Second Chance(36)

“What about Cass?”

“I think she’s guessed something’s going on too. She’s not stupid. She knows I’ve been spending time with you, and I always end up grinning like an idiot when you text me. So what do you say? If I talk to her, and my mum, would you be up for hanging out at my place?”

“Well I guess it beats your car.” Jack grinned. “So yes, let’s give it a try.”

“Okay, I’ve got to dash. Don’t bother to get up…. I can let myself out.” Nate went over to the bed and leaned down to give Jack a quick kiss. “Have fun with that.” He squeezed Jack’s cock, still half-hard.

“Will do.”

Nate gripped the steering wheel tightly as he drove away into the night. His emotions whirled like a kaleidoscope. It was hard for him to separate them but he tried to sift through and identify each one. Elation, satisfaction, excitement… but the dominant ones were happiness and hope, and the presence of those inevitably meant dealing with a heavy dose of anxiety and doubt too. Nate couldn’t afford to let himself hope for too much. He had to keep his rational brain engaged. He needed to be satisfied with this exactly as it was.

Good sex with an old friend, nothing more.





Ten





After Nate had gone, Jack had a quick wank in the shower before going back to bed. Lying there, he thought about Nate and the evening they’d spent together. Jack had been a little nervous about hooking up again. In the car it had been a quick fumble in the dark and although he’d been excited at the thought of more time to explore each other, he’d also been daunted at dealing with anatomy that was different to what he was used to.

It had been a relief when they’d bypassed oral and gone straight to fucking. Fucking, Jack could do, and actually it was way easier without the need for prep and lube. But afterwards he’d regretted the lost opportunity to get up close and personal with Nate’s dick. So when they’d got horny again he’d decided to be bold.

He smiled as he remembered how Nate had responded to his mouth. It seemed like you couldn’t go wrong with licking and sucking whatever someone had between their legs, and Jack was relieved to find that turning Nate on and making him come was as hot as it had ever been with any cisgender guy.

A warm feeling that Jack recognised as happiness swelled inside him, making his heart beat faster and his smile spread wider. It had been a long time since he’d felt like this. Tonight had been amazing. Reconnecting with Nate was so good. But Jack’s new happiness was tempered with doubt. Was it crazy to get involved as lovers when they’d only just become friends again? Jack felt a strong attachment to Nate already, and the thought of losing this new intimacy was a cold hand, squeezing the warm bubble of excitement. Whatever happened between them sexually, Jack hoped that their rekindled friendship would last. Even if he moved away again and they couldn’t see each other regularly, maybe they could keep in touch and visit sometimes? Jack didn’t want to lose Nate again.

He was dozing off when his phone buzzed with a message from Nate.

Thanks for tonight. That was fun.

Jack grinned as he typed, the warm feeling ramping up a notch. Yeah it was. You home safe now?

Yes.

Sleep well. I know I will. See you again soonish?

Definitely.

Nate’s immediate reply settled something in Jack’s gut. His relief at Nate’s quick agreement made him realise how invested he was already. Luckily Nate seemed equally keen to spend time together.



Jack didn’t have any contact with Nate on Sunday but it didn’t worry him too much. Still riding the high of the night before, his mood was good. It was a sunny day so Jack went out for a walk in the afternoon, taking a footpath that led across the fields and then looped up the hill to the church.

By the time he got there he was tired and sweating from the exertion. Although it was February, Jack could feel the warmth of the sun on his face. He made his way through the churchyard, slowing to admire clumps of snowdrops pushing through the lush green grass around the headstones. When he got to the back of the church he sat on one of the benches that looked out towards the river estuary. Instinctively he reached for the cigarettes in his coat pocket, but when he pulled the packet out he didn’t open it.

Taking a deep breath of the fresh country air, Jack put the pack back in his pocket. He could wait and have one later if he still wanted to smoke.

He stared at the countryside, a tapestry in shades of green and brown under the vivid blue of the sky. Jack savoured it, appreciating the beauty and the peace. The only sound was birdsong, so different to the traffic noise that had been a constant in Manchester. For the first time since coming back to Hedbury, Jack felt true appreciation for it. It was lovely to be able to walk in the countryside and have views like this practically on his doorstep.

Leaning back, Jack folded his arms and let himself enjoy this new feeling of contentment. For the last couple of weeks his mood had gradually lifted, the crushing weight of depression no longer his constant companion. The meds were working for sure, but Jack still had a long way to go. The chemical balance might be partially restored, but the idea of rebuilding his life was daunting. He’d let everything go to shit and no amount of medication could fix that. That had to come from Jack himself.

He sighed as anxiety bled back in, muting his happiness but not eclipsing it completely. There were so many decisions to make going forward, because having lost everything, it was as if he was starting his life all over again.