Rule(31)

Rome stared at me with eyes that looked so much like his brothers.  I could tell by the twist in his mouth that I was not going to like what he had to say.

“Don’t you?”

I glared at him and poked at my plate.  “No.”

“Rule convinced Remy to move to Denver as soon as they graduated so you decided to move here too.  Rule acts like an ass making things with mom and dad impossible so you decided to play peacemaker and drag him home every weekend.  Rule acts and everyone has no choice but to react and we’ve all been doing it for years, you included.”

“I didn’t break up with Gabe because of Rule.”  That wasn’t entirely true but I didn’t need Rome trying to pick it apart.

“Really?”  His incredulous voice had me bristling up.  “I don’t know the entire ins and outs of your relationship with Remy,” I interjected automatically, “We were just friends, best, best friends.”  But Rome went on like I hadn’t even said a word, “but I do know that when you thought no one was looking you watched Rule like a hawk.  I know that every time he came stumbling home drunk, reeking like sex and cheap perfume from whatever teenage tramp he talked into letting him in her pants you looked like he had kicked you in the gut.  I know that every Sunday you looked the same way when you brought him home, so Shaw are you really going to try and tell me that the choices you make don’t involve Rule?”

I sighed and pushed the plate away, my appetite suddenly gone.  “What do you want me to say Rome?  My life has been entangled with the Archer boys for as long as I can remember, how much truth do you really think you can handle, I mean I’m officially not a teenager anymore and some of it just isn’t anybody’s business.  You want to hear that from the second Remy brought me home I loved him but that I was in love with Rule?  Do you want to hear that I spent years and years being sad and alone with only Remy and you guys as friends and it was okay because you were all I needed even though every day my heart broke a little more because Rule had no idea I was alive?  Do you want to hear that without your mom and dad I would have probably been forced into some boarding school and then some hallow Ivy League college just so my parents didn’t have to deal with me?  Come on Rome, what do you really want to know?”

By the time I was done my voice was bitter and I had twisted my napkin into a little ball on my lap.

“Why did Remy kept you so close if he knew you were all tangled up by Rule?  He had to know that wasn’t a match that was going to happen, Rule doesn’t do anything that takes work, and as much as I love you little girl you aren’t easy.”

These were the questions that I wished Remy was around to answer.  I sighed.  “He had his reasons, the least of which was to keep me as far away from my family as he could.  He didn’t want me to turn into a Stepford daughter even though he was only partly successful.  Sometimes I still can’t get out from under all those expectations.”

He tapped his fingers on the table.  “So you’ve been in love with my brother since you were thirteen?”

I snorted.  “Pretty much and everyone else in the world seems to know it but him.”  I tried really hard to keep the memories from Saturday night at bay.

“Why don’t you tell him?”

“Ahh you’ve met your brother, right?  Mr. I’ll bang anything with big boobs and a negative IQ, Mr. I’ll do what I want when I want.  Rule doesn’t need to know because it won’t change anything.”

Rome shrugged his good shoulder and winked at the waitress as she dropped off our bill.  “I don’t know, maybe it would be good for him to know.  He’s lived his life as a substitute for Remy for so long, maybe it would wake him up to know someone as good as you, as kind and loving has feelings for him and has for a long time.  I know deep down he’s a good guy, he just buries it under so much bullshit it can be hard to find.”

My plan was to avoid Rule until hell froze over.  I didn’t regret sleeping with him, in fact it had lived up to every expectation I had ever had of sex and in all truthfulness my ideas of sex with him.  There wasn’t any other person I could have imagined giving my virginity to and while I wish I had been sober and that it had been based more on emotion than physical attraction, the deed itself had been amazing and worth any twinge of remorse I had.  I knew my relationship with Rule would never be the same and I had to be okay with that.  I refused to be the girl that pined after him, that stalked him and called him a hundred times a day.  I decided the morning after it was all said and done that I was lucky it had been as nice as it was and if that was all I was ever going to get from Rule it was going to be enough.

“No, him knowing wouldn’t change anything, it would just make me feel worse.  We both know I’m not his type and I’ve dealt with enough rejection from people that are supposed to love me to last a lifetime.  Rule and I can just go on about being uneasy companions when we’re forced to spend time together and that’ll just have to be how it is.”  Rome didn’t need to know that things were bound to be even more strained and awkward between us now.

“Dinner with your dad was that bad this year?”

“He got married again, she’s twenty-five.”  I rolled my eyes.  “She spent the entire dinner telling me why I should rush the sorority she was in last year before she graduated, dad spent the whole dinner trying to tell me that I needed to give Gabe another chance.  He wrote me out a check for a grand after implying he would double it if I took Gabe back so it was more like extortion and torture than dinner.”