Scorched Treachery (Imdalind, #3)(93)

As soon as Wyn woke, the questions came, the voices all sounding at once. They asked questions and demanded answers, their voices growing louder and panicking me. The touching followed, my father’s hands on my skin in excitement, Thom reaching out to me in thanks, and though I understood their desires, my body curled into itself. I couldn’t stop the howling that escaped from my chest.

I pushed myself into Ilyan, the only security I knew, and let his comfort take the fear away. I wasn’t ready to talk to any of them. I wasn’t ready to look into my father’s eyes and relive all that had happened since he had left. So instead, my father had hugged me as I sat on Ilyan’s lap and whispered in my ear how much he loved me. Ilyan had passed on my words to him before taking me from the room.

I had crawled to the balcony after he left me, my movements slow as the twitches kept coming, my heart thumping as it continued to struggle with reality.

I kept my magic trained on Ilyan as I watched the fireflies. I pulled his magic through the ?tít in desperation, trying to feel his comfort, to feel safe. His magic was the reminder that I was okay.

Everything was getting clearer, but I still hadn’t broken free. I didn’t think I ever would.

I could feel the pulse of Ilyan’s magic from where he stood with Sain as they healed his son, my brother. I could feel Ilyan’s emotions, the heightened connection giving me access to loose pieces of his thoughts. Ilyan was nervous about me, he wanted to leave, but he was fighting it, knowing he needed to stay there too, that he had responsibilities that he could not ignore.

I felt Ilyan’s anxiety as Sain began to tell him all that had happened. His anxiety triggered my own; my magic surging through him as my own peaked, confusing me as to whether I should calm him or myself.

If I focused, I could hear their conversation. I could pretend to be well enough to be around them but they weren’t alone. There was someone else with them. I knew that if I heard his voice, I couldn’t be sure what I would do.

Ilyan.

I let my magic grow and sent my voice into his head, the word traveling through the ?tít and into him. I wasn’t sure how I had done it the first time. I had sat huddled on the floor as Wyn screamed, and I could feel my magic grow into something that it hadn’t been before. I looked into Ilyan’s eyes and my soul had told me what to do. It didn’t take more of a thought than that.

I felt Ilyan’s excitement increase at my message, his thoughts changing from stress over what he was being told toward me, his thoughts heavy with worry.

I’m fine, Ilyan.

A moment passed as he talked, but soon his thoughts were torn between wondering what I needed and trying to focus on what Sain was telling him.

I stayed still as I felt the ebb and flow of Ilyan’s emotions, small words of his thoughts filtering through. I didn’t know what had caused me to call to him; I knew he would come when he was done. I could feel that conviction inside of him already. Besides, I had my fireflies to keep me company.

My body shook the longer I sat, my hands twitching underneath the blanket. I could feel the anxiety rise, the uncertainty taking over. I focused on the panic, trying to calm it, but knowing it would come no matter what I did.

My tension grew, but Ilyan’s song filled my mind, the thought flowing from Ilyan into me, my own lips following suit as I whispered the words to myself. The anxiety I had felt lessened as Ilyan’s magic filled me from a distance.

The song ended just as the door creaked open as he entered a few minutes later. I knew it was Ilyan, but I couldn’t stop the tension from filling my joints or the way my head moved toward my chest. I kept my body still against the stone of the wall as I felt Ilyan’s magic move closer to me, the ebbs growing as he calmed me.

I turned my eyes enough to watch as he sat next to me, his legs crossed beneath him, just far enough away that I couldn’t touch him easily. I curled into myself instinctively, part of me wishing I wouldn’t. I could hear that part of me scream for his contact, but the jitters begged otherwise.

Even through the fear, I still wanted to touch him. I pushed the thought away, choosing instead to focus on his blue eyes and how they dug into me, the way his fingers twitched in desperation to touch me, and the way his lips turned up in a calm joy when I looked at him.

I watched him, and I felt the tension leave, my heart rate slow. Not for the first time, just the sight of him calmed me.

“Ilyan,” I breathed, my voice calm. I wasn’t sure I could manage more than that one word though.

He smiled at the sound of his name on my tongue, his magic surging in response.

“Are you talking now?” he asked, his voice a cross between amusement and worry.

No.

I sent the one word into his mind, but instead of sadness, he only smiled. I didn’t see what was so funny, but he obviously did. I wrapped my hands around myself, my body tensing at what that smile could mean. It was nothing. It had to be nothing but happiness.

I will only talk to you.

Ilyan smiled again, his gaze darting away from mine to his hands before coming back to rest on me, the soft blue light of his eyes glossed over.

“And, I will cherish every second of your voice that you give me.”

He smiled again, the warmth of his face seeping into me, soothing my nerves. My body loosened a bit, and I couldn’t help but let my own small smile filter onto my face. A smile. It felt weird and foreign on my face. I had forgotten what it felt like. I had forgotten what happiness felt like.