Savage Hearts (Queens & Monsters #3)(82)

I grab the whiskey one of the girls set in front of me. Before I can chug it, Mal places his hand on my wrist to stop me.

Shit. I forgot I can’t drink! This is the worst possible time to be missing a kidney.

Silence reigns for a moment after I set the glass back down. Then Pakhan says, “You’re nervous.”

I exhale a hard breath. “No, I’m terrified. Thank you for the outfit. It’s lovely. For the contacts as well.”

He smokes his cigar, considering my profile. On my other side, Mal is quiet and still. A dark lake with deep waters hiding vicious monsters beneath.

“What are you afraid of, child?”

It’s probably the grandfatherly way he addresses me that makes me feel a sliver more comfortable, but I find myself able to glance at him without fainting.

“Well…you.”

“Me?” Pakhan looks to Mal with raised brows.

I blurt, “It’s not his fault!”

Now both of them are frowning at me. I’m looking at Pakhan, but I can feel Mal’s glower without seeing it. It makes me panic all over again. I bite my lip to keep from making another sound.

“What exactly isn’t his fault?”

“Me being afraid of you. He didn’t say anything bad, you’re just…sort of…scary.”

When he simply stares at me, I cringe. “Sorry. I’m not trying to insult you. I’m just telling you the truth.”

“The truth. Hmm.”

He smokes thoughtfully.

Mal still hasn’t said a word.

“Tell me, Miss Keller, how are you?”

That catches me completely off guard. I blink. When Mal squeezes my hand, I take a breath and hope he meant it when he said to tell the truth, because here goes.

“Right now? Totally freaked out. In general? Better than I’ve been in maybe ever.”

“Better than ever? Most women who’ve been shot, kidnapped, and held captive might find a different way to describe their predicament.”

He says it to me, but he’s looking past me to Mal.

He doesn’t look happy.

How the hell does he know all this stuff? And why would he care if Mal kidnapped me?

Doesn’t matter. Focus.

“He saved my life. Twice. And yes, technically he did kidnap me, but I haven’t asked him to take me home. I think if I did, he would, but I don’t want to ask him to. I actually, um…sort of…have feelings for him.”

I’ve seen the expression Pakhan is wearing before. Mal has looked at me exactly like this a hundred times, when I’ve said something he thinks is even more insane than what I’m usually saying.

“Did he tell you to say that?”

“No.”

Pakhan’s eyes are bloodhounds, lie detectors, and CIA agents interrogating prisoners at Guantanamo. If they could waterboard me, they would.

I let him look. Nuts or not, I’m not lying.

After what feels like eons, he says, “Are you sleeping with him?”

What the actual fuck? I take a breath and try to keep my face and tone calm. “Yes.”

“So he’s forcing you.”

Irritation jolts through me. Indignant on Mal’s behalf, I speak more sharply than I should.

“No. He would never force himself on me, even if he wanted to. I know that because he did want to. As a matter of fact, I’m the one who made the first move in that direction.”

Pakhan makes a dismissive gesture with his hand. He doesn’t seem impressed.

“Women often lie to themselves in these situations. It helps them deal with the trauma if they feel like they’re not a victim. That they had a choice.”

He’s telling me Mal has taken advantage of me, but I’m not smart enough to know.

He’s telling me I’ve been raped, but I don’t realize it.

He’s telling me I’m a silly little girl.

Heat crawls up my neck. My heart starts pounding. I stare at him, wanting to yank his cigar out of his hand and snuff it out on his forehead. The room and everything in it disappears.

I don’t care if this is the most powerful man in Russia.

He’s got it coming, and I’m gonna let him have it.

Looking him straight in the eye, I say, “I don’t know what kind of women you’ve been involved with, but if this man had harmed me in any way, he’d be missing his dick. I would never sit here and defend him, not even if he threatened to kill me if I didn’t. He would’ve had to drag me kicking and screaming into this room by my hair.

“Yes, he kidnapped me. I know it’s not an ideal way to start a relationship, but it’ll be a great story when someone asks how we met. But he also got me emergency surgery that saved my life after my own bodyguard shot me, changed my bandages and made sure I took my medicine, spoon fed me like a baby with meals he cooked himself, took an elk head off a wall because I hated it, robbed an optometrist so I could see, killed the bear that was trying to eat me, taught me how to shoot in case I needed to defend myself, and a bunch of other stuff I can’t remember right now because I’m so mad.

“Mal is the most generous, competent, intelligent, self-disciplined, wonderful man I’ve ever met. He kills people for a living, but nobody’s perfect. And before you ask, yes, he told me how he came to be in your employ. He also told me he’s not going to stop working for you, even though his whole family is now dead and he doesn’t have anybody to protect anymore. So he’s also loyal to a fault. So please don’t insinuate that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about when I say I have feelings for him, because I do. Because he’s worth it!”