Shine Not Burn(55)

“We need to talk,” I said, sounding like someone was strangling me.

He was so close I could see the fine wrinkles in the skin around his eyes telling me he smiled a lot when I wasn’t around.

“We will,” he responded softly. Staring over the top rail at me, he put the bandana in his pocket while resting his other hand on the fence just inches from mine. My gaze dropped to the strong, sun-bronzed hand and thick fingers that were huge in comparison to mine. I became obsessed with the thought that I could shift my hand to the right just a little and touch him … if I was bold and stupid and willing to risk throwing my lifeplan in the garbage.

I closed my eyes and counted slowly to three, getting a grip on myself. My hand stayed where it was. I’ve been working on my lifeplan for way too long to throw it away so easily.

“When can we talk, do you think?” I pressed. “I really have to get going back home soon.” I was trying to choose between crying and smiling after the words came out. He was so close and yet so far. I shouldn’t even want him to be close, but I did and that was nothing but a recipe for disaster. Up until now I’d been thinking that the only thing standing in the way of me marrying Bradley was a piece of paper and a signature. Now I was starting to think it could be much more than that.

“We’ll talk tomorrow. I have to get back to work.” He turned to go, his hand sliding away from the rail.

I grabbed it and held on. “What about later tonight?” I was afraid if I waited too long, I’d do something entirely stupid and ruin everything I’d been working towards. Something about this place was messing with my head and making me forget what was important, including the future I’d planned for myself.

His fingers curled around mine and gripped my hand gently for a few seconds before they slid away. “I’ll be working until after midnight, and then I’ll be too tired after. Just catch me after my chores tomorrow morning.”

“What time?” I asked, hating that I sounded so desperate and needy and anxious about getting everything over with. Instead of feeling like the smart thing to do, hurrying him towards divorce felt cold and heartless. I definitely had a fever. I was sick. Heartsick.

“Nine o’clock.” He walked back to the other men.

I might have argued more, but I suddenly had a really great view of his backside and it rendered me momentarily speechless. I was like a dog getting distracted by a small animal running by. Squirrel! Fine ass! I made a mental note to find out where the gym was in this town. If I was going to be staying for a few days, I’d need to work out. He obviously did.

Stay a few days? Where’d that come from?

My mind was spinning in so many different directions I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or eat a fried calf testicle.

“You ready?” asked Maeve, coming up behind me.

I jumped in surprise, yanked out of my weird thoughts by her unexpected arrival. “Yep.” Glad for the distraction, I followed her into the house. Part of me was relieved to be getting away from Mack. Seeing him made me lose focus, forget what I was supposed to be doing, forget Bradley, even. But another part of me was kind of wishing Maeve hadn’t come so soon. Watching Mack work was doing something to me. I don’t know what it was exactly, but it was pleasant. Just touching his fingers brought back the ghosts of warm, dangerously sensual memories. So many of my memories were unpleasant, the kind I wanted to never bring back. It made the good ones extra special as a consequence.

“I’ve got you just down the hall from Mack. Normally he stays in town, but lately he’s been back in his old room. It saves him a bunch of sleep hours not having to travel.”

“Does he live alone?” My hands clenched into fists as I waited for her answer. I didn’t know what I wanted it to be. Either one would complicate things.

“No. He has a roommate. I suspect that’s another reason why he’s been here so much lately.”

I got dizzy again and instantly melancholy over something that made zero sense. Why did I think he’d still be single two years after being with me? He’s gorgeous, smart, comes from a good family and has a ranch business. He’s more than a great catch; he’s … my husband. Anger and jealousy and sadness all washed over me at once, threatening to push me to tears. That girl in the picture. It’s her. That’s who he lives with.

Maeve climbed the step into the house and then the stairs from the foyer, giving me time to collect myself. By the time she started talking again, I was back to my new normal - confused and angry at myself.

“We normally just grab a bite to eat and a coffee before we do some work around the place, then we sit down and have a real breakfast around eight thirty or so.”

“Mack and I were going to have a chat around nine. I guess we’ll do that after breakfast.”

“Oh, that’s nice.” She walked down a hallway and stopped at an open door. “Here you are. Bathroom’s just there down the hall, and if you need anything, you can either tap on Mack’s door there or find my room downstairs off the dining room.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine.” My face went red as I pictured myself tapping on Mack’s door. Like that’ll ever happen. I stepped into the room, noticing my satchel sitting on the end of the bed and the troll doll on the sidetable. Good. I can call Bradley and get my head on straight. Taking in all the baseball memorabilia on the walls, I quickly realized where I was. “This is Ian’s room,” I said.