Say the Word(130)

“For the big moments in your life,” Bash said, flipping gently through the stack and reading the messages inscribed on the front of each envelope.

“For the small ones, too.”

I passed him my one of my favorites:





FOR A DAY WHEN LOVE STINKS (YEAH, YEAH)


As he read, the smile on his face grew to a grin.



Light of My Life,

You’re moping. I get it — heartbreak sucks.

Well, I don’t really get it, because I’ve never been in love, per se. Not unless you’re counting my obsession with Sophia Vergara who, one of these days — you mark my words — will realize that the love of her life is a twenty-one year-old amputee in Georgia.

But you, my darling sister, have been in love. And afterward, your little heart was broken and I was forced to listen to John Mayer breakup songs for almost two years. (Our apartment walls are treacherously thin, for future reference.) Maybe even now, a few years down the road, you’re reading this letter because you’ve been reminded of that same heartbreak. Maybe you’ve experienced a fresh one. I don’t know, I’m not there. (Dead, remember?)

I do know one thing, though. You’re brave. It takes guts to give your heart to someone else, and trust that they’ll take care of it. And some day, you’ll find that someone who makes all the other someones in your life seem insignificant.

When that day comes, when you’re absolutely sure he’s the one you’re supposed to be with, give him the red envelope at the back of this box.

I may never have been in love, but I’ve witnessed more of it than most ever get to.

People think of hospitals as being full of only sickness and sadness — patients dying, relatives mourning. But they’re wrong. I’ve spent a good part of the last five years in and out of hospitals, first in Jackson and now here in Atlanta. Of course I’ve seen the grief and the illness and the death here. That’s all you’ll see on surface level. Look a little deeper, though, and those things are insignificant compared to the immense love that fills the walls of these buildings.

The baby wards, where new parents hold their little bundles close and plan out bright futures full of joy. The hopeful families who keep smiles on their faces in spite of the odds. The ones who’ve traveled around the world to hold the hand of a loved one who’s lying in a sickbed with a fate unknown.

That’s love.

There are all kinds of love in this world, sis. Great loves and little loves. The fleeting ones, and the ones that last a lifetime. I might be dead, and you might be a crazy person fueled by far too much estrogen, but I love you more than anything.

Well, actually, that’s a little dramatic… Maybe not more than anything. But more than most things. More than Cadbury chocolate bars and all of my favorite sports teams. More than Sophia Vergara those really great popsicles they give out during chemo sessions.

Keep your chin up. Things will get better. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or even this year — but someday.

You’ll find that great love again.



Until then, know that I love you.

Jamie



Bash looked over at me with a film of tears in his eyes. “I miss him,” he said, his voice rough.

I nodded. “Me too. Every day.”

He slipped his hand into mine and squeezed lightly.

“He wrote 100 letters.” I stared at the box. “But only 99 of them are for me.”

Bash’s grip tightened on mine, his eyes following my free hand as I reached toward the back of the box and pulled out a bright red, sealed envelope. The script on the front was simple, two short words that held so much significance.





FOR HIM


With trembling fingers, I passed the envelope to Bash and looked up to meet his eyes. “There’s no one else I would ever give this letter to,” I whispered. “I’ve never even been tempted. It felt like…” I took a deep breath. “Well, like Jamie would’ve wanted you to have it, more than anyone else.”

Bash inhaled sharply. His fingers gripped the red envelope tightly and his gaze was riveted on my face as I continued to speak.

“Jamie told me to wait until I was absolutely certain that I’d found the one I’m supposed to be with in this life. But I think he knew, all along, that the person I was supposed to be with was you.” I leaned in and brushed my lips against Bash’s. Pulling back slightly, I stared into his eyes. “I’ll be honest — I didn’t fall in love with you again during these last few weeks,” I told him.

His brows rose and he opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off.

“Because I never fell out of love in the first place,” I whispered, reaching up to cup his jaw with one hand. “You had my heart for all these years — you still have it, Bash.”

He pushed a lock of hair behind my ear and pulled me close. “About time you admitted it,” he whispered, his smiling lips pressed against my ear.

“I’m sorry it took me so long.” I looked into his eyes, my own smile spreading across my face. “I love you. I never stopped.”

He kissed me then, and it was as if, for a few moments, my world ceased to turn, my heart stopped its beating, and everything just… froze. I knew it was one of those perfect moments I’d remember for the rest of my life.