Second Chance Pass (Virgin River #5)(48)

Shelby herself needed some remodeling. Even though her caregiving job had been very physical, she hadn’t been getting the right kind of exercise and had gained weight. Her complexion was pale and blemished, and she hadn’t bothered with makeup in years. Her hair had grown long—she’d never had it cut—and she wound a single honey-colored braid around her head to keep it out of the way. Shelby had plans for some personal changes, but she didn’t discuss any of that with her family because she wasn’t sure where to begin. And she wasn’t sure it was even possible.

The Booths left on Friday to make the drive back to Virgin River, though leaving Shelby was hard. But she was adamant—she needed the time to grieve, to be alone, to figure out how to have a life that wasn’t consumed by a loved one’s illness.



They were about halfway home, Tom nodding off beside the baby in the backseat while Vanni sat up front, staring out the window. “It was a sad week in many ways,” Walt said. “But it’s also the end of a sad time. I’d worry more about Shelby being on her own if she hadn’t shouldered so much responsibility by herself for the past few years.”

“She has many wonderful friends,” Vanni added.

“Are you all right, Vanni?” he asked.

“Hmm, just a little melancholy, that’s all.”

“It’s hard to tell what’s bothering you most—Midge’s passing or some problem you’re having with Paul.” She turned to look at him and he said, “Anything you want to talk about?”

She shrugged. “There’s not too much to talk about, Dad.”

“You could help me understand a couple of things, you know.”

“For instance?”

“Oh, don’t be coy—you stood Paul up to go away with the doctor and if I know anything about you, you’re not that interested in the doctor. Hell, you’ve been in a strange mood since Paul left after Mattie was born. You knew Paul was coming for the weekend—and despite his best efforts to be circumspect, you knew he was coming for you.”

“I wasn’t so sure about that.”

“I heard you fight with him, Vanni. Did you and Paul have some kind of falling-out?”

“Not exactly, Dad.”

Walt took a breath. “Vanessa, I don’t mean to pry, but it’s pretty apparent to me how you feel about Paul. And how Paul feels about you. And yet…”

“Dad, while Paul was here last autumn, we got a lot closer. We were good friends before, but of course with all we went through together… Dad, before all that happened, Paul had a life in Grants Pass. One that’s not so easily left behind.”

“Vanni, Paul loves you, but something happened between you recently…”

“He let me know—there are complications in Grants Pass. Something he’s been struggling with. It’s kept him from being honest about his feelings,” she said. “He has commitments, Dad.”

“A woman?” Walt asked.

Vanni laughed softly. “We shouldn’t be so surprised that Paul actually had women in his life, should we? Yes, apparently there was a woman. Is a woman…”

“Jesus,” Walt said under his breath. “He’s not married, is he?”

“Of course not. He wouldn’t keep something like that from us.”

“Engaged?”

“He says there’s enough of an entanglement there to make his position difficult. That’s why he wasn’t around after Mattie was born.”

Walt drove in silence for a while and Vanni resumed gazing out the window. After a few moments of silence Walt asked, “What about you, Vanni? I know you care about him.”

“Dad, Matt’s only been gone a few months. Should I even have such feelings? Should I be completely embarrassed? I’ll miss him forever, but I—”

“Please don’t do that to yourself, honey,” he said. “Haven’t we learned by now? Life is too short to suffer needlessly.”

“Will people say I—”

“I don’t give a good goddamn what people say,” he growled. “Everyone is entitled to a little happiness, wherever that is. And I think for you, it’s with Paul.”

She sighed and said, “I’m asking myself why I thought I had some claim on him. He was very good to us all, I’m so grateful—but why didn’t I realize that a man like Paul wouldn’t have any trouble attracting the attention—the love—of a woman? I’ve been so angry with him for not telling me, but… Why didn’t I ask?”

“Now what, Vanni? Is he trying to make a choice, is that it?”

“We were having a discussion, not a very pleasant one, right when the call came from Shelby. It left his intentions up in the air a bit. But there’s one thing I won’t do, I can’t do—I can’t ask Paul to choose me over a woman he has an obligation to. I tried to make it very clear, his duty to me as his best friend’s widow has expired. He doesn’t have to take care of me anymore.”

“I have a feeling it’s more than duty,” Walt said. “I have a feeling it always has been…”

“He has to do the right thing,” she said. “I’m not getting in the way of that. A man like Paul—he could regret the wrong decision for the rest of his life. And frankly, I don’t want to be the one left to live with his regret.”