Sex, Not Love(87)

“You don’t want my mouth on you?”

“Oh baby, I want your mouth on me. I want to fuck that mouth as well as your sexy ass and your big, beautiful tits. I have plans to put my cock anywhere and everywhere you’ll let me.” I rubbed her lips with my thumb. “But I won’t last with this beautiful mouth on me, and I need to be inside of you first.”

I was positioned on top of her, my cock hard as a rock and practically dripping from her mouth, so when she spread her legs wide beneath me, it was easy to slip inside. I closed my eyes and relished the feeling of connecting with her again. Nothing had ever felt so good in all of my life. Her wet heat and tight pussy sucked me in and made me lose my mind.

And it wasn’t just the physical connection that felt so good. Natalia opened her eyes, and even in the darkness, our gazes connected. I’d fucked plenty in my life, but I could honestly say this was my first time making love.

I began to move in and out slowly, as I watched her face. She was so beautiful, so open, so raw and real for me. Emotion overcame me, and I opened my mouth to seal the deal. Wiping a strand of hair from her face, I brushed my lips to hers. “Natalia, I lo…”

Shit!

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuuuckkk.

I quickly pulled out and jumped from the bed.

Natalia was rightly confused. “What? What’s the matter?”

I paced back and forth, ripping out the hair on my head. “I didn’t have a condom on.”

“So? I’m on the pill. I trust you.”

“That doesn’t matter,” I snapped. “It was totally irresponsible. What if…fuck. I can’t believe I did that.”

“Hunter, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. It’s not okay. It shouldn’t have happened.”

I went to the bathroom to privately berate myself. How could I have been so irresponsible? What if I’d gotten Natalia pregnant? What if she’d had my kid, and we were both positive, and I left her to raise it with the disease on her own, and she had to bury two people she loved?”

Stupid.

So fucking careless.

I took a shower to try to relax, but it didn’t help. I needed to apologize to Natalia for the way I’d acted and make sure she knew it could never happen again. But when I came out from the bathroom, she was gone.

***

I hit redial for the tenth time, but she didn’t answer.

Such an asshole.

I’m such an asshole.

I finally get my girl back, and what do I do? Fuck it up while inside of her. Who the hell does that? I overreacted. There was no two ways about it. And I was rude and barked at her when I should’ve been apologizing.

My elbows were on my knees, hands holding my head as I sat on the edge of the bed. She’d been gone more than an hour when the lock clicked open.

I stood immediately, blew out a relieved breath, and headed toward her. “I’m sorry, babe.”

Natalia put her hand up, stopping me. “No. Sit. We need to talk.”

I did what she asked and waited. Minutes of awkward silence followed as Nat fiddled with the ring she always wore on her pointer finger.

When I couldn’t take it anymore, I tried again. “Nat, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“I don’t want to know.”

“I was only going to apologize and tell you again why I did it.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I know you’re sorry, and I understand why you got upset.”

“Okay…”

“What I meant was…I don’t want to know if you’re positive for Huntington’s disease.” She sat down next to me.

I was stunned. “Natalia…I…”

“Let me explain.”

Since I honestly had no goddamned clue how to respond—nor was I sure how I’d feel about not knowing after making the monumental decision to find out—I was glad she wanted to be the one to talk first.

“I thought about it a lot today. For the last ten years, you chose to not get tested. You only made this decision because of me. And you plan to walk away if you find out because you think that will spare me. Well…I’m not willing to risk that. I’d planned on telling you that tonight. But then when you got freaked out because you forgot to put a condom on, it made me realize that if we never found out, we’d never be able to have kids.” She paused. “Now…I realize I’m jumping the gun here. Who knows, our relationship might not work out for a million normal reasons, so it could all be a moot point. But I needed to give some thought to how I would feel about not having kids because your genetic status would be unknown. And I decided I don’t care about giving birth. I have Izzy, and she’s no less of a daughter to me than if I’d delivered her myself—and we’ve only known each other for five years. If we decided we wanted a child of our own someday—a long time down the road—I’d be fine with adopting.”

Hearing her say how much she’d be willing to sacrifice for me made my heart ache and swell at the same time. “Natalia, I don’t know what to say. The fact that you would be willing to offer such a huge thing, sacrifice something so important is…” I shook my head. “It means the world to me.”

She looked me straight in the eyes. “I want you, Hunter. The rest we can figure out. I don’t ever want you to be inside of me and feel like it’s wrong again. If things between us go the way it feels like they will…one of us can get fixed so we don’t have to ever worry about condoms or getting pregnant.”