Something Wilder(40)

“I’m not sure which is worse,” he said sympathetically, “losing someone suddenly, or after a prolonged illness.”

“Losing a parent you’re close to,” she replied immediately. “However it happens. I know how close you and your mother were. Taking care of him was hard, and I’m sure he and I both regretted a lot by the end, but Duke didn’t even know me well enough to know how much you meant to me. I’ve been thinking: He could have gotten your message to me if he’d really tried. It may not have changed anything, but at least I would have known what happened to you.”

He didn’t know what to say, so he let out a muted sound of agreement, nodding. It would have meant something to him, too, to know she hadn’t just forgotten him. “I guess I’m still trying to figure out how you ended up running treasure hunts and expeditions,” Leo finally admitted.

“I was working at a bar in Hester,” she said, “but I was so broke. The owner knew some people who needed a guide, and I knew the area. I did the trip as a favor, but they had a good time, I guess, and told their friends about it. Word of mouth and all that. It was about seven years ago now. It definitely wasn’t my dream job, but it was a way to make money and get my horses back. I figured why not use Duke’s crazy reputation for something?” She shifted on her feet. “Did you know I always imagined this?”

“Imagined what?” He looked over at her, holding his breath. Her tone had shifted into something lower, more secretive.

“Seeing you again.”

Leo’s heart punched his throat. “Same.”

“Sometimes I imagined, like, going to New York with Nicole and bumping into you on the street or something.”

“I thought if it happened, I’d be on a trip somewhere with the guys,” he said, and it was so easy to recall this fantasy, the words just spilled right out of him, “and you’d show up with a husband and a few kids. I’d be dying to catch up with you but would have to escort drunk Bradley back to the hotel and I’d miss my chance. But then I always figured you were just living your best life on the ranch.”

She shook her head, laughing at the ground. With the toe of her boot, she drew a circle in the red dirt in front of her. “I got a letter a day before y’all got here. From Jonathan Cross, the guy who bought the ranch. He’s retiring and wanted to give me the first shot at buying it back.”

“Are you going to?”

Lily let out a laugh through her nose. “With what money?”

He wanted to tell her, I have some saved, it isn’t enough—it isn’t nearly enough—but it’s a start, and then realized that the idea was insane. It had been barely four days. He couldn’t offer to buy her a ranch.

“Anyway,” she said awkwardly, “I’m not saying everything is okay. It’s a mess, frankly. But I’m glad you’re here with me for all of this. I really missed you, Leo.”

In the creaking silence that followed, Leo went still.

Lily stayed focused on the sky in front of them and he was glad for it. Direct eye contact right now would end him. After all, her steady, confident gaze was what had made him fall for her that very first day ten years ago. The heated weight of her attention had sent his hands closer, seeking bare skin more times than he could count. He knew he’d been the only person she’d ever trusted with her softest thoughts. So her admitting this feeling aloud made him jittery with adrenaline.

“I did everything I could to forget you,” she continued, and when he glanced at her, he saw that her eyes were closed. “I made myself into a different person. I drank or slept around or worked endless hours. It didn’t matter.”

Leo had to count his breaths. He was all tightness and longing; there was no space for words. Finally, he was able to tell her: “Missing you was physically debilitating.”

She turned, meeting his eyes.

Leo stared at her a beat longer and then looked down, studying his hands, rubbing a thumb over his knuckles. “I had to get to a place mentally where I didn’t want anything. I had to sort of,” he said, exhaling slowly, “turn everything off. But I’m here now. With you. I don’t mean— I mean, you matter to me. Even if we don’t know each other anymore. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

She turned toward the ledge again. “My whole life I’ve assumed Duke was full of shit,” she said. “And now, it feels like my only chance to get my ranch back relies on the assumption that he was not, in fact, full of shit.”

“Is that what you want?” he asked her. “The ranch?”

She inhaled slowly, tapping an absent rhythm out on her coffee cup. “I want that, yeah. I want my ranch, and a family, and to not worry that I might not have money to feed my horses and pay Nicole. I want what I want, for a change. What about you?” she asked him. “What do you want?”

When he smiled, he was sure she had no idea what was supposed to be funny—but his answer was almost the direct opposite of hers. “I want my life turned upside down.”

She turned to look at him again. “What’s that mean?”

“I’m in if you are.”

Lily’s hazel eyes took on a golden glimmer in the rising sun. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” I might follow you anywhere, he thought.