Rules of Protection(89)

“You did.” His eyes softened as he glanced over at me. “You stopped me.”

“What? How?”

“You were in the hallway and looked upset. The few minutes I talked to you gave me some perspective. I went to the bathroom to pull myself together. By the time I came out, the only thing I could think of was how you—how anyone—might look at me if you had known what I planned to do.”

“But you followed them. I saw you go in the back room.”

“I wasn’t looking for Felts. Sergio went through there. I followed him to tell him to leave you alone, that you were with me. I wasn’t sure which way he had gone. When I couldn’t find him, I came out and searched for you. But you were gone. Then you flew out those doors a minute later. It was obvious you’d seen something. And, judging by how scared you were, I figured it had to be bad.”

My body shuddered at the memory of Sergio’s blank stare. “I thought you knew…that you worked for…”

“The only thing I knew was that they were searching for you. You were ducking through the crowd, trying to make your way to your friends. I had to get to you before you made it to them, or they would’ve been in danger as well.”

“You should’ve told me…”

“Told you what? That you were the lucky break I’d been hoping for?”

“Lucky? You think it was luck I witnessed a murder?”

“Emily, you saw Felts commit a crime, and I hadn’t been able to pin anything else on him. I hated that you had to see that, but truthfully, it was bittersweet.”

The comment alone polluted and distorted my view of Jake. I had to bite back the words I actually wanted to say. “You should’ve at least told me about your parents and how involved with the case you were.”

“I couldn’t tell you how my parents died. Not in the beginning. I saw the reaction you had when I told you about the other three witnesses. It wasn’t good.” Jake shook his head insistently. “No, I couldn’t take a chance you’d run. I needed your help to bring the murdering bastard to justice. It was my only alternative to killing him.”

My heart felt like he’d taken a shotgun to it and had blown it to smithereens. “So this was a personal crusade?”

“Of course it was,” Jake admitted, guilt-free.

Disbelief clouded my eyes and sent my stomach into a downward spiral. “It…it didn’t have anything to do with protecting me. You weren’t keeping me safe, Jake. You were keeping your precious f*cking court date.”

“I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t have ulterior motives, Emily. But it had nothing to do with you or this thing between us.”

This thing between us? What the hell was that supposed to mean? That it was just sex? He said he didn’t do meaningless sex. Then again, it isn’t like he said he loved me, either.

I became more enraged. “It has everything to do with me! I thought you weren’t telling me about your parents because you didn’t want to hurt me knowing I’d lost mine. It’s why I didn’t push. But that wasn’t it at all, was it, Jake? You kept it from me because you didn’t want to lose your star witness. That’s all you give a damn about.”

“Emily, you’re wrong. This thing. Us. It’s—”

“It’s what?” I asked, needing affirmation that he felt the same way about me.

“I don’t know,” he said in frustration. Jake moved away, infuriating me more.

I was livid he couldn’t elaborate, couldn’t verbalize it. I felt alienated and more alone than I’d ever felt since my parents died. After all, the man I’d fallen in love with wasn’t in love with me. He might have pulled me closer physically, but emotionally he pushed me away.

I couldn’t understand why, after what we had shared. Something was between us, but now, I was no longer sure what. It was like our relationship resembled the cell service out there. A connection was there, but kept getting lost in the trees.

“You f*cking coward! That’s fine, then. Chalk it up to one more notch on your belt for all I care. I should give you a standing ovation for the stunning performance you put on yesterday.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit.” He swallowed hard, trying to keep his temper from flaring further. “You know it wasn’t an act,” he said more calmly.

I wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t. Not after he admitted to having ulterior motives and not knowing what to call this thing between us. Dull pain in my fragile heart pulled at me, making me want to spew moisture from my eyes by the bucketful. But I couldn’t let my guard down with him anymore.

Once I was alone, I’d worry about piecing the broken shards back together. For now, I was angry. Mad at him for making me admit I loved him while weakened by the throws of passion. Disgusted with myself for falling in love with him. In fact, I would’ve been happy to stuff all of my unwanted feelings into a trash bag, throw it into the burn pit, and light it with the raging flames blazing inside me.

“What was this, then? You and your friends getting your jollies off on the city slicker who can’t do anything right? Jesus. You brought me out here so I could be the brunt of all of your jokes?” None of what I said was true, but he had hurt me and I wanted to hurt him back in self-defense.