Sometimes Moments (Sometimes Moments, #1)(59)

Callum and I,

We’re dying.





Dear Peyton,

I don’t know where you are in life at the moment, but I hope you’re happy. I hope that, whatever happens, you don’t hate Callum Reid. If you do, I’m sorry. That’s entirely my fault. In this moment, right now, it was a choice I made because I wanted him to make me happy. I wanted him to make me better. Being with him, I feel, and I haven’t felt in a long time. But you know that all too well.

You’re probably reading this because he’s gone and you’re wondering why you did this. You love him, Peyton. That’s why. Because you would rather be loved by him for now than not at all. Whatever his reasons are for leaving this time round, accept them. You got a lot more than last time.

I know that I should have forced him away a lot sooner, but he’s the one I can’t let go. I know he will break my heart, I knew that going into it all. But I’ve been lonely for so long that I just wanted to be loved by him, like I always have. I hope that he’s told you what ‘Sometimes Moments’ are, because I have a feeling it was what we were and all we could have.

Maybe, in the short space of time he allowed us to have together, we had our forever. That’s what I’ll tell myself. It’s been a lonely life, Peyton, but it’s been a good one, without or without Callum. I hope that you’ve mended things with Jay and Graham. Being with Callum again made me realise just how much my love for them all differs. I love Graham more purely because he gave me the strength I needed. And Jay... I will love him for his friendship. But Callum I love the most. I have always loved Callum the most. I love him more than I love breathing. I love him more than the pain I have to endure to be with him and to save him. I love him more than I love myself, and I love him enough to sacrifice a forever with him for now.

I know you’re hurt, Peyton. I can feel it right now. But your heart loves him enough to give up a future with him. You see, the heart is a funny thing. So vital yet so easily broken. It doesn’t take much to destroy an organ. But he will destroy more than that; he will destroy your soul and your belief. Give it time, Peyton. You will learn all over again. You will be okay.

I know that, in the end, this is all worth it. I hope that you told him that he found redemption the moment he walked back into your life. Give him his freedom, Peyton. Let him walk away.

Your heart will beat again. It will find a will to live and love.

I believe in you.

Peyton.



Pressing save and labelling the document “When he’s gone,” Peyton closed her laptop. Then she looked down at the rug to see him asleep near the fireplace, his designs sprawled across the floor.

After they’d made love, he’d kissed her and lain next to her until he’d gotten off the bed and put his clothes on. The sight of him dressing had been an eye opener. Words were nothing in comparison to actions. And Callum’s actions had proved that this was temporary for them. He’d given her one last kiss before he’d said that he had to go home and shower.

She hadn’t expected him at her bathroom door as she’d lain in the bath this morning. He had placed the designs on the sink counter, walked over to her, and sat next to the tub. He’d held her hand as they’d enjoyed the peaceful moment. By the time the hot water had turned lukewarm, Callum had let go of her hand and stood up. She’d tilted her head at him, and he’d kissed her forehead before telling her that he’d let her bathe. Once he’d walked out, she’d sat in the water until it had gone cold before she’d gotten out and changed.

Now, sitting on the couch, she watched him sleep. He hadn’t been himself since returning to her house, his smile never quite becoming full and his eyes filled in concern. When she’d asked him what was wrong, he’d blamed it on a mild headache and exhaustion with working on the designs so late.

Peyton removed the laptop from her lap and placed it on the blanket she had been using to cover her legs before approaching the fireplace. After picking up a log from the basket, she threw it in the pit and watched the flames inhale the wood.

Turning around, she got on her knees and started to pick up the pens around Callum. She was just able to see the design of the lakeside dance floor, but he was sleeping over most of the design. Slowly, she pulled on the piece of paper that was under his arm. When she got it out from under him, Callum opened his eyes and sat up. She couldn’t help but laugh at the startled look on his face.

“How long have I been asleep?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

Placing the paper on the coffee table, Peyton said, “Not long. Few hours, I think. It’s almost two.”

Callum threw his head back and sighed. “Should have woken me. We missed lunch.”

“You looked like you needed sleep. I got work done and prepped everything for when my first guests arrive on Monday. I’ve been busy.” She smiled and picked up the creased design. “Is this for the lakeside dance floor for the wedding?”

She took in the design. It was beautiful. From what she could see, the dance floor would be an octagon. On the edges, small lights were to be placed in a cut in the wood, and in the middle would be a glass plate.

“You like it?” he asked.

Peyton couldn’t help the smile that developed on her face. “I love it.”

“That’s a relief. It’s not quite done yet. I need to modify some of the measurements and add an inner row of lights. I want posts outside of the dance floor where we can have lights above them while they dance. On the water, I was thinking floating lanterns. That way, it adds to the scenery. I think Marissa would like that.”