Second Chance(67)

I’m sorry.

Please, Nate. Where are you?

His messages went unanswered. Daffodils in one hand, phone in the other, Jack finally gave up and shoved his phone back into his pocket. He retraced the path Nate had taken earlier, following it all the way to the river this time. The track ended at the sailing club. A few people were there working on boats in the yard, but there was no sign of Nate. There were paths in both directions along the riverbank and Jack stood, trying to decide which, if either, to try. He scanned around, searching for a figure that might be Nate, and then he caught sight of St Martin’s Church standing high on the hill that dominated the flat land around it.

It was almost too far away to see, but Jack stiffened, squinting. He thought he could just make out the shape of someone sitting on one of the benches that looked out towards the river.

Instinct drove Jack back along the track to the village. He turned right along the main road that led past the pub before it began to slope upwards. Walking swiftly, Jack was panting, lungs burning by the time he passed the school and rounded the final bend towards the church gates. Sweating now, despite the cold wind, Jack pushed the creaky iron gate open.

Please let me be right.

His heart pounded and desperate hope clenched like a fist in his gut as he made his way through the churchyard and around to the back of the church.

The figure on the bench was instantly recognisable. Hunched in his too-thin jacket, Nate was shivering like a whippet and his face was pale. He didn’t notice Jack approaching until Jack was right beside him. Finally he turned his gaze to Jack and his face was expressionless.

“Nate,” Jack said standing in front of him. The word came out sounding like a plea, but Jack had to do better. He had so much to make up for. “I’m sorry.”

He held out the daffodils, a peace offering.

Nate took them, looking up at Jack with his eyebrows raised, waiting for more.

“I’m sorry for being stupid, for being blind. I never knew how you felt about me; I didn’t see it back then. And recently… I think I guessed how you felt, but I wasn’t sure. And I was still working out my own feelings.” Jack dropped to his knees in front of Nate so they were on a level. “I’m sorry I was careless with your heart—when we were kids, and now. I’m sorry that I ever made you feel as if I was ashamed of being with you, or as if you weren’t important to me. Because you are.”

There was a pause. Nate stared intently into Jack’s eyes as though searching for the truth, not quite believing Jack’s words. “How important?” he finally asked.

Jack swallowed, considering his reply carefully. He wanted to be completely honest with Nate. “When we were kids, you were my best mate. I loved you as a friend, but nothing more. I don’t have that layer of history that you have. My feelings are new, based on you as I know you now. So maybe that makes them somewhat different to yours… but that doesn’t mean they’re not real. I love you, Nate. I’m in love with you. It crept up on me without me noticing, but now I’m sure. And I’m so sorry I hurt you by keeping you… by keeping us a secret. But I’ve told my parents now. It’s out in the open.”

“What did you tell them?” Nate frowned.

“That I love you, and that I screwed it up.” Jack huffed a humourless laugh. “That I was going to try to fix it. So that’s what I’m doing. Nate, please.” He put his hands on Nate’s knees, finally allowing himself the luxury of touching him. “Please can I have a second chance? Can we do it right this time?”

Nate let Jack’s hands stay where they were, but he made no move to reciprocate the touch. He licked his lips before asking, “What will this mean for us? What do you want?”

Jack realised he had the answers to those questions; they were right there as if he’d been brewing them for weeks in his subconscious. “I want us to be together. Properly. For keeps. I’ll stay living here if this is where you want to be. My job’s going all right, and I should have the chance to pick up some extra admin hours soon. Then maybe we could afford to rent somewhere together? God knows I want to get out of my parents’ house. And if you wanted to live with me, we could afford somewhere with two bedrooms—one for Cass and one for us.” He paused. “So, what do you think?”

There was a long pause, and Jack measured the wait with each anxious thud of his heart.

Finally, Nate’s serious face melted into a smile, like the first tentative spears of flowers pushing through the frozen earth in spring. “Okay,” he said simply.

“Is that a yes?” Jack needed to be sure. “You want to try it. Being together? Living together?”

Nate’s smile widened and Jack’s heart lifted. “Yes to all of it.”

“Oh thank fuck.” Jack tilted his head back for a moment as he sighed his relief. Above them, a break in the clouds showed a patch of blue for the first time that day. Then he looked at Nate intently and asked, “You’re sure? You can forgive me for being a dickhead?”

Nate laughed then, and the joyful sound of it made Jack’s heart soar. “Yeah. Given that I’ve been in love with you forever, I’m pretty sure I want to give it a go even if you are a dickhead at times. I’d be mad not to say yes now you’re on your knees professing your love for me and begging me to give you a chance.”