Slow Dance in Purgatory(51)

“Then later that night, the police searched the school. They spent hours digging through this place, searching high and low. I followed them around – even speaking to them, trying to tell them what had happened. It was like I wasn’t there at all. Then I got frustrated, and I tripped one officer, and he fell. I pushed one guy into another, and it started a fight between them. None of it made any sense.

“When they all left, I went into the boys’ locker room. I was cold and scared, and I didn’t know what the hell was happening. I turned on the showers and stood beneath them in all my clothes. The heat felt good, but the water didn’t make me wet. My clothes were as dry as they’d been before. I felt like I was in the middle of a nightmare, and I couldn’t wake up. I ran out of the showers and toward the mirrors and realized I couldn’t see myself in them.”

Maggie shuddered, understanding full well what that must have been like. She reached for him, but Johnny paused only briefly before beginning again, unloading the memory like he was reliving it once more. It occurred to her that he had never been able to unburden himself to anyone.

“I broke them. I couldn’t stand it.” Johnny’s eyes met hers again. “I broke every mirror in that bathroom. I slammed my fists into them over and over. The glass was everywhere. I felt the pain in my fists, but there were no cuts and no blood. My hands were completely uninjured.” Johnny looked down at his hands, his palms up; he seemed lost in the past.

“Before long, they fixed the mirrors. I’ve learned to avoid them. And, to tell you the truth, I’ve gotten used to it -- so used to it that I forgot. ” His voice dropped to just above a whisper. “I didn’t know it would be the same for you, Maggie. After all, you CAN see me.” Johnny smiled a little at that, but his eyes looked bleak, and Maggie longed to rewind the night back to “Rockin’ Robin,” when he had laughed and danced and seemed as care-free and innocent as the song.

Johnny rose to his feet and leaned down to her, extending his hands. She let him pull her to her feet, but gripped his hands tightly when he would have turned away.

“Don’t go!” Maggie couldn’t help but plead. “Just one more dance, please?”

“The dance is over.” Johnny’s voice was gentle, but he was already pulling away. “The school is empty, Maggie. Isn’t there someone waiting for you, worrying about where you are?”

She hated that it seemed so easy for him to leave her when she felt like her heart might break if she had to walk away. Not yet, please, not yet.

“We have time for one more – don’t we?” It was certainly not yet midnight. If Aunt Irene were waiting, she wouldn’t be worried yet.

Something warred in Johnny’s eyes, a battle of desperation and of need, and he bowed his head, holding it briefly in his hands, and she knew he was going to refuse her.

Moving close, Maggie pulled his hands away from his downcast face and stepped within a breath of him, lifting her cheek to his when he wouldn’t lift his head. Where she got the courage, she didn’t know. It was a courage born of her own desperation, and she spoke just one word.

“Please.” It was only a whisper of sound, but his arms slid around her, and from overhead a melody wafted down to wrap them in song.

They moved slowly, cheek pressed against cheek, arms embracing one another.



“Stay with me my darling

I’m lost without your touch

Without you time goes slowly

And time can hurt so much

Will you please stay?….”



The song ended much too quickly, and as the last note faded Johnny whispered the words Maggie couldn’t bear to hear.

“You have to go, Maggie.”

“I don’t want to…”

Johnny’s sigh echoed in her heart as he pressed his forehead against hers. “You have to, Maggie. This won’t get any easier. If you don’t go now, I won’t be able to let you go at all.”

Maggie thrilled at his words and pressed a kiss into his palm.

“Then I’ll stay.”

Johnny threw himself from her with a guttural groan.

“Don’t you think I want you to stay, Maggie? You’re all I think about. You’re everything I want! Don’t you think I’d keep you here with me if I could?” His voice had grown more strident. It was loud and cutting, reverberating down the empty corridor. Maggie winced and stepped back as if he had struck her. He pressed on ruthlessly.

“I’d give anything to keep pretending – because that’s what we’re doing. We’re playing make believe.” Johnny’s hands fisted in his hair, and he spun, talking as much to himself as to her.

“I was going to stay away from you – I tried so hard. But I saw you. You were so beautiful tonight and so alone, and I couldn’t resist. I had to get closer, and then…. I could see your sadness, and I couldn’t stand it. I told myself I could comfort you, that it would be just for a moment...“

“Why would you even try to stay away?!” Maggie interrupted, as impassioned as he. “What did I do?”

“It’s not what YOU did! It’s what I’m doing to you!” Johnny gaped at her, incredulous.

“Maggie – if this were 1958, and none of this had ever happened, and I was just a guy and you were my girl…..I would hold on to you and never let you go,” Johnny implored huskily, “But it isn’t 1958…and I am not just a guy, in love with his girl.”