Sinner's Creed (Sinner's Creed #1)(74)

“It’s no secret that Saylor is sick.” Dying. “I plan to spend every day she has left by her side. So, I’m asking you, brothers, to do me a favor. I would never ask the club to suffer for my mistake, but I will ask that you help me where she is concerned. I want to keep her safe, and with the heat that I have, I don’t know if I can do it alone. I need your word.”

I know what their answer will be. There is not a man standing before me that will deny my request. But club comes first, and that’s something I have to respect. I’m not asking for an army, I just need a few soldiers.

Chaps, who was standing near the back of the crowd of men, is now making his way forward. When he is in front of me, I feel my uneasiness grow. I can read just about anyone, but today, this man is unreadable and I don’t know what he is fixing to say. I’m beginning to prepare my counter speech to his “club comes first” reminder, when he speaks.

“It’s a sad day when we are forced to sacrifice one of our own because of business. But we all know that with this patch, there is a chance that we are gonna have to prove that club comes first. That being said, I don’t see any reason why we can’t do something to hold them off until this is over.” By over, I know Chaps is referring to Saylor’s life. I don’t like how he said it, but the shadow of sorrow in his eyes says that her death will be a great loss. And that it’s something he doesn’t wish on her. Or on me.

“I’m sure we can come up with something,” Jimbo, the new national president, says. “Shady.” Shady, who has been standing beside me, closes the distance between him and Jimbo. By the way his fingers are already twitching, I know he is ready to work at Jimbo’s command. “Find a way to buy us some time.”

—

I stand around, listening to everyone bullshit, and feel more like myself now that the intense conversation is over. I catch Chaps before he walks away and do something I never thought I’d do. I stick my hand out to his, and when he grabs it, I pull him in for a hug.

I owe this man more than my respect and should have given it to him long ago. Where Black is responsible for making me the monster, Chaps is responsible for teaching me how to survive like one. Even though this is enough, I give him more. Maybe it’s because of our loss of Roach. Maybe it’s because Saylor has taught me how short life is, or maybe it’s because I now know that words aren’t always a bad thing. Whatever the reason doesn’t matter. There is something I need to say and something he needs to hear.

“Thank you, Chaps. For everything.” My words are repetitive. I’ve said the same to Shady and to Roach. But each man deserves to hear them and each time I say them, they have a different meaning.

“You’ve earned it, Dirk. Every bit of it.” I watch Chaps walk away to join the cloud of smoke coming from the end of the porch. Then I look out at my yard full of brothers that are owed so much more than what I’ve given them. I’ve spent my whole life living inside the walls I’ve built around myself. Who knew someone as fragile as Saylor would be the one capable of knocking them down.

—

I walk inside and find Saylor in the kitchen, trying to clean up the mess the club has created. When she turns so I can see her face, I know she’s overdone herself. Her cheeks are red, her eyes heavy, and her movements slow.

“Hey, baby,” I say to her, placing my hands on the side of her face. She looks exhausted.

“I just need to lay down a little while. I’ll be fine.” I walk with her to our room and watch as she climbs under the covers. Leaning down to kiss her head, I tell her I love her. But she is already asleep.

—

“Everything’s taken care of, brother. You don’t have anything to worry about for a while,” Jimbo informs me once I’m back outside. I look at him, and he knows I want answers. But, he don’t want to give me any. “It’s not for you to worry about. It’s handled and that’s all you need to know.”

I didn’t like being on a need-to-know basis, but if Jimbo thought it was best, then I guess it was. He was the man now and I had to respect that. It would take some getting used to, but eventually I would.

“Thank you, Jimbo.” He waves off my words and we drink in silence. Rookie comes to the porch to grab a handful of beers out of the ice chest, and when he leaves I know our silence won’t last long.

“Looks like we are gonna be getting a new brother down in Houston sooner than we thought. Rookie must have made a hell of an impression,” Jimbo says, opening the door for conversation. I just sit there, hoping he won’t ask too many questions. Roach and I had the type of relationship where questions weren’t necessary. If I said something, he believed it, respected it, and upheld it. No questions asked. Jimbo wasn’t quite that easy. “Is there something special about him that maybe I should know?”

“Do you doubt my judgment?” I ask, wanting to know the truth and hoping he tells me.

“Not at all.” I look at him and he is telling the truth, but his curiosity is what gets the better of him.

“Then there is nothing you need to know.” I walk away from him but not before he smirks and shakes his head. Rookie would have his patch, and he would have his innocence. Carrie would have a good man and the club would have a good brother. And my word in the club was still influential. I missed Roach, but Jimbo would do just fine in his place.