Rules of Protection(22)

Jake grimaced. “Bullshit. Emily, I can plainly see you’re not fine. Tell me what I can do.”

He may be responsible for my physical well-being, but my mental state wasn’t something he should have to deal with. It angered me that he looked at me with his eyes full of pity. “For one thing, stop calling me Emily.”

“It’s your name.”

“No, it’s not!” I shrieked. “My name is—”

“Not anymore, it isn’t. Your name is Emily, even if I have to beat it into your head before I’m through with you. Now get in the car.”

Never one for following orders, I resented Jake for issuing one. Annoyed by his demand and in the middle of a nervous breakdown, I underwent a mental time-out and said the first stupid thing that came to mind. “I hope the FBI has an extra-large dildo because all of you can go f*ck yourselves.”

I angled past him, walking away from the car, but Jake snatched me up before I could get far. “Don’t be stupid. Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

I didn’t answer him. In fact, I was careful not to look at his face until he stuffed me in the passenger seat of the Explorer. He stood there glaring, still waiting for an answer.

“Who cares, Jake? I’m dead, no matter what.”

His hard expression softened around the edges. “So that’s what this is about? You think you’re going to die?”

“Looks that way, doesn’t it?”

“Emily, I know your world just became more stressful with having to be relocated for a second time, but I’m not going to let anything happen to you. You have my word.”

“I don’t want to die.” I straightened my face and tried to get ahold of my emotions, but a few stray tears rolled down my cheek. “I didn’t even get my birthday sex.”

Jake looked at me strangely, swiped the drops away with his thumbs, and then snagged a strand of my hair, pushing it behind my ear. His hands rested on both sides of my neck as he leaned toward me. “I don’t know what the hell that means, but I can assure you that you’ll have plenty more birthdays ahead of you. Trust me, okay?”

I nodded quietly.

Jake flashed a grin. “I love the sound you make when you’re silent.”

He was only trying to make me feel better, but I couldn’t force myself to smile back. A flicker of light in his dark eyes called to me. How he had responded to my emotional needs stimulated me, and I desperately needed more. I inhaled his scent—a mix of soap and something unmistakably male—with every breath as I leaned slowly toward him. But before my lips touched his, he shifted away.

“Emily, it can’t happen again.” Jake wore a self-deprecating look. “It shouldn’t have happened the first time. It was an unguarded moment, one where I should’ve considered the consequences first. I could’ve gotten you killed.”

“But you didn’t.”

“Not this time, but I need to keep a clear head. And having sex with you is the exact opposite of that. We can’t become intimately involved.”

“You’ve already seen my vagina,” I reminded him, sarcastically. “You can’t get much more intimate than that.”

His gray eyes liquefied to molten steel. “Wanna bet?”

My inner muscles contracted enthusiastically, and a hot wave of lust ran up to my breasts. I bit my lip to keep from asking him to do a show-rather-than-tell format of his theory. “I don’t understand.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Not that. I mean, I don’t understand why we can’t—”

“Because there are rules about these things. I’d lose my job.”

“But as long as it’s off the record, then…”

“No.”

“Jake, I’m a big girl, and we’re both consenting adults. It’s not like you’re corrupting my soul or something.” God, I sounded desperate.

“No, but fraternizing with a material witness could get the entire case thrown out of court. My choices are a reflection on the bureau, as well as on me. I have to do this right. It’s important.”

“I get it. More important than some piece of ass you’re stuck babysitting, right? I’m glad you’ve made that clear.” Nope, I was wrong—way past desperate at this point.

“Damn it. Why do women always have to analyze or overthink everything?” He shook his head at me. “I didn’t say you were some piece of ass.” He blew out a breath. “I’m attracted, okay. I’ll admit it. Attracted enough that I can’t deny it, but some things are better left unspoken. I’m not saying it won’t happen…but later, after the trial. Until then, let’s keep things platonic.”

“I guess that’s your ‘let’s be friends’ speech? And I’m supposed to wait for you to lift this sexual embargo?”

“That’s all you can do. I won’t change my mind. I need to put Felts behind bars.”

“Wow! You’re a f*cking marvel. The backbone of our relationship,”—I used my fingers to signal air quotes—“is dependent on whether I live or die?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“It’s ridiculous. You’re prolonging this because you’re afraid of being that guy.”