Rules of Protection(59)

“Jake, knock it—”

“Emily, I’m telling you, if I have to hang out with her for more than five minutes, I’m hitting the hard stuff in my uncle’s liquor cabinet.” A bead of sweat ran down the side of his face.

“You’d think she’s the devil the way you’re acting,” I said. His eyebrows rose as if to confirm the accusation. “Fine, we’ll get your beer first, you chicken, but then you’re going to say hello, or I’m going to tell Floss on you.”

“Oh, real mature,” he said, guiding me toward the coolers his friends congregated around.

“I need a beer,” Jake said. “Possibly two.” Cowboy pulled two bottles out of the ice, handed one to Jake, and then opened the other, passing it to me with a wink. That annoyed Jake more. “I meant two for me, numb-nuts.”

A smile spread across Ox’s face. “If you’re double fisting, then it can mean only one thing, huh, Jakey?”

“Jakey! Jakey!” the three men chanted.

Jake showed them all an up-close view of his middle finger and pushed me in Momma Bell’s direction. “Let’s get this over with.”

We approached the elderly woman from the side, but she didn’t notice. Momma Bell sat in a plastic lawn chair with her pudgy hips sticking out the sides along with her flowery sundress. Her fluffy white hair reminded me of the baby chicks in Hank’s brooder box.

Floss motioned to us and gave the introduction. “Momma Bell, you remember Jake. And this is his girlfriend, Emily.”

Momma Bell wrenched herself out of her chair, pinched Jake’s cheek lovingly, and then slapped him in the back of his head. “Jakey’s all grown up, but obviously didn’t learn any manners,” she told me, before looking back at him. “You took long enough getting over here.”

“Sorry about that, Momma Bell. How have you—”

“Jakey, put a sock in it. It’s time I met my newest granddaughter. Why don’t you leave us girls alone to get acquainted?”

As big a smile as Jake wore, you would’ve thought the guy had just gotten laid. Blissfully happy, he didn’t argue or waste any time making tracks back to the ice chests for another beer.

I turned back to Momma Bell to meet the granddaughter she spoke of. That’s when I realized she was referring to me. Granddaughter? I just met the woman. And Jake wasn’t her grandson, nor did he wish to be.

Momma Bell grabbed me in a bear hug, practically squeezing the life out of me. For a second, I wondered if Frankie Felts had put her on his payroll. Seconds before I passed out, she released me. But that wasn’t the extent of the torture. She felt me up, from my shoulders all the way to my hipbones.

“You’re too scrawny, girl. Need some meat on your pitiful bones. Floss, you go get this girl a plate of food, and pile it high. I’m going to see to it she eats every bite.”

“Oh, no, that’s okay. I’m not hungry.”

“Nonsense,” Momma Bell argued. “You’re going to eat or we’re going to have one of them there telethons for you. You’ll make yourself sick being so skinny.”

Floss smiled at me before changing the subject. “I need to check if Hank watered my garden. He sometimes forgets.”

Momma Bell looked beside herself. “Men these days. They don’t pay attention. Why, if my Earl had ever done that, I’d have cooked his goose.”

“Earl is Momma Bell’s late husband,” Floss explained.

I nodded. “Jake mentioned him earlier.”

Momma Bell patted the chair next to hers as Floss walked away. “Sit, girl. I’m going to tell you all about Earl.”

Floss cut out after the first five minutes and never came back. And to think I used to like that woman. I glared across the yard, giving Jake a help-me look, but he just shrugged and tipped his beer at me. I returned a look, promising retribution, and resisted the urge to rip out my hair.

I tried to be polite, but an hour later I found myself scooting away like a coward. “Nice to meet you, Momma Bell.”

“I’m not through with you, young lady. You come back and visit me.”

“Okay,” I said, forcing my mouth to curl into a smile. What I really thought was right after I commit suicide, you crazy loon.

I couldn’t find Jake, but saw Cowboy standing near the coolers. “If Jake ever leaves me alone with that woman again, I’m going to borrow her pitchfork and stab him with it.”

He grinned. “What happened?”

“That crazy ass woman put a dip of snuff in her mouth and made me hold her spit can. Then she pulled a jar from her purse and made me take a drink. I think it was poison.”

“Moonshine,” Cowboy corrected with a chuckle. “Why didn’t you refuse?”

“The woman carries a gun in her purse. I’m not nearly as crazy as she is.”

“Now you know why Jakey avoids her.”

I blew out a breath. “No kidding. I’m surprised Jake hasn’t fed her to Charlie yet. Where is he, anyway?”

“He’s…uh…well, he’s…” Cowboy looked around, as if he was searching through the crowd. “Um…I don’t reckon I know.”

“What a crock of bullshit,” I said, which made his head turn to me with wide eyes. “Since the day I met you, you’ve never been at a loss for words, Mr. Smooth Operator.” My eyes pierced into his with an unnerving stare. “Now, let’s try this again. Where’s Jake?”