Royal(29)
“She looks like a little princess,” Annabelle Markham remarked one day, as Lucy smiled proudly.
“She is a princess,” Lucy always said firmly, as though she believed it. And Jonathan gave Annie rides on the pony the Markhams had bought for their children. She always squealed with delight when Jonathan set her on a horse of any size and held her. She had no fear of horses or anything else, and she would cry when he took her off. Lucy worried that she’d be horse mad like her mother, which was a luxury she couldn’t indulge in and didn’t want to. She still thought them dangerous beasts.
Jonathan took them to a nearby lake to go swimming that summer when he had a day off, and taught Annie to swim like a little fish. She had no fear of water either, and it touched Lucy to see such a big man so gentle with a child as young as Annie. He loved the time he spent with her, and with Lucy, and he said it made him dream of having children of his own.
“Do you ever think of marrying again and having more?” he asked her shyly when they were at the lake.
“No, I never think about it,” she said, not wanting to talk about it with him. “Annie keeps me busy, and I’ve had to bring her up alone.”
“You wouldn’t have to if you married again.” She had just turned twenty-one, and marriage was the farthest thing from her mind, or so she claimed. He was twenty-six, and had just gotten another promotion. It was clear now that when the stable master retired, Jonathan would take over for him. It was no longer just a wish, it was a sure thing. He was the most responsible man Lucy had ever known, and in many ways he reminded her of her father, who had been a good husband and father and a good man. But she didn’t want any man interfering with her relationship with Annie. She had assiduously avoided any involvements or entanglements with men. She had years ahead of her to bring up Annie, and Jonathan said he didn’t want to think of settling down until he was the stable master, and then he would have a cottage with his job. There would be plenty of time to think about marriage then, but not before that.
In spite of their determination not to marry, and caution about getting too involved in a romance, Lucy and Jonathan’s attraction to each other evolved slowly into a deep mutual respect, and a long, slow romance that became harder and harder to deny. When Annie was four and he had at long last become the stable master and earned one of the better cottages, he proposed. Lucy was twenty-two and he was twenty-seven, and he told her it was time. He wanted to marry and have children with her, which worried Lucy more than she wanted to admit.
“I’m not sure I could ever love another child as much as I do Annie,” she said when he mentioned children to her. “Everything about her is perfect, and I love her with my whole heart.”
“I think all parents feel that way, until they have the second child in their arms, and realize that they can love another baby as much,” he said sensibly.
“I’m not sure I could,” she said thoughtfully. To make up for the royal life Annie would never have, Lucy had devoted her whole life to her, heart and soul.
“It would be good for Annie to have a brother or sister. It will be lonely for her growing up as an only child,” he said, trying to convince her, but Lucy wasn’t sure. He kissed her to seal the deal then, and Lucy felt stirrings she had never felt before, which frightened her too. She wasn’t going to let passion run away with her as Charlotte had, and end up with an unwanted pregnancy. And what if she died in childbirth? Who would take care of Annie then?
“I would,” he said without hesitating when she shared her fears with him. He was surprised by how frightened she was of going through childbirth again. “You’re not going to die,” he said gently. “You’re a strong girl, Lucy. You’ve been through it before and survived. Women have babies every day and come through it. I’m sure it’s not easy, but it can’t be that bad or no one would ever have a second child. Was it very bad when you had Annie?” he asked, and she was touched by the compassion in his eyes. She couldn’t tell him that Annie’s mother had bled to death, but Charlotte was a tiny woman, and Annie had been a big baby. And the medical care was excellent in Kent. There were several very good midwives in the area, a number of fine doctors, and a hospital, they were close to London, and to reassure her, Jonathan said she could see a specialist there. “And I’d be with you.” He knew that her husband had already been dead before Annie’s birth, which must have made it hard for her too. She was young. Now he felt she could endure it, with good medical care and his help. He wanted desperately to marry her and have children of his own, although he loved Annie as though she were.
“How would you feel about her if we had other children? Would you love her as much?” Lucy questioned him, and he didn’t hesitate.
“Of course I would. I wouldn’t stop loving her, or love her less because we had another child. Will you think about it? We don’t have to have a baby right away. But I want to be married to you.” He had an excellent job as stable master, and their employers were pleased with them. “It would be wonderful to live together in our cottage. My mother could take care of Annie when you’re at work. And any other children we have.” His mother still had a cottage on their old farm on the estate. He made it sound very appealing, but Lucy wasn’t sure. She had her life in perfect balance and control. She made a good salary and could provide for Annie. Adding a man to it, and possibly other children, sounded complicated to her. But Jonathan was so gentle and convincing, so loving, calm, and reliable that he eventually wore her down, and won her heart.