Second Chance Pass (Virgin River #5)(73)

She shook her head. “No,” she said. “Not from the beginning. He blustered about it, but I didn’t think I was doing anything harmful. You know we care about Paul for many reasons, but after getting to know Cameron, I just thought the world of him. And… Oh hell,” Carol said. “I didn’t know about you and Paul.”

“That’s exactly why you should make it a policy to ask if your plans are acceptable. Had you asked me in the first place if I’d like you to invite a single man to dinner, I would have asked you to wait on that. I was missing Paul, wanting to see him. Cameron’s a great guy, but I’m not interested in him romantically,” Vanni said. “In the end, both men were hurt. You have to stop doing things like that.”

“I always think I’m helping,” she said. “I always feel like I have the perfect solution. Really—I wouldn’t…” Her voice trailed off. “You and Paul…?”

“That’s right. We’re getting married. I love him. He’ll be a wonderful father to Mattie. You can’t imagine how much he adores this baby. How grateful he is that there’s a little piece left of his best friend.”

“And you’re happy?” Carol asked, her brow furrowed. “This is what you want?”

Vanni reached out a hand to touch Carol’s. “When we lost Matt, the pain was so great for both me and Paul—for everyone—I didn’t know if I could ever be happy again. I imagine there were times you felt the same way.”

“Sometimes I miss him so much,” she said, and her eyes glistened. She reached for the baby. “May I?”

“Sure. Go ahead.”

Carol picked up the baby and held him against her, her eyes wet. “You have no idea how fast the time goes, and how much goes with it.”

“When Matt had that videoconference before his death, Paul was at the house. God, Matt was so happy to see his face, to talk to him. I think he was as happy to see Paul as me. Carol, this would make Matt happy.”

Carol laughed through some tears. “Oh, I’m sure that’s true. Matt and Paul always spent more time at the Haggerty house than ours. A whole crowd of messy boys with big smelly feet never threw Marianne. She somehow knew just what food to toss at them. Our house was too sterile. I was strict about neatness.”

“Well, I guess if you have three of them, one more hardly matters,” Vanni said.

“They were just boys,” Carol said. “Who can blame them. They weren’t interested in how hard I had to work to buy a certain lamp or how much trouble it was to keep up the landscaping. Before the Haggertys built that big house, while the boys were young, they could barely keep grass in the yard.” She smiled a bit forlornly. “All the boys played soccer.”

Whew, Vanni thought. It wasn’t just that Carol thought Cameron was a better choice for her. She didn’t want to compete with Marianne and her mother-earth qualities. “I suppose Marianne always had cookies when they got home from school, too,” Vanni said, testing out her theory.

“I’m sure. A trampoline, drum set, all kinds of stuff. They let the boys set up a kind of band in the garage—electric piano, guitars, the whole bit. Noisy enough to split your skull.” She laughed a little. “Not one of them had a lick of talent, thank God. Or else they’d all be tattooed rock stars.”

With his usual fabulous timing, little Mattie barfed curdled milk right down Carol’s back and predictably she said, “Ewww.”

“Oh no!” Vanni shot to her feet, a diaper she used as a burping cloth in her hand. She reached for the baby.

“No, please don’t take him,” Carol said. “Just put that over my shoulder.”

“Carol, it’s silk!”

“Oh the hell with it. There are dry cleaners, you know.”

Vanni wiped her off as well as she could, then draped a clean diaper over Carol’s shoulder. She was pretty stunned that Carol didn’t fling the baby away from her, but she held him close, snuggled him.

Vanni chewed her lip for a second. Carol’s afraid of another generation that belonged to her by blood preferring the Haggerty family. Because she’s rigid, not warm and fuzzy, and she knows it. Then Vanni said, “Each one of those Haggerty men turned out to be successful and hardworking. Someone in that house must have insisted on study.”

“Probably Stan. He’s always been business-minded.” She cuddled and kissed the baby. She seemed to have already forgotten about the wet patch running down her back. Facing the thought of being separated from her only grandson had created a shift in Carol. Maybe not a total personality change, but definitely a small conversion.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about,” Vanni said. “It’s early, I know, but Paul and I, when Mattie’s a little older—we want more children. I really want more children. I’d like it if you welcomed them as much as little Matt. Along with us, of course. I know Mattie’s special, your biological grandson, but it would be so nice if we could count on you and Lance to open your hearts to any of his siblings.” Carol raised startled eyes to Vanni’s face. “Don’t worry—I certainly don’t expect you to turn your beautiful home into a clubhouse. I don’t intend to live that way, no matter how many boys come along. But of course, there could even be girls. I hope so—you’d be perfect for little girls…”