Seconds to Live (Scarlet Falls #3)(41)

Mac suspected he might want to leave in the middle. “Whatever he wants.”

A small knock sounded on the door. “Uncle Grant?”

“Come on in, Carson,” Grant called out. “The door’s not locked.”

Carson slipped in. He was clean, his hair damp, and he smelled like soap. His pale blue pajamas were covered in tiny red race cars. He walked up to the closet and stared up at the uniform. “Is that Grandpa’s?”

Grant lifted him into his arms. “It is. See the eagle? That means he was a colonel.”

Carson turned his head to the Colonel’s uniform. “Grandpa had a lot of ribbons.” He reached toward them, then pulled his hand away.

“It’s OK, Carson. You can touch them.” Grant moved the boy closer.

Carson traced the ribbons on the chest of the uniform then dropped his hand. “Can I see yours, too?”

“Sure you can.” Grant lowered him to the floor. “I’ll be getting it out tonight.”

“I had fun today.” Carson walked to Mac and leaned on his thigh. “Can you come over and play tomorrow?”

“Maybe.” Mac rubbed Carson’s head.

“Uncle Grant says Grandpa is going to be with Daddy and Mommy now,” Carson blurted out. “Is that right?”

Eyes blurring, Mac squatted to the boy’s level. “You bet. He’s with Grandma, too.”

Carson nodded, then rested his head on Mac’s shoulder. “I miss them.”

“We all do.” Mac’s throat constricted until it felt as if a noose was wrapped around it, choking him.

Carson lifted his head and turned his face toward Grant. “Can I have ice cream after dinner?”

Grant laughed. “Definitely. Ellie bought your favorite.”

“Cookies and cream?” Carson’s eyes brightened. “Awesome.”

He squirmed away from Mac and bolted for the door. “I forgot. Ellie said to tell you dinner was ready. Nan made macaroni and cheese.”

“Then we’d better go eat.” Grant followed Carson. “We can’t let macaroni and cheese get cold.”

And Mac knew exactly how he and Ellie managed the kids. They enjoyed every exhausting minute. Unbelievably, Mac was a little jealous.

Which was ridiculous and selfish. He was the one who kept leaving. He was the one who took off for South America every time he felt like the kids were getting attached to him. The last thing they needed was more grief.

Who was he kidding? It was his heart he was guarding.

What was he going to do? He’d committed himself to stopping drugs, to protecting kids like Carson and Faith from the poison entering the country every day. But the thought of leaving his family again left him empty, just as the idea of committing to being a permanent part of their lives terrified him.

“Are you all right?” Hannah asked from the doorway.

Mac shook off his mood. “Yes. Just thinking.”

“Need to talk about it?”

“Not yet.” Mac joined her in the hall. “I’ll let you know.”

“Don’t shut us out again, Mac. We need you.”

“I know. I’m trying.” Mac rubbed the ache in the center of his chest.

Hannah leaned her head on his shoulder. “You can let us all in. We don’t bite.”

“Faith might.”

She laughed. “Seriously, Mac. I was always chasing something. Success. Independence. Approval. I struggled when every milestone felt so . . .” Hannah paused. “Empty. What’s the point if there’s no one to share those moments?”

“My job is dangerous, and sometimes it feels like I can’t possibly make a difference. No matter what I do, the drugs keep flowing.” Frustration filled Mac. “As long as there’s a demand for drugs, some scumbag will be willing to fill it. On the other hand, how can I refuse to do what I can? I know better than anyone that drugs can ruin a life. A whole family.”

Hannah turned him to face her. “You didn’t ruin anything. We love you. You had a perfectly legitimate problem as a teenager. The stress we all lived with was soul smashing. No wonder the three of us ran as far as we could from it.”

“Only Lee was strong enough to stay, and we abandoned him.”

Hannah nodded. “The best we can do is learn from our mistakes and not repeat them, because Lee was the one who had it right. This is what counts, Mac. These kids. This family. This is for keeps. Sure, it’s a commitment, and an intimidating one, but I promise, you won’t regret it.”

His siblings had managed to sort out their problems and find peace. Why couldn’t he?





Chapter Eighteen


Stella parked her unmarked car half a block from Our Lady of Sorrows Catholic Church. Lance rode shotgun. She rolled down the window and let the evening breeze into the vehicle. The scent of freshly cut grass lingered in the humid night air. Lightning bugs blinked neon green over the lawn.

“Do we have a picture of this creeper?” Lance asked.

“No. No name either.”

“But you think this guy might be stalking women from this Narcotics Anonymous group?”

“Gianna saw a tall, thin man lingering outside the meetings. This might be the last place Missy Green was seen alive.” Stella stretched her neck and checked her watch. “Today is Thursday. The meeting is over at ten. It’ll be dark enough for a stalker to follow the women undetected.”