Stacking the Deck (A Betting on Romance Novel Book 2)(103)

“What?”

“I’ll never forget how Russ proposed. He looked me in the eye and said our chances were as good as any other couple, and why shouldn’t we get married?”

“Romantic.”

Trish shrugged. “He was right. Maybe it seemed crazy for two kids to get married, but no crazier than our being parents to begin with. Mom and Dad were convinced I was throwing my life away, but Russ got his first sales job after that, did really well, and here we are.”

“Do you love him?”

Trish’s features softened as she looked at the baby. “Maybe it’s not the romantic life most girls dream about, but it’s a good life. I get to do what I want, when I want, most of the time. And I only have to deal with Russ’ dirty laundry when he’s home. He’s done the best he could by me and the kids. Neither one of us is perfect.”

“But, do you love him?” Liz repeated, stamping down her impatience.

Trish set her mug on the table and looked Liz in the eye. “I’d be an idiot not to. And no matter what anybody says, I’ve never been stupid.”

Liz smiled. “No, you never have.”

Liz sipped her coffee.

“So what are you going to do now? What’s the plan?”

Liz choked on her coffee. “You sound like Aunt Claire. I don’t have a plan.”

Trish pulled a yellow legal pad from under Liz’s laptop case, flipped to a clean page and shoved it forward. “Then make a new one.”

Liz’s palms began to sweat as she stared at the blank page. “I wouldn’t know where to start.”

Trish stared at her a moment then yanked the notepad back across the table. She divided the page into three columns. “Okay. Here’s what I see. There are the things you thought you wanted—financial security, professional accomplishments, a man who wears more hair product than you… Grant—that’s all column one.” She hastily jotted each item one over the other. “Column three is everything you know you don’t want—”

“Jail time, any more class reunions...” Liz said.

“Halitosis,” Trish eagerly added. Liz gave her a look. “Okay. Now here’s the middle column, the things you’re not sure how you feel about. That would include, and I’m only guessing because I heard you were offered a promotion but neglected to jump at the opportunity… your job…”

“…my home…” Liz sighed.

“... and the man who you refuse to discuss but we all know you’re thinking about… Carter.” Trish wrote his name in all caps and blew a whistle through her teeth. “Hmm. That middle column’s a doozey.”

“No kidding.”

Liz stared at the list… a spreadsheet of all that was wrong with her life. The problem was, the center column was her dream column—the column she’d neatly and effectively ignored for ten years of her life. She’d tucked it in that box, thrown away the key and forgotten all about it, thank you very much, until a cursed man with a wicked smile and way too much charm came waltzing back into her life and got her thinking again. Thinking about possibilities and kisses and youthful fantasies she had no business dreaming about again.

Damn him. Damn him and his devilish smile and his gorgeous butt and making her fall in love with him!

Liz jabbed a finger at Carter’s name. “It’s all his fault. I was perfectly content until he came along. Perfectly happy!”

“Perfectly?”

“Fine. Almost perfectly.”

“Is that anything like being almost engaged?”

“Stop talking to Bailey.” Liz shoved the pad away in disgust. “Aargh! What’s wrong with me anyway? I had it all worked out, Trish. Everything was going along so smoothly.”

“Just like you planned?”

“Yes! No! That’s the problem, isn’t it?” She flumped forward, her hands buried in her hair. “It’s just like Carter said. I’ve got my lists and my plans, but you can’t live a life that way.” Liz looked up at Trish in shock. “Oh my God, I didn’t! I didn’t plan any of it. My whole life!”

“Of course you did. You’re the Queen of Lists.”

“That’s just it. I was reacting, not acting.” Liz leapt up and began to pace. “I did well in school because I spent so much time there instead of here. Professor Greeny gave me a lead for a job, because I was constantly in his office asking for extra study notes so I wouldn’t end up back in Sugar Falls struggling to get by like Mom and Dad.”

She whirled toward Trish. “Everything has just... happened. Now I don’t know what’s next, because, truly, I don’t know how I got here! I don’t know what I want. I just know I can’t go back.” Liz sucked in a breath and stared at her sister. “I can’t go back.”

“Because of this Grant guy? He’s gone, Liz. Vamoose. Adios.”

“No. Because... I don’t want to.” She didn’t want to. She hadn’t jumped at the promotion, because she didn’t want it! “All my life, I’ve tried to be what I thought other people wanted me to be. I took what seemed the safe bet. But, I don’t want to bury myself researching Forrester and Gartner anymore. I don’t even want to explain to you what that is. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life pouring over spreadsheets and timelines and watching people’s eyes glaze over when I tell them what I do. It feels like… like I’ve been trying all this time to make everything turn out right instead of trying to be happy. Instead of being real.”