Say the Word(59)

“Uh huh, whatever you say, Mrs. Patel,” I said, still grinning at her. “See you soon.”

She sighed, but the beginnings of a smile graced her lips. “See you soon, Miss Lux.”

“Bye, Ravi!” I yelled in the direction the storeroom as I pulled open the door and headed outside.

So, overall my day had sucked. Big time. The thing with Sebastian was messed up beyond belief, I was pretty sure Cara was trying to singlehandedly ruin my life, and work tomorrow would probably be even worse than today had been. But for some reason, as I looked down at the basket clutched tightly in my right fist, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face.





***


I leaned back against my sofa, both hands resting on my now-bloated stomach, and surveyed what remained of the feast Mrs. Patel had provided me. The dinner she’d prepared had been incredible — more authentic and flavorful than any of the gourmet meals I’d eaten at Indian restaurants across the city — and I hadn’t let any of it go to waste. All that remained were naan crumbs and whatever curry remnants I’d been unable to scrape off the sides of the plastic containers with my fork. I may have gone a little — okay, a lot — overboard, and I’d have to go for a run tomorrow morning if I ever wanted to fit into my jeans again, but it had been worth it.

Once I’d digested enough to move, I hopped in the shower and tried to wash off the day’s negativity. I forced myself to accept that there was nothing I could do to fix things with Sebastian. I couldn’t tell him the truth about the past, and even if I did, there was a still a good chance he wouldn’t forgive me for what I’d done. All I could do now was resolve to handle it better in the future, and hope that our little scene on the conference room table would never be repeated.

I remembered the look in his eyes — so conflicted, so intense — and prayed that somewhere deep down, beneath the caustic mask he now showed the world, a gentleman still existed. With any luck, that would be enough to rein in his anger and save us from any more explosive encounters.

I’d just slipped on my bathrobe when my door buzzed. Puzzled, I walked over to the intercom and pressed a button to activate the small speaker.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Desmond!”

I sighed and buzzed him in. There was never a good time to break up with someone, I supposed. But Desmond deserved better than me — better than a girl who could only commit a fraction of her time and an even smaller fraction of her heart to the relationship. Whether I liked it or not, Sebastian’s reappearance in my life complicated everything. He consumed my thoughts, ruled my actions, even though we weren’t together.

I was just thankful that I’d never gotten serious with Desmond. We were casual. Heck, we’d never even talked about exclusivity — I could be one short name on a long list of girls. I tried to console myself with that thought.

I’d barely had enough time to tighten my robe a little more securely when his knock sounded at my door. A cursory glance in my peephole had me sliding the chain and granting him entrance.

“Hey,” he said, leaning in to kiss my cheek. He’d bounded up five flights of stairs and he wasn’t even winded — the boy had some serious stamina working in his favor. Unfortunately, I wouldn’t be the girl benefitting from it.

“Hi, Des.”

We walked over to my sofa and sat a few paces apart. A week ago, I might’ve snuggled into his side, or he might’ve hauled me onto his lap and taken advantage of my skimpy silk bathrobe. Now, the careful distance between us only compounded the awkwardness of the situation.

“I’m sorry to just show up like this,” he said, dual red spots appearing on his cheeks. “It’s just, well, you seem distant. I wanted to see if you were okay.”

Shit. Of course he had to be the most considerate guy on the planet. Why couldn’t he be a selfish jerk? That would make things so much easier for me.

“I’m really sorry, Desmond.” I took a deep breath and tucked my legs up beneath me on the sofa cushion. “You’re completely right. I’ve been distracted and upset and… well, just a mess, lately.”

“What’s wrong?” He reached across the space between us and settled a large hand on my knee. His comforting squeeze made my eyes fill with tears. “You can tell me, babe.”

“I’ve been completely unfair to you,” I confessed, my voice shaky. “You deserve someone much, much better than me.”

“What?” He stared at me, taken aback by my words. “Lux, that’s crazy.”

“You don’t know about my past.” I took a shuddering breath, trying to regain control. “I had a relationship when I was young that didn’t end well. For either of us. And I thought I’d never see him again, but last week I bumped into him at Luster, of all places. Now he’s pretty much my boss for the next few weeks. I just don’t think I can handle all the history that seeing him dredges up while trying to start a new relationship with someone else.”

I looked at him apologetically, dreading his response. Hurting such a good guy felt supremely shitty, but it was necessary. It wouldn’t be fair to string him along while my thoughts were wrapped up in Sebastian.

Desmond squeezed my knee reassuringly. “And this guy, he’s—”

“He hates me,” I blurted out. “And I don’t blame him. But it doesn’t make it any easier to see him, or be around him.”