Sometimes Moments (Sometimes Moments, #1)(16)

“It’s gone,” Callum breathed.

The way his mouth formed a frown had her feeling guilty.

Turning to her left, she looked out at the lake. Since his return, she’d spoken more about her parents than she had at any other time in the last four years. The burning sensation in her eyes had her trying to blink it away.

“I had to take it down. I couldn’t see their faces every day,” Peyton explained. When the burning left her, she faced him.

“I’m sorry,” he said softy.

Peyton tensed. “For what?”

“Everything. I was a kid, Peyton. I was seventeen. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just knew that I had to leave. I couldn’t stay.”

He couldn’t stay. Peyton let that simmer in her thoughts. Couldn’t and wouldn’t were two different words with two different meanings. Just like Callum. He used different words that didn’t match their actual meaning.

“How do you know Oscar?” Peyton asked, dodging the question of the past and reaching for the menu.

When he didn’t reply straight away, she glanced at him with a ‘go on’ expression on her face.

“He was one of the first people I met once I got to the city. We went to high school together and then uni… Where’s the staff…the guests? Where is everyone?”

Peyton placed the menu down and walked around her desk, sitting in the large leather chair. “The hotel’s under a blackout period. No guests or staff for two weeks until I figure out how I want to run and own it.”

“It’s funny,” Callum said before he reached the desk and leant forward until his face was close to hers. “This is the most we’ve spoken since I got back. You haven’t told me to f*ck myself or get the f*ck off your property.” He gave her a smirk but his eyes were laced with regret, almost like he was sad to see her.

Her eyes squinted. “Go f*ck yourself, Callum, and get off my property,” she slowly drawled out.

“Like the time you told me that you didn’t want me to kiss you—nothing but a lie. I know you, Peyton. When you drag out your sentences like that, it’s a challenge. But that’s not what I want with you.” Callum pulled back and stood straight, his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

Before Peyton could even speak, he stopped her when he let out a deep sigh. Then he pulled his hand out of his pocket, combing his fingers through his hair.

“How long have you and Jay been together?”

She flinched in her seat. They had all grown up together. Jay and his friends were a few years older, but when Jay had graduated high school, he’d stayed behind. And when Callum had left, she and Jay had gotten closer, just like how she and Graham had.

“I’m not with Jay,” she bit back more defensively than she would have liked.

“Seems like he’s in love with you, Peyton.”

“Don’t you fall in love with him, Peyton. Don’t you do that to me.”

Jay’s words had been hard to ignore. The walk from the pub to the hotel had had her constantly replaying it. He had never said anything so deep before. He’d sounded desperate, and it left an ache in her chest. She loved Jay, but only in the most platonic of ways.

“He isn’t. Your friend’s wedding isn’t for another month,” Peyton said, reaching for the papers on her desk. She opened the right drawer of the desk and placed them inside. When she closed the drawer, she noticed Callum staring at her, as if he were trying to figure out the cogs of her mind.

“I’m here for you, Peyton. I came back for you.”

The way his voice softened had her heart beating faster. Words that would have been perfect…four years ago. So instead of letting him see the effect those two sentences had, she let out a short laugh. His jaw clenched as well as his fist.

“You loved me once, Peyton… You fell in love with me. Why don’t you believe me when I say I’m back here for you?”

The hurt in his grey eyes made it hard for her to breathe.

He never told me he loved me. He never said it back.

“So what, Callum? I’m just meant to fall in love with you? Is that it?”

Callum’s eyes glistened and he shook his head. “I wouldn’t let you, Peyton. It would be the last thing I’d let you do… I’m not that cruel.”

What?

The unsaid apology swept his eyes. His words made no sense to her. Callum looked to his left, not saying any more. His faraway stare was one she didn’t understand.

Just as she was about to ask him what he’d meant, Callum turned around and made his way to the door.

“Wait,” she said, getting up from the chair.

Callum stopped just steps away from the exit.

“What do you mean you wouldn’t let me?” she asked.

He didn’t face her. Peyton stared at his back, hoping he would look at her.

“I wouldn’t let you fall in love with me. That’s not why I’m here. I don’t ever want you falling in love with me, Peyton Spencer. I’ll make sure that you don’t. I’m just here for forgiveness for not being there for their funeral. I don’t want your love. I don’t need it. I just need to know that you forgive me and then I’m done. I’ll be satisfied with the choices I made.”

With that, Callum walked out the door, leaving her with tears in her eyes.