Slow Agony (Assassins, #2)(81)

“If you’ve seen his violent side, and it’s frightened you, then there’s no reason to be ashamed of that.”

His violent side? That was a little creepy. It was like she was reading my mind. I hesitated. I turned to face her. “If he has a violent side, it’s your fault. You’re the one who turned him into a killer.”

“Now, Leigh, that’s simply not true,” said French. “There were early candidates for Op Wraith who didn’t make the cut. We gave them the serum, we tried to train them, but they simply weren’t ruthless enough. By the time Griffin was recruited, we knew what we were looking for. We picked Griffin because it was obvious he had potential.”

I folded my arms over my chest. “You’re lying.”

“Did you watch him kill Marcel?”

I turned back to the door. “I’m leaving.” I put my hand on the knob.

“Really?” she said. “You helped him. How interesting.”

How could she tell that? I turned back around.

“Oh, Leigh,” she said, her face concerned. “How confused you must be.”

I swallowed. “I’m not going to listen to you.”

“You liked it,” she said, as if she could read it on my face or something. “Didn’t you?”

“No,” I said. How could she know?

She gestured to the couch. “Sit down.”

I shook my head. “I’m getting out of here.”

“You must have considered the fact that you’d never have ended up in that position if you hadn’t met Griffin, haven’t you?”

Of course I hadn’t. But she was right, wasn’t she? Griffin had gotten me into this. But I needed him. He protected me. “If I hadn’t met Griffin, then Op Wraith would have killed me.”

“I thought we’d already set that nasty misunderstanding to bed,” she said. “Your father had intervened on your behalf. All we wanted was to bring you in.”

“And turn me into an assassin,” I said.

“And help you to be useful,” she countered. “If you weren’t cut out to be an assassin, we would have given you a job more suited to your talents.” She gestured to the couch again. “Would it really hurt anything to sit down?”

What she was saying wasn’t true. My father had admitted to me that the only reason they were going to keep me alive was because they wanted me to kill for them. She was making that up. I was sure of it.

I looked at the door.

But it was that if I’d never met Griffin, I’d never have carved my name into a man’s chest.

I looked at the couch.

I sat down.

“I’m certain that facing Griffin’s true nature has deeply unsettled you,” she said.

“It’s not his true nature,” I said. “He isn’t like that.” He wasn’t. Griffin was good and sweet and caring. So, maybe sometimes he got violent. But that was only sometimes.

“Isn’t he?” she said. “You can’t tell me you’ve never seen signs of it before. You two have been together off and on for over a year, haven’t you?”

Did she know everything about me?

“He has a tendency to be jealous, doesn’t he?”

I swallowed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m talking about the fact that you’re entangled with a man who’s somehow gotten you to a place where you could help him kill someone. And I don’t simply mean simply killing that person, of course. I can only imagine what Griffin did to Marcel, but I have a fairly good idea of what would have been involved, knowing what I know of Griffin. Did he remove certain body parts?”

I flinched, thinking about the way Marcel screamed. “He deserved it.”

“No doubt,” said French. “Marcel was a bit unhinged, wasn’t he?”

“And it’s your fault he came after us.” I had to remember that. French was the enemy. I couldn’t trust her.

“Not you, Leigh. It was never about you. It was always about Griffin. And I think if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realize that being with Griffin has ruined your life.”

“No,” I said. “That’s not true.” I thought of scrubbing blood off my body. Wolfman’s blood. Marcel’s blood. There had been so much of it.

“Griffin is a very dangerous man,” she said. “And I had to send Marcel after him, because I had to fight fire with fire. I’m sure you understand.”

“You’re lying,” I said. “You have a personal vendetta against Griffin. You’d do anything to hurt him.”

“I want to help Griffin,” she said. “I’m a psychologist, Leigh. It’s what I do.”

No. She didn’t want to help him. I had to stop listening to her. “You admitted you wanted revenge,” I said. “I heard you talk to him on the computer.”

“I let him think that,” she said. “I was hoping to draw him out. I’ve been working with him for many years. As long as I’m there, I can keep him on a leash. But without me, Leigh, he becomes more and more unstable. Haven’t you noticed it yourself? Haven’t you seen that he has become more violent and more erratic?”