Scorched Treachery (Imdalind, #3)(35)

Trapped in the blackness of my subconscious, my thoughts were only on her. I wondered if I had been able to get her away from Ryland alive, wondered if my foolish attempt at taking her with me through the stutter had worked.

I had felt the warmth of someone healing me, but the touch was wrong. It wasn’t her, and that only worried me more.

Until I heard her. Through the darkness that my body kept me in, I had heard her.

I heard her beg for me to live, and I wanted to tell her I was right there, beside her. I wanted to hold her and let her know that I would never leave her.

I had never been injured in this way. I had always been too strong to be hurt for long, and not being able to be there for her triggered my need, my determination, to leave the darkness. To protect her,

I listened to her voice. I listened to her fears, knowing that soon I would be able to calm them.

Every night since I had awoken, the memory of her words filled me. I heard her voice while I slept with her in my arms, and it calmed me, the way she had calmed me in Isola Santa two nights before – the way that no one had ever done. It was there I had felt her magic inside of me, mingling with mine. I had never felt that before, and the sensation was addicting. I wished I could keep that pleasant spark of her magic inside me forever.

I was so used to hearing Joclyn’s voice in my dreams that when she woke me up, by a simple call of my name, I heard her and my eyes opened. She looked at me with a face that I had memorized, and I blinked, waiting for my mind to clue me in to whether this was a dream or reality. It felt like a dream. Every morning, when I woke with her in my arms after so many years of waiting, it all felt like a dream.

I could feel the warmth of our body heat trapped against our skin and the cold of the cave against my cheek. I could feel her hand against my bare chest, her warm breath flowing over my skin. I could have died right there from the joy I felt.

“Jos,” I sighed, happy at being comfortable enough to say her name so familiarly.

She smiled at me, but the smile was sad, the pain behind her eyes stronger than I remembered it being. Something was bothering her: a decision, a choice. I couldn’t tell what. I had missed something. My muscles tensed in alarm. I should have never let her wait so long between T?uhas.

I pushed my magic through her, letting the warmth slow her heart beat. She looked at me with those sad eyes before the fear began to fade, a comfort taking over, her smile lighting her face.

I watched as the calm washed through her before I registered the light in the cave. It was morning. She had slept all night. My whole body felt light at the thought. Finally, she had gotten some rest. She needed it so very badly after all she had been forced to endure.

I had tried to give her that rest at the hotel last night, but the nightmares still found her. I grabbed her hand in surprise and held it against my chest, her skin warm.

“No nightmares?” I was hopeful. How could I not be? I had held her for months as the nightmares had plagued her, tried everything to help her, and tried everything again when nothing had worked.

“I am so glad,” I whispered at the shake of her head, pulling her into me and wrapping my arms around her. The small movement must have triggered a million aches inside of her because I felt her back seize as she gasped, and my heart clunked heavily in my chest in worry.

I did the same thing I had done for months. I plunged my magic into her as I healed her. I wrapped her spine in energy as I repaired the tiny fractures that lined her bones and warmed her spleen as I jumpstarted it.

I had known it was foolish yesterday to let her wait so long, but I also knew why she was scared. I just hoped Ovailia could bring Ryland back soon. Only his touch could make her whole again. I needed her whole. I couldn’t bear to see her in pain, even if his return would take her away from me.

For now, I would keep her safe and protect her until the end.

“I’m scared, Ilyan.” Her voice was so soft, so fearful. It triggered that deep protection instinct that was inside me, and I fought the need to hold her closer against me.

She spoke of the T?uha as if it was a torture chamber, and to her, I am sure it was. It was now a necessity for her health and survival, and yet, it was always so full of pain and sadness. Not for the first time, I worried that I had made the wrong choice, wondered if I should have prompted her to break the bond. I wished I could take the pain away, give her health and healing, but it was not my place.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips against the skin of her forehead, her warmth shooting through me like lightning. I pulled away, much sooner than my heart begged me to. I had to remind myself that she was not mine for my heart to claim. As much as my heart called for her and my magic longed for her, she was not mine. Not yet.

She belonged to my brother. I was only serving as her safe harbor until Ryland was able to return to her.

“I will be here the entire time, Joclyn,” I whispered to her, my soul lost to the doubt and fear that flashed through her silver eyes. “Be quick.”

Something deep inside of me begged me not to let her go. I didn’t want to see the pain on her face when she returned. After the last time, when she woke up bleeding, I had become worried as to what could actually happen within these shared consciousnesses her and my brother shared. A T?uha was meant to be a place of intimacy and a joining of body and mind, but Joclyn had never been able to experience them the way they were meant. From the beginning, she had been forced into a place of loneliness.