Speakeasy (True North #5)(62)

It’s just that I won’t ever completely believe him again.

You hate the Shipleys. Everyone knows it.

The phone keeps dancing in my pocket. I’ll be on this road another twenty minutes. I’m going thirty-five miles an hour because it’s snowing and I can’t see very well beyond the headlights.

The suspense is killing me. Do Alec and I end just like this? Because an angry, detoxing bartender decides to spit venom everywhere?

I reach into my pocket and pull out the phone. Sure enough, there’s a flurry of texts from “Selena.”

He’s angry at me and full of shit.

He once said that I should sleep with you to piss off Griff. I might have laughed.

I don’t even remember. But that’s not what happened.

You don’t want to hear this, but it’s true—

The last three words take my breath away.

I love you.

I stare at it a split second too long. When I look up again at the road, it’s too late to react to the doe standing in my lane. And since I’m holding my phone, I have only one hand on the steering wheel.

Swerving is my only option. But in spite of my studded tires, I skid in the fine layer of new-fallen snow. I miss the deer.

But I don’t miss the trunk of a tree rushing at me in the glare of my high beams.

My shriek echoes in the car before the loud crunch and the sound of broken glass.





Chapter Twenty-Three





Alec


I don’t get to bed until three a.m. And then I lay there, missing May.

She never replied to my texts. She’s obviously super pissed at me. And I don’t know if she’s ever going to forgive me. Or if she’ll ever feel about me the way I feel about her.

I lie here in the dark feeling lost in a bed that’s too big without her. I’m not guilty of sleeping with her to annoy Griff. After Smitty made that joke before the law school thing, I probably laughed. But when May and I hooked up, I never gave a thought to her stupid brother.

And yet I’m still guilty of so many things. I probably laughed at Smitty’s joke. And I never noticed Smitty’s downward spiral. Even Zara noticed his odd behavior the night she subbed for me. Smitty keeps disappearing on breaks, she’d texted. What’s with that?

What indeed. I thought he was ducking out back for cigarettes. But I never saw him with one. Maybe I thought he was making calls.

I didn’t care enough to notice.

If May was here right now I’d curl up around her body, hold her while she slept, and listen to the soft sound of her breathing. Maybe then I could get some peace. But she isn’t here, because she knows better.

Just because I’m finally ready to fall for a girl doesn’t mean the girl is dumb enough to fall for me.

My alarm goes off at the predawn hour of ten a.m. Trust me, if you own a bar, and especially if you cleaned up after a wake until three a.m., ten is indeed a predawn hour.

In my twenties, my mantra was, I’ll sleep when I’m dead. At thirty-two, it’s not funny anymore. I feel half dead right now.

But maybe it’s just the heartbreak talking.

When the beer delivery truck shows up, I unlock the storeroom door for Kevin to bring in the kegs. “We brought you an extra Long Trail,” he says, “because you didn’t answer Chelsea’s email.”

“Chelsea sent me an email?” I’ve been too swamped with the wake and with almost watching Smitty die to read any fricking emails.

Kevin looks troubled. “You’re not getting any Goldenpour this week.”

“Wait. What? I didn’t get any last week.”

“Yeah. No kegs for the Gin Mill. So I brought you a Long Trail because you didn’t tell us what you want instead.”

“Where’s Chelsea?” I ask, glancing around. She’s always here during my beer delivery. Except that last night…

Oh, fuck.

“She’s in the truck,” Kevin says.

Fuckity fuckity fuck. I pass Kevin without another word and go out to the truck. Sure enough, Chelsea is sitting in the cab, poking at her phone. I reach up and open the door. “Can I have a word with you, please?”

She gives me a wary glance, but then hops down. “What can I do for you?” she asks.

“Look.” I take her in. She’s wearing a bright pink parka and skinny jeans. She looks about twelve years old, and I don’t know why I didn’t notice our yawning age gap sooner. “I know I haven’t been a lot of fun lately,” I start.

Chelsea snorts. “You’ve been dodging me. Don’t you think that’s kind of weak? You should just own it. You’ve got something going on with Shipley’s sister. So just say that. Don’t be a dick.”

Fine, so she’s young, but she’s also smarter than I am. “Well, the thing with May has been different for me.” As I say this, I realize it’s not just an excuse. May snuck up on me, and I wasn’t really expecting it.

“Got it,” she says. “You actually care about someone for once, and it threw you for a loop.”

“Hey, now,” I argue, because that’s character assassination. “I care about lots of people all the time.” I don’t get off on loving ’em and leaving ’em. I’ve never been that guy. “I’m sorry I wasn’t more forthcoming with you, but I didn’t realize I was taken until it was suddenly true.”