Shine Not Burn(32)

“Okay, so where were we?” I asked.

“I was telling you I’m busy and you were excusing me from this meeting.”

“No, that’s not where we were.” I left the space behind my desk and came around to join her, taking the chair on her left. She turned away from me, facing the wall of bookshelves that ran next to my desk.

“Ruby, if you’re worried that being honest with me will cause you to lose your job, I want you to know that it won’t happen. I’d never let you go for being honest. Besides … the senior partners love you. You have total job protection here.”

She swiveled her head slowly in my direction. “Can I get that in writing?”

“Shit, Ruby, you know the law as well as I do. Your job is safe. Come on, talk to me.”

She sighed. “I don’t want to upset you.” Her tone wasn’t quite as harsh. It was the kindest thing she’d said to me in six months, and it gave me hope.

“Please, if it will help get us to the bottom of this mess, I don’t care. Upset me.”

She stared at me long and hard before exhaling in a really long, really sad-sounding sigh.

Just that alone made me want to cry. I almost didn’t want to hear what she had to say now, knowing she was preparing herself to deliver some very bad news.

“Okay, I’m just going to come right out and say it, because this is something you need to hear. And since you don’t talk to your friends anymore, it’s on my shoulders to do it.” She pressed her lips together and sat straighter. Then she looked at the ceiling before muttering, “Lord Jesus, please forgive me for being so bold and honest, but you know I’m doing it for the right reasons and my heart is true.”

My own heart skipped a few beats. I threw up a prayer of my own. Dear Tiny Baby Jesus, please give me the strength to not bite Ruby’s head off, because I have a feeling I’m going to want to before she’s done.

Ruby’s expression was part compassion and part anger. “You’ve changed and not for the better,” she blurted out. Her eyes went wide and she blinked a few times. A half smile moved across her lips. “Well, that just came out all bold didn’t it?” She laughed nervously. “What I mean to say is, ever since you got back from Kelly’s wedding, you’ve changed. Your whole life has changed. You stopped talking to your friends, you stopped talking to me, you took up with that Bradley…”

“There you go again … saying his name in that tone again. You know that sets my teeth on edge, Ruby.” Tiny Baby Jesus had abandoned me in my hour of need. Ruby’s head was already in danger of being removed and she’d only just begun.

She leaned in and looked me dead in the eye. “He used to set your teeth on edge. Remember that? We both hated that man.” She poked me in the arm. “Now it’s just everyone else hating him and you … sleeping with him.” Her lip curled up in disgust. “And now you’re talking about marrying him? Have you done lost your mind, baby girl? How could you do that to yourself? He’s not even close to good enough for you. He’s not even good enough to wash your car.”

I felt ashamed, angry, and sick. “I love him, Ruby.” I almost choked on the words. They didn’t want to come out.

She scowled. “Oh, fiddle sticks. You don’t love that man. You love the idea of being married to a man. Any old man will do.”

My face flushed an angry red as I sat back in a slump. “I can’t believe you’re saying these things to me. What gives you the right?”

She reached out and grabbed my wrist, pulling my hand into her lap and making me lean forward awkwardly. Her speech was passionate. “I’ll tell you what gives me the right … I care about you, Andrea Lynn. You are a good girl. You are a great lawyer and a strong woman. But that Bradley? … I’m sorry, but he just sucks the life out of you, girl. He’s got you on a leash like a tamed lap dog, and I’m not just going to sit back and let you tie yourself to him for life without knowing what you’re getting into. It’s my duty as your friend to tell you the things you need to hear. And if you want to go find yourself a new assistant, I’ll understand. But good luck finding one here. You have a reputation now, you know.” She nodded slowly, ever the wise one of the office.

I tried to pull my hand back but she held on with a grip of iron.

My tone was fury contained. “I know what I’m getting into, Ruby. I’m a grown woman.” The words tasted sour, like unripe fruit on my tongue.

“Maybe on the outside you’re full-grown, but on the inside, you’re still a young girl looking for love and taking terrible substitutes instead. Why can’t you see what I see and what Candice and Kelly see? You’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re strong … why do you have to act so deaf, dumb and blind when it comes to men?”

I laughed bitterly. “Wow. A veritable trifecta of awfulness. A hat trick of sucking. Thank you for that.”

“No.” She shook her finger in my face. “No, ma’am, you are not going to play that game with me.”

“What game?” The guilt was almost overwhelming; she’d busted me attempting to use my litigation skills on her - a friend, a woman I respected. I was desperate not to hear her truths.

“You know what I’m talking about. That game you play. Where you go all cold and calculating and do the things that Bradley taught you. He is a bad influence, Andie. A very bad influence. He’s changed you into a cold person who doesn’t care about other people’s feelings. You don’t even know what’s important anymore.” Her expression and tone went a little desperate. “Can’t you feel it? I know you can’t see it, but can’t you at least feel it?”