She Dims the Stars(49)

They didn’t meet Audrey and come to know her the way that I did. They didn’t spend days and nights in cars and beaches, hotel rooms and houses with her. They didn’t watch her spiral down to the rock bottom and get left behind after all was said and done. They probably went to Florida, got drunk, laid, and tan.

Last weekend, I traveled home to see my mom, and the first thing she asked about was Audrey. I told her everything, and she listened with wide eyes, and a hand over her heart. She held me afterward, as if she was afraid I was going to break or something. As if I had already experienced too much loss in my life, and what happened a couple months prior would only exacerbate that. From my perspective, it made me stronger. I looked death in the face. It only served to make me see things more clearly.

I told her the truth. “I lied to you about the game I’m making. The one I got the internship for is a war game based on those letters Dad wrote to you when he was deployed.” My explanation was as detailed as I could make it without getting too far in and over her head. When I mentioned that the main character was based off of him, she brushed her curls away from her face and took a deep breath, extending her palm.

“Let me see.”

I didn’t hesitate. There’s a part of me that knew she would ask, so I was prepared to show her. When I pulled the picture up, she exhaled and her eyes narrowed, straining as she stared hard at my laptop screen.

“Incredible,” she said, shaking her head, amazed. “It looks just like him. He would have loved this.”

“Yeah?” I closed the computer and set it down on the table, then wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans.

She punched me in the arm. “That’s for lying to me.” Then she leaned in and kissed my cheek. “That’s for being an amazing kid.” When she placed both hands on my cheeks and stared hard into my eyes I almost flinched. “Does this mean you’re not making that game for Audrey? I’m telling you, it will make you a fortune, son.”

I didn’t give her a straight answer to that question. The subject of my newest project hasn’t given her consent or seen the final result, so I am saving a public reveal until she gives the proper okay to do so.

Now I have to wait until she’s ready to see it.



I’m thinking of her as Cline and I grab a booth at McNaught’s on the Square. It’s packed tight with bodies. Three weeks into the first semester, our fellow students are clamoring for any chance to get wasted already. I can’t hear him while he’s screaming at me from across the table, and he’s terrible at forming words, so lip reading is nearly impossible. There’s live music, and we’re right next to the speakers as well as the bar, so I’m nearing deafness within five minutes of being in the building. It’s uncomfortably hot, too, causing every piece of clothing I’m wearing to stick to my body. What was once a light blue shirt now has a dark blue ring around the collar, and I bet good money there’s a nice line down my back, also.

Cline’s wearing black, but it doesn’t hide his problem either. I’m about to tell him we should leave when the girls show up and slide into the booth with us. They’re smart, wearing sundresses, their hair up in a ponytail and bun respectively. September sits next to Cline and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek while Tee smiles next to me and reaches for a menu. Her eyes are bright blue, and her hair is a dirty blonde, the complete opposite of the girl sitting across from her.

I can’t hear for shit, and Tee is saying something, pointing at the menu. I shrug and point at my ears, the universal sign of ‘It’s too loud in here’ and she pushes up so that she can talk loudly enough for me to hear.

“I have to make a call. Will you order me one of these?” She points to the menu, and I note the type of beer she’s chosen. I give her a thumbs’ up and she smiles, making her eyes almost disappear and her freckles fold into the wrinkles around her nose as she pushes out of the seat and into the crowd again. Across from me, September and Cline are deep in conversation. Who am I kidding? They’re trying to lick each other’s faces off. I’ve become so used to it by now it’s starting to disturb me.

There’s a flash of teal just beyond their conjoined heads, and I crane my neck to follow it through the mass of bodies that have accumulated in the small space around us, but it’s gone as soon as it appears. A strange knot forms in my gut, and I move away from the table, scanning above all the heads I can while I push my way to the exit. It’s out on the sidewalk that I see her plain as day.

“Audrey!” I yell, and watch as she slows a bit before resuming her pace like she didn’t hear me. I call her name again and break into a run to catch up with her.

Her cheeks are bright red when I make it to her side and she sighs, slowing down to turn and look at me with exasperation. “Damnit, Elliot. You know I don’t run. It’s one of my biggest weaknesses.”

“Why didn’t you stop? I was calling for you.” I reach out to move her hair from her face and she takes a step back, brushing her cheek against her shoulder quickly.

“I saw you, but you looked busy, so I thought maybe I’d text you later.”

“How long have you been back?” The awkwardness between us is unwarranted. It shouldn’t be like this.

“Since just before school started. My dad sold the house. It was a deal with Miranda for the divorce. Whatever. Anyway, he moved closer to campus, and I got new place, so things have been super busy. Sorry I haven’t called, but it looks like you've been busy, too?” Her head tilts in the direction of the bar, and just beyond the doors I can see Tee making her phone call, leaning against the wall outside, smoking a cigarette. It all clicks into place in that moment when I turn my attention back to Audrey and she focuses her eyes back on mine. Tucking her hair behind her ear she gives a smile. “She looks nice.”