Rooted (Pagano Family #3)(53)
“He’ll get used to it. It’s just going to take some time. He’s a tough old bastard, though. He’ll stop pouting.” She didn’t envy Adele for having to live with her father while he adjusted to a forced retirement caused by suddenly poor health.
While she was putting the dreary salad together, Carmen heard the mail come through the slot. She set the knife down and went to the front door. As always, she paused and looked through the sidelights. Three weeks home, and she was finally beginning to get used to seeing a black sedan or SUV everywhere she went. The Uncles had everybody covered. No Pagano went anywhere without a guard. It had happened for a few weeks in the late fall and winter, but then things had cooled off—or so they’d thought. Now, there were more guards, and Carmen wondered if it was simply becoming a new way of life.
In any case, she was getting used to it, and they were, for the most part, as unobtrusive as possible.
She took the stack of mail into the kitchen with her and finished making her father’s lunch. Adele came in as she was setting up the tray. She stood there, looking lost, and Carmen could see her positive outlook crumbling.
Sobs came on her, and Carmen gave her a hug. She wasn’t very good at hugging—they always seemed to last longer than they should—but Adele grabbed her and held on, crying into her boobs, and Carmen let her go as long as she needed.
oOo
That afternoon, Sabina brought Trey over straight from first grade. He was still young enough to be excited by the beginning of a new school year, and he was only finishing up his first week. He ran into the kitchen, where Carmen and Adele were washing up a large garden harvest.
“Auntie Carm! Nonna D.! Look what I made!” He was holding up a lion mask made out of a paper plate, construction paper, and marker.
“That’s great, Trey. What is that—a zebra?”
“Auntie, you’re silly! Zebras are black and white and have stripes! Lions are yellow and orange and have no stripes! See?”
Elsa came in and licked Trey’s face, thoroughly ridding him of any leftover goodness from his afternoon snack. Trey giggled and put the lion mask on her head. “Look! Elsie’s really a lion now!”
Adele took the mask and stuck it to the refrigerator door with a magnet shaped like a chocolate bar. “This is good work, Trey. Did you wear it at school?”
“Yeah! We had a zoo! I don’t want it on the fridge-ator, though. You can do that later. Where’s Pop-Pop? I want to show him. Misby said it would make him happy, and when you’re happy you feel better. I want Pop-Pop to be better.”
Adele handed him the lion again. “He’s out back, lovey. He’s going to be so happy to see what you made. C’mon, I want to see, too.” She took his hand, and they went out back, Elsa following.
“That is an amazing kid.” Carmen smiled at Sabina.
“Truly. He is one of a kind.”
“Any news on making him a brother?” After several interviews with different girls, a pregnant sixteen-year-old in Connecticut had chosen Carlo and Sabina to adopt her baby, a boy, and they had chosen her. They were covering her medical expenses now. She was from a working-class Latino family, and her parents had approved, too, despite pressure from other family members. She was due around the holidays.
A cloud passed over Sabina’s face. “The adoption process is so difficult. Even private adoption, as we do. These girls—they are conflicted. Anna is conflicted. She sends me emails about what she wants for her baby. And I understand. She is under pressure, I think, too. It’s hard to trust that all will be well when she could change her mind even while I hold the baby in my arms, even after we bring him home.” Sabina paused. “And now I am conflicted as well.”
“What do you mean? I thought you were sure you wanted this.”
“Oh, I am. We both are. But into this world? With bodyguards and fires? Is it right?”
“Fuck it, Sabina. That’s bullshit. What happened to you—that was your billionaire WASP * of a husband. What happened to Trey and Joey—a little blonde with a fancy private college education. The Uncles don’t corner the violence market. The world sucks—right outside our door or across the ocean. The world totally sucks. There’s no safe way to have a family. If we’re going to get bent out of shape over how dangerous the world is, then we’ll all just die out. Because there’s no end to the bad things that can happen. Every child born everywhere is born into a shitshow. At least you’ve got a guido with a gun outside holding it at bay. Do you want this baby or do you not? If you can answer that question, then f*ck conflict.”
Sabina smiled. “You are a passionate woman, Carmen. About everything.”
“Yeah, I know. Gets me into trouble all the time. I’m right, though. Most of the time. Definitely now.”
“Yes, I think you are. Thank you.”
oOo
Two weeks later, Carmen went into her little beach cottage, which she had missed keenly while she was away. She went straight into the bathroom with her plastic shopping bag from the pharmacy.
There was no more putting it off, no more attributing anything to stress or whacked out circadian rhythms from jetlag or anything else. She was missing her second one, now. And for the past four mornings, she’d puked from morning through lunch. And her breasts hurt so badly she could barely stand to get a bra on—or off, for that matter.