the crew. She sat on the edge of the bed and issued a transmission request.
Jordan sat at his desk when he answered. The instant he spotted her, he flew up from his chair and asked, “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Do you need troops?”
She touched the delicate area below her eyes. Maybe she could use some more skin cream. “I’m fine. No need to sound the alarm.”
“But you’ve been crying.”
“People cry. It happens.”
“I’ve never seen you crack, not even in Marius’s dungeon. So whatever made you cry, it must’ve been bad.”
“Not really. It’s just a new policy I enacted. Every now and then I’ll shed a few tears to prove I’m not an android.”
Jordan reluctantly took his seat. He rubbed the back of his neck and seemed to hesitate before he spoke. “Want to talk about it?”
“No, I don’t.”
He studied her for a few moments, moving his gaze across her face in a thoughtful way that made her stomach flutter again. This time she couldn’t dismiss it as hunger. “Can I tell you something?”
She swallowed hard. “Can I stop you?”
“Only if you disconnect.”
“Then go ahead.”
“Princesses are born,” he said. “Queens are made.” He paused to let that sink in as he leaned forward and rested both forearms on his knees. “Do you know the first time I saw you as a queen instead of a princess?”
She shook her head.
“On your wedding night, when I snuck through Marius’s balcony and found you holding a laser blade to his throat.” He delivered a serious look, until his cheeks darkened and he flashed a sheepish grin. “I saw what you were wearing and I said to myself: Here’s a girl who can do more in her underwear than most men can do in full-body armor.”
That made her smile.
“You didn’t wait for me to rescue you,” he went on. “You used your wits and your resources to take control of the situation. You’re tenacious, and that makes you unstoppable. That night I looked at a princess, but what I saw was a queen.”
Without meaning to, she lifted a palm to her chest. No one had ever spoken to her like this, and from deep inside she felt her wounded heart beating a little stronger than before.
“You’re destined for great things, Cassia Adelaide Rose,” he said. “Don’t lose sight of that. I know there are obstacles in your path, but I also know they won’t stop you from reaching your destination. I believe in you.” He smiled more tenderly this time. “I hope that counts for something.”