Sometimes Moments (Sometimes Moments, #1)(91)

I’m not proud of those words. I’ll always regret saying them. Peyton didn’t speak to me for three weeks. I deserved it. I had accused her of not loving me because I wasn’t dead. I was scared to lose her, but I had said everything that ensured that I would. I was jealous of you. I have never been jealous of anyone until I was of you, Callum. I wanted Peyton to love me. I wanted Peyton’s heart. I believed there wasn’t room for her to love me after you. I had planned to work the last few months off my contract and return to the suburbs. But I needed to leave quickly. I wasn’t needed in town anymore. It was the night before I was going to leave when Peyton was at my door, crying. She apologised, saying that she was being selfish and that she should have told me. Graham had told her of my plans of leaving. She begged me not to go. She begged me to listen to her. When I agreed, she said only three words, and they were ‘I love you.’

I have no explanation for how I felt when I heard those three words. But I think you know what it’s like to be loved by Peyton Spencer. When I confessed that I loved her, too, she cried and kissed me. That night, she told me everything about you. She told me that she’d cried because she’d realised she felt guilty for loving me more than she loved you. That, in some way, she felt like she was cheating on you by loving me. I had never felt like more of an * than those weeks of my life. I almost lost Peyton and I didn’t want that to have ever happen again.

The second worst day of my life was when our son was born. It’s a terrible thing for a father to say, but just listen. You’ll understand. Peyton went into labour and we rushed to the hospital. Everything went to plan until after my son screamed and Peyton’s hand fell from mine. Our son was too big to be born naturally and a Caesarean was performed. Peyton didn’t even see him before her eyes shut. She was haemorrhaging and losing a lot of blood. The helpless feeling of knowing my wife was about to die was surreal. I had never felt so lost in my life. In that moment, I was blessed with a beautiful son, but I was close to losing the love of my life.

I also knew what it must have been like in the last moments of your life. I felt like I was you, Callum. I didn’t know how to say goodbye. I didn’t want to believe what was happening. I thought of my life without Peyton and it was impossible. I was scared. The jealously I held for you disappeared and every self-doubt I had left me. The only thing that mattered in my life was ensuring my son grew up with his mother by his side. Peyton doesn’t know why I named my son after you. Why? Because while the doctor was trying to save her, she called out your name and reached out in the direction the nurse had taken our son. I wasn’t envious or jealous that she hadn’t called out for me. Peyton had named our son and I was proud.

I’d never thought the feeling of being Peyton’s husband could be surpassed. I was wrong. Being the father of her child did it. The relief of knowing we were going to raise our son together comes close. I prayed to God to save her, but I also prayed to you, hoping you’d influence Fate.

Peyton showed me your last letter to her. You spoke of her experiencing life’s firsts after you, Callum. Those life’s firsts she shared with me. And they have been the best moments of my life. (I also fell in love with her mother’s French toast the moment Peyton introduced me to them!)

Everything you wanted her to achieve, she has. She became someone’s fiancée, someone’s wife, and the mother of someone’s child.

For whatever reason, I was blessed to be that someone.

And for that, I thank you. You played your part in our forever. You brought Graham and Madilynne together. If they had never married, I would have never taken over the farm, never met Peyton, never fallen in love with Peyton, never asked her to marry me, never married her, and never held and loved our son.

She tells me that I am her forever moments and that you were her sometimes. But I think that’s where she’s wrong. In some stages of her life, Peyton never had sometimes. In those moments, she lived and she had forever.

I hope that the man you wrote of was me. I hope I do justice to the man you envisioned for Peyton. I hope you can see that I’ve done my best to be enough for her. I hope that you approve of my love. If not, I’ll love her harder than I already do, although I’m not sure that’s possible.

Thank you for loving Peyton the way you did. I know that she will always love you and I hope one day she tells our son of you.

Thank you for Peyton. Until the day I die, I will never stop thanking you, Callum Reid.

My happiness, my wife, and my son are because of you.

Cooper Hepburn.





Remember me and smile, for its better to forget than to remember me and cry.

Dr Seuss





Sometimes Moments has been a very special book for me. Being my first standalone, it allowed me to write freely. I loved the concept of this book and what ‘sometimes moments’ meant. I’m not going to lie, I was worried and scared. And there were times where I didn’t want to publish it at all. The ending was something I had never written before. But when I sat in class back in my final year of university in 2014, this story began and I knew how it ended from the moment I wanted to write it. I wanted Sometimes Moments to not be about a ‘sad’ story. I wanted it to be about a beautiful story. The story of Peyton. The story of Callum. The story of them. I wanted it to show people the beauty of hope and of there being more. The beauty that ‘The End’ wasn’t something to cause pain. There is always a forever—even if it wasn’t the ideal or wanted forever. Because well, life is a cluster of sometimes moments.