Say the Word(81)

“What?” I asked, my voice scratchy with sleep.

Simon looked at Fae. “Do you want to tell her, or should I?”

“Sweetie, you look like death warmed over. You’ve got raccoon eyes.” Fae’s lips twitched as she pointed at my face. “What happened?”

“And what’s with the psycho serial-killer wall over there?” Simon asked, gesturing toward the mosaic of notes and photos I’d pinned up on the other side of the room. “Does someone need a Prozac?”

I groaned, pulling my sleep mask back over my eyes to block them out.

“I think this calls for serious measures,” Fae noted.

“Yep.” Simon agreed. “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Wine,” they chimed in unison.

A hand grazed my temple, peeling the sleep mask off my face and up over my head, and bringing my best friends back into view. Fae, sleep mask in hand, was staring at me with concern while Simon headed across the room toward the kitchen area, no doubt in search of the jumbo bottle of Merlot I’d stashed on the counter. I sat up in bed when he returned with a full glass of wine and a warm, wet washcloth. I accepted both gratefully, gently wiping at the mascara on my face and taking a large sip from my glass.

When I’d gotten myself together, I took a deep breath and faced Simon and Fae, who were watching me from their perches at the end of my bed.

“It’s time to spill, baby,” Simon said, squeezing my thigh. Fae nodded in agreement.

With a sigh, I set my wine glass on the bedside table, climbed from the bed, and crossed to my desk, where I’d dropped my keys earlier. Fingering the smallest brass key on the ring, I headed for the small excuse for a closet embedded in the wall by my bed. On the top shelf, tucked behind the Jamie Box, I had a small lockbox where I kept a few things safe — the tiny diamond stud earrings my grandmother had left me when she passed, some of Jamie’s old medical records, my college diploma, and, of course, the document that had sealed my fate all those years ago.

The NDA.

I pulled the lockbox down from its place on the shelf and used the small key to open it. My fingers flipped through several documents before reaching the file that lay on the very bottom. I grasped the papers lightly, as though they were laced with toxins and holding them might allow fatal poison to seep through my fingertips and into my bloodstream. The pad of my index finger traced the lettering typed in boldface across the top of the first sheet:





NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT


The tempo of my heart picked up speed as I walked back toward Simon and Fae, who hadn’t moved from their spots on my bed. I stopped about five feet away.

“If I tell you everything, I’m violating this contract,” I told them, gesturing to the papers in my hand. “And, technically, I’m breaking the law.”

“What is it?” Simon breathed, the light in his eyes equal parts excitement and trepidation.

“It’s a non-disclosure agreement.” I swallowed roughly.

Fae’s expression was unreadable. “It has to do with Sebastian?” she asked.

I nodded. “I’ve never told anyone about this. Not even Jamie. I didn’t ever want to look at it again,” I whispered, my grip tightening on the slim stack of paper. I wanted to rip it to shreds, but instead I forced my grip to loosen and looked up at my friends. “But I needed you to know that this isn’t a secret I keep lightly. It’s not something I ever wanted in my life, and I probably shouldn’t even be talking about it, but I trust you guys. I love you. And if you need to know, I’ll show you — I’ll tell you everything.”

They were quiet for a long time, the silence stretching out as I waited for them to make a decision. They locked eyes, staring at one another for a few seconds before nodding in sync and turning back to face me.

“We don’t need to see it.” Fae smiled softly at me. Simon nodded in agreement.

“Are you sure?” I asked, wavering. There was a large part of me that didn’t want to keep all of this to myself anymore, even though sharing wouldn’t have been the soundest decision I’d ever made.

“Put it away, baby,” Simon ordered in a gentle voice.

“I don’t want this secret to come between us or cause a problem in our friendship,” I said quietly, voicing one of my biggest fears. Since Jamie died, Simon and Fae were the closest thing I had to family.

Simon snorted outright. Fae’s laugh was a little more subdued, but not much.

“Now you’re just being a dumb blonde,” Simon chided, rolling his eyes. “I thought you’d finally dispelled that stereotype but I see my work with you is not yet done.”

“Lux, don’t you understand?” Fae asked with a grin. “We love you too. Being friends with someone doesn’t mean that everything is perfect all the time.”

“Clearly,” Simon chimed in, rolling his eyes.

“As I was saying,” Fae continued, smacking Simon lightly on the arm. “A perfect friendship doesn’t mean everything is perfect — it means you love each other enough to forgive the imperfections.”

I’d thought I was cried-out for the day, but I suddenly found my eyes watering.

“Jesus, all this sweet bonding is giving me cavities,” Simon complained. “Put that damn thing away and come drink your wine.”