Secrets Vol. 2(21)

I gasp as he does it and arch my back to thrust my breast toward his mouth. I want him to kiss me, to taste me. There's nothing in this moment besides me and him. The lostness, the longing I've felt for so long, fades away as I feel my body growing hotter in Cole's arms. I want to feel his body moving with mine. I want to know every inch of him. I want to slide my tongue over his beautiful body and make him scream my name. Cole's kisses explode with passion. He moves like this isn't real, like I'll suddenly tell him to get off of me. His warm kisses trail my neck as his breathing increases. Another hard breath rushes from my lungs. Every muscle in my body is tense, crying out for release.

Cole shifts his weight so that one of his legs is between mine, and the other is off to the side. The muscles in his arms are corded tight as he holds himself up to keep from crushing me. I take his hand in mine and lower it slowly. His fingers are beneath mine. As I move his hand, I feel his palm slide over my stomach and down to my thigh. Cole lifts his lips from my neck. He breathes hard, watching me, feeling my skin. His palm is hot as his hand moves lower and lower.

Our eyes lock. This is more than kisses, more than lust. I feel it. I know he feels it. As his hand slides over the crystals on my lower lips, I look into his eyes. He doesn't breathe. My mouth is parted, waiting for him to reach his fingers between my legs and stroke me. My knees part and as I move his hand there, but he stops. The sound of my pulse roars in my ears. Cole breathes slowly, stilling his hand. It rests just a little too high. His thumb rubs one of the stones on my skin, hesitating.

Breathless, Cole pulls his hand away and sits up. "I'm sorry, Anna."

I don't know what happened. Sitting up, I try to take his arm, but he's already pushing off the floor. I can see him in the dim blue glow of the light he was using. I roll onto my side and grab his wrist before he can walk away. Just as I grab him, the blue light flickers once and dies. There is nothing but touch and shadows.

We are disembodied voices in the dark. I can't see him. I can only sense where he is. I swear that I can hear his heart pounding in his chest. My hands search for his face. I find his cheeks and slide my hands across his strong jaw, feeling the stubble beneath my fingers. "Cole, stop. I want this as much as you do..." He's quiet. The tension grows between us. I lean forward until I can feel his breath on my lips. "Cole?"

"Anna, I - "

I breathe, "Do you want me?"

He says nothing, but he doesn't pull away. Every inch of my skin is prickling. I can't release him. Not until he says it'll never happen. The longer the silence stretches, the more my heart sinks. I finally add, "If you don't, I'll never mention this again, but if you do... if you really think you're falling in love with me - "

He pulls away and rips my heart out of my chest. I'm shaking, and I can't stop. I hear his footfalls cross the room. The light flips on. He tosses me my robe. It falls on the floor next to me. He doesn't turn back.

Facing away from me like I'm too difficult to look at, Cole says, "Get dressed. I got what I needed."

The way his voice carries across the room makes me shudder. It's like part of him is locked away and I'll never get it. As he hurries away from me, I'm shocked into silence. I don't understand what's happening, why Cole shuts downs like this. Sitting naked on the floor, I realize that the only time Cole behaves like this is when he acts on his feelings.

By the time I pull on my robe, Cole is nowhere to be found. I walk to my room and shower, washing off the rest of the adhesive that clings to my skin. I want to know why Cole ran. How could he say he's falling in love with me, and then refuse to touch me? For a moment, I feel sick, like maybe he didn't want me, that he just said those things to touch me - but that isn't like him. I've seen him shoot other women. Cole isn't that guy. He doesn't give or take affection lightly. The water pelts me in the face and I realize that I can't rationalize what happened. I can't make it go away.

By the time I get dressed, it's midafternoon. I pull my hair into a high ponytail and go to search for Regina. As mortifying as it is, I have to smooth things over with her. When I find her, she's in the storage area sorting through old backdrops. Her red hair is draped over her shoulders as she hunches over boxes, unpacking them one by one. Regina glances up at me as I enter the doorway and quickly averts her eyes.

Before I can say anything she straightens and blurts out, "I had no idea you two were intimate. I thought it was a shoot." She drops the fabric that was clutched between her fingers. The look on her face tells me that she's equally as horrified.

I lift my hand to silence her, "It was a shoot, but - " I shrug like I don't know what happened "things took an interesting turn. I would have told you, you know. If we were..." I trail off. The knot in my throat is strangling me. If we were what, Anna? There's nothing between me and Cole, save a few kisses. In the back of my mind, I hear his voice - that hushed tone confessing that he's falling in love with me. I can't ignore it.

Regina watches me for a moment. She doesn't seem to know what to say. "It's not my place to ask or know about anything like that. You don't need to tell me anything, Miss Lamore. I just hope that I didn't make you so uncomfortable that I lose my job." Regina's face flushes as she says it. The woman could have avoided me for days and never asked, but she's too blunt for that.