Ruthless Creatures (Queens & Monsters, #1)(102)

We stare at each other. The air between us crackles.

I say softly, “I told you, baby. It’s my duty and pleasure to take care of you.”

Then I turn around and walk away, leaving her to decide if that’s enough to make up for all my other sins.

It’s too bad I’m not the kind of man who prays.

I could really use a higher power’s help right now.





44





Nat





In the frantic call I made to my parents before I left Tahoe, I told them that an ex-boyfriend I dated for a while made threats that he’d go to their house and chop them up with a machete unless I got back together with him.

Dramatic, I know, but it was effective.

They love to watch true crime documentaries. My mother’s been expecting someone to break into their house and murder them for years.

So when I call them back and tell them that the alleged ex was arrested and is in jail, she almost sounds disappointed.

When she asks me how everything else is going, I say, “Great.”

Because no mother wants to hear that her daughter’s new boyfriend is the head of the Russian mafia who was originally supposed to kill her but fell in love with her instead and recently saved her from being shot in the face by another assassin whose brain matter is now decorating the ceiling of the house she grew up in.

That would be a tad much, even for her.

I hang up and call Sloane.

She picks up, shouting. “I’ve been worried sick! Are you okay?”

I slide to the floor and sit with my back against the wall and my knees drawn up, eyes closed. “I’m sorry. I know I left in a bit of a state.”

“A state? You left like you were being chased by a horde of soul-eating demons! And you wouldn’t tell me what the hell was going on! What happened?”

I think for a moment, take a sip of my wine, and decide just to go ahead and jump in.

“A mafia assassin named Viktor came to the house to kill me.”

Silence.

“Well, first he was supposed to get information from me about David—”

“David?”

“His name’s really Damon, by the way. He was in the mafia, too. Long story. I’ll circle back. So the assassin shows up and was just about to shoot me when Kage bursts in and shoots him instead. Finally, I have some good luck. Then my luck turns to shit again because I find out Kage was supposed to do Viktor’s job originally, but got distracted by my dazzling vagina.”

I pause to draw a breath. “You still there?”

“Just getting the popcorn. Keep talking.”

She never misses a beat, this girl. She should run for President. The country would be whipped into shape in no time.

“So Kage disobeyed a direct order from his boss, Max, who was David’s boss, too, before David embezzled one hundred million dollars from him and turned state’s evidence so the feds would give him a new identity so he could quit the mafia and move away.”

“That cheapskate had a hundred million bucks the whole time you were with him?”

She’s outraged about the money. I have to wonder at her priorities.

“Yes. He also has a new wife. Oh—I skipped ahead. David’s alive. I found him in Panama.”

Sloane starts to laugh. “Of course you did. Holy infant baby Jesus.”

“He had another wife, too, before this new one. He was married to some Sicilian mafia princess the whole time we were together. And he had two kids. Can you believe that? He’s a bigamist!”

Sloan laughs harder.

I say sourly, “Excuse me, this is my life we’re talking about here. It isn’t funny.”

“Babe, this is the funniest shit I’ve heard since we were twelve and you got that tampon wedged so far up your cooter your dad had to take you to the emergency room to get it out.”

“It was my first period! I didn’t know how to use them right! And why aren’t you worried about my mental state? I was almost killed! I’m having a breakdown over here!”

She sighs. I imagine her wiping tears of laughter from her eyes and getting her face all buttery from the popcorn.

“You’re not having a breakdown. But I don’t blame you for being upset. All that time and that tightwad David was actually loaded. What a massive butthole.”

I rub my temples, shaking my head in disbelief. “Aren’t you going to ask where I am now?”

“You’re with Kage, obviously.”

“Why obviously?”

“Because even though you were almost killed, and your dead fiancé isn’t actually dead, just a dickwad, and god knows whatever else you haven’t told me yet, you’re fine. And the only time you’ve been fine in the past five years is when you’re with him.”

My throat gets tight. So does my stomach. I say in a small voice, “He lied to me.”

She’s unimpressed. “Puh. He’s a man. Just withhold sex for a week or two and he’ll never lie again.”

“It’s inappropriate to punish someone by withholding sex.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s the most powerful tool in your arsenal.”

“What’s going to happen when you find someone you really care about, Sloane?”