Ruin:Part One(4)

"Did you have a fight?" she presses.

I can't blame her for wanting to know. The last time we spoke was barely more than a week ago when I told her of my plans to visit New York with Parker in tow. I wanted to hold his hand in Central Park and feel his lips brush against mine while we soaked in the view atop the Empire State Building. I wanted his body to give me pleasure in a bed in a decadent hotel on the Upper West Side. I wanted to experience life with him.

I squeeze her hand slightly drawing strength from the familiar touch. "Parker left me." The words float off my tongue and into the stillness of the mid-morning air. "He left me, Alexa."

Her eyes dart to my face and I watch as they race over my features. "No, Kayla. He wouldn’t do that."

"He did," I bite back in a tone that speaks of the pain. It's the same overwhelming pain that I've been carrying within me for the past week. "He's gone."

"What happened?"

I draw in a quick breath hoping that it will offer some inspiration. "I don't know. He just said he wasn't happy."

"He wasn’t happy with you?"

I nod. I'd replayed Parker's words over and over in my mind since he told me he wanted to find himself and his own happiness. The words were a poorly crafted excuse for him to start fresh without me. They stung just as much as if he would have told me he stopped loving me.

"He begged you to come back to him a few months ago." She holds my hand tighter, squeezing it more. "You left everything here to go be with him."

"I know." I swallow hard. "He told me he couldn't live without me."

Those were the exact words that Parker had muttered through the phone when he'd called me just a few months ago while I was just settling into my life in Manhattan. We'd broken up time and time again after meeting in high school. My heart always knew that we'd find our way back to one another and when he finally called that wintery evening to profess his unwavering devotion, I had packed up everything to be with him. Now, only twelve short weeks later, he was gone and I was back in New York.

"Maybe he was just panicked because he loves you so much."

They're words meant to placate women with broken hearts. The idea behind them is romantic and charming and conjures up an image of a man so overwrought with the knowledge that his heart belongs to a certain woman that he can't bear it. It's not a notion that is seated in any kind of reality. Parker didn't leave me because he loves me. He left me because he's a worthless piece of shit and is too immature to be honest about his feelings.

"It's over, Lex." I pull my hand from hers. "I'm going to put it behind me."

The skepticism floating over her expression isn't masked at all. "You can't just shut off your feelings like that."

She's right. I can't. I can decide to push them aside while I rebuild my life. That needs to be my sole focus right now. If I give in to the overwhelming pain I feel over Parker pushing my life into freefall mode, I'll be paralyzed. I'll hide within myself and I won't move forward. I'm not about to give him that much control over me.

"I need to find a job and a place." A change of subject never hurt anyone. In my case, it may actually dull the pain of talking about Parker.

"You know what they say about break ups, right?" She tilts her head to the side as she pulls a hand through her long blond hair.

"Oh, God." I can't help but chuckle. "Just tell me."

"They say…" she begins before pulling her arm around my shoulder. "They say that you need to date again right away to forget the old love."

"Date?" I shake my head. There's no way in hell I'm dating anytime soon.

"Or f*ck," she says with a giggle. "You should find a guy to sleep with. It needs to be someone really hot. If you do that you'll forget about Parker like that." She pulls her fingers together in a snap.

I should tell her. I should tell her about Ben but I stop myself before the words reach my tongue. I want Ben to my secret. I want to hold onto the feeling of being wanted in such a primitive way. I want to hold it close. I want the memory to be mine and only mine.





Chapter 4




"I'm surprised to see you back so soon," Vivian, my former boss, and hopefully soon-to-be present boss, tilts her glasses onto the bridge of her nose as she stares at me.

Hear that noise? That's the sound of me swallowing my pride. Vivian was the one who told me that giving up a promising career, as an account executive at Rainer & Winslow, for a man was a mistake. Good on Vivian for having the foresight to see that my boyfriend was a loser. Not so good on me for not listening to her mini lecture about how he wouldn’t sacrifice as much for me. Now, I'm back with my tail between my legs begging for my old position back.

"Things didn't work out in Boston," I say through a thin smile.

She pulls her glasses off completely now. Why do I feel like this is about to get serious? "We've already filled your position, Kayla."

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"I'm not surprised." I am surprised. Vivian isn't the most organized woman on this planet. I'm mildly shocked that she had the wherewithal to screen prospective applicants, interview them and then fill the position. When I worked for her, I was amazed most days when she tore her attention away from the movies she typically had streaming on her computer to give me a task to do.